86 - Pieces of the Broken Glass Slipper
Shattered Glass Slipper Shards Episode 86
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He and I started walking down the long corridor. People glanced at us as they passed, but not as blatantly as before. Now that it was generally accepted that I was his young lover, the reaction was that there was nothing special about it.
“That must have been difficult for you.”
Was it my imagination that the hand holding mine seemed to tense up? Only the tips of our fingers were touching, a mere casual contact, but his hand was stiff.
However, he was quite skilled at quickly sliding his fingers back into place whenever they seemed to waver even for a moment due to our steps.
At the same time, he was quite amusing to watch as he scanned my face, trying to gauge my reaction. I wanted to pull away because it was burdensome, but I was the one who would regret it. So, I had no choice but to endure. I gave an awkward smile and shook my head.
“No. Isn’t it enough that you came like this?”
At that, he suddenly cleared his throat and turned his head. Even though it was nothing special, Michael Ayres’s face was shining with happiness. His reddish earlobes seemed to represent his current state of mind.
“I’m sorry I’m late.”
His voice, whispered softly, was full of excitement. If he had a tail, it would be wagging wildly.
A fierce devotion to one person. It was a brilliant light that only someone in the throes of first love could emit.
Yes, it was like looking at my old self. Sissae at that time, whose emotions rose and fell with every glance from Sir Halberd.
So, this is really not it.
I bit my lip and lowered my gaze, thinking it was too much for such a great knight to be so affected by my every word.
A painful past, an image in the mirror I want to shatter, flickers before my eyes now. No, it’s even more painful because it’s purer than it was then. Is this a punishment? Is this how I’m supposed to taste self-loathing?
“Bischwartz Young Lady? Are you still not recovered? You look very pale.”
I must have stopped walking for a moment due to my complicated feelings. I answered in a calm voice, pretending to be nonchalant.
“Oh, you’re making me confess embarrassing things, Sir. It’s said that pale-skinned, delicate women are all the rage in society these days. I’m just following the trend.”
“I’m glad to hear that. …I was very worried.”
“No. I was able to regain my strength thanks to the flowers you sent. Weren’t you the one in trouble, Sir? Since it caused a strange misunderstanding.”
“So, you consider it a misunderstanding. Ah, it seems you still won’t accept my true feelings, Young Lady. So, you don’t doubt my cunning either.”
“You do trouble me, but wouldn’t it be unreasonable to consider that a cunning nature that tarnishes the honor of a noble knight? If you dare to judge and criticize Sir’s attitude, I beg you not to. Don’t you know that there is no sharper sword than a woman’s tongue?”
“Yes. Please do. I would be very happy if you would express your emotions that way, even if it’s just that. That’s why I’m telling you.”
I felt like I was suffocating for a moment. My feet froze, and my fingertips turned cold. Michael Ayres asked back in a cautious voice, ‘Young Lady?’ but I didn’t answer. A stuffy pain starting from my solar plexus was quickly engulfing my body.
“Are you alright? Is something wrong?”
“Ah, I seem to keep startling you, Sir. I’m really fine.”
“Is it because of what I said? Is that what’s bothering you? But I’m saying it sincerely. That’s how desperately I want to beg and cling to you, Young Lady.”
Now, it’s even uncomfortable to make eye contact. So, I tried to pull away the hand that was touching his, but he was faster. His grip was too persistent and heavy for a mere young girl to handle.
I barely managed to make a small sound and answer. I wanted to speak in a pleasant voice, pretending to be nonchalant, but all that came out was a stuffy, choked sound.
“There are many people more beautiful than me.”
“But few have the elegant grace that you possess, Young Lady.”
“For women from good families, elegant grace is as natural as an ornament attached to clothing. Perhaps you’re just tired of seeing only women who actively pursue you, and you’ve lost your senses for a moment.”
“No, I am discerning with a more sincere heart than ever before. And this feeling will not change.”
“But Sir, nothing is constant. So, you will surely realize it later. That you were about to ruin yourself because of a momentary impulse.”
“I won’t ask you to give me a lovely smile or a kind laugh. Would you consider it petty if I wanted to be remembered and thought of often, even if it’s just in the form of anger? If I beg for even pity, would you show me mercy?”
The reason I can’t ask him here what he likes about me so much that he’s even abandoning his pride is because I was the same.
So, even though I don’t like this situation, I just suppress it inside and shout silently. Who are you to keep unconsciously urging me to remember my old self?
The past when I didn’t want affection, so I begged for even anger, so that I could at least get a glimpse of myself.
