44 - Pieces of the Broken Glass Slipper
Shattered Glass Slipper Shards Episode 44
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I rose from my seat. My face, ruined by illness, or the fact that parts of my body were starkly revealed through sweat-soaked clothes no longer held any shame for me.
However, my steps quickened with a sudden impulse. An incomprehensible heart whispered to me in an excited voice.
Meet anyone. Anyone at all. Meet someone who will comfort you.
I had met two people in the garden before. Both of them brought tears to my eyes. I wasn't so foolish as to not know that even if they held opposing meanings, they were ultimately a beginning, a catalyst. So I wondered.
Who was I wandering around looking for like this?
Who was the person I had truly longed for?
“Unnie? Is it really you?”
A cheerful and bright voice enveloped my ears. A soft smile, like sunlight, caressed my heart. I stood there dumbly, gazing at the child standing among the flowers, Arina. Her smile, as if she had been waiting, strangely