Why am I projecting some idiot who constantly suffered inwardly, looking around to get just a handful of attention, through the knight Michael Ayres!
Of course, you can fall in love at first sight. I did. The moment I saw Sir Halberd, I gave him my whole heart, mind, and even my soul.
As a result, a girl who only knew how to eat like a pig and indulge in pointless luxuries wanted to become a ‘woman’ because of that one love.
Happy with just a fleeting glance. Happy with just a passing voice. Happy with just being able to hover around him.
That’s why I understood Sir Ayres’s sincerity in saying he fell in love with me at first sight. Because I was the same. Because the idiot Sissae, before I returned, had experienced it so intensely.
Ah, this cruel emotion is so fickle that it is given only after overcoming many hardships, sometimes it takes root at unexpected moments, and sometimes it suddenly comes and quickly strikes the heart.
The quickly heated passion rapidly circulates throughout the body, blinding the eyes, making the heart beat faster, and melting the tongue with a thick feeling of love.
Therefore, this is just a disease. A terrible disease that cannot be cured without destroying oneself. Perhaps even an emperor with tens of thousands of troops would be as pathetically helpless as a mere worm in the face of this.
So, isn’t this enough? It’s an emotion I barely overcame with death. I ran far away because I didn’t want to get hurt, and I barely reached this point. I’m only just now able to breathe in and out.
But why did I meet someone like this again? If this is the intention of the person who sent me back, I want to applaud them for being so well-prepared.
If they want to slowly kill me by drying me out, knowing the sweet pain that pity gives, there is no more suitable opponent than this.
“You always force me to choose. I just came to see you to express my gratitude, Sir.”
I opened my mouth with difficulty. The person in front of me was no longer Michael Ayres.
It was the Sissae of the past, hiding her insecure feelings and looking at the other person with expectant eyes. Pathetically wallowing in desperate self-consolation and pitiful pity, acting like the protagonist of a drama… An opponent I must kill again. Yes, that’s all.
“So, will you please accept it?”
I held out the neatly packaged quill pen to Sir Ayres. He accepted what I offered with a very embarrassed expression.
The face of this pure knight was full of dismay. He looked so pathetically exposed, as if he didn’t know what had gone wrong or how to fix it.
It was an attitude that could only be shown by someone who had never experienced a woman. If he were a knight like any other playboy, he would soon give a sly smile and smoothly lead the conversation to prevent any other thoughts, but Michael Ayres couldn’t do that.
No, it was unreasonable to expect such behavior from him. All he knew how to do was aggressively push his feelings forward.
So, this is nothing more or less than a tragedy created by two people who are clumsy at dealing with people. That’s why it was funnier than a comedy.
“You may have better things, but I chose this because I thought it would be useful. Please don’t criticize my lack of taste and look kindly upon it.”
“…I’m a bit clumsy. So, I don’t understand the Young Lady’s heart very well. But please don’t doubt my sincerity.”
I didn’t answer. I knew that if I created an opening here by saying that I didn’t doubt his sincerity, it would be no different from deceiving him.
I could only have the pointless thought that it would have been better if Michael Ayres had been a person with a different disposition.
His misfortune is that he is too similar to my past self, and I am still not good enough to accept this without any problems.
Rolling a terrible purity in my hands and adjusting it to my liking was too distant a realm for me, who had only returned a few months ago. So, I decided to be honest.
“I wanted to see you not only to give you this gift, but also as an excuse to enter the palace.”
“Entering the palace?”
“Yes, to meet Chatoul.”
Ah, I think I can finally meet his eyes now. I met his gaze and said each word with emphasis. Fortunately, the voice that came out was creating the same resonance as before.
“Otherwise, I would have sent this gift to your residence.”
Michael Ayres was silent. But he wasn’t making a sad face like before, or trembling his eyes as if he was in despair. It was an unexpectedly simple attitude.
However, his hand was still hot, so I couldn’t help but be careful, wondering if he was holding back the rising anger.
Because he is a noble person, he wouldn’t yell at a woman or resort to violence, but you never know with people. No, his patience deserved praise just for not slapping me in the face right now.
After a while, he opened his mouth and said.
“People say I have a heart of ice. But the true owner of that epithet was here.”
“I haven’t debuted yet.”
He chuckled at my joke. Then he said, ‘I will hand it over to you as soon as the Young Lady debuts.’ I replied that I would gratefully accept it.
Michael Ayres’s face was much lighter, as if he had regained some of his composure.
It was too bright to be seen as ‘resignation’ or ‘giving up.’ Rather, it looked like some kind of determination. I realized it in the following answer.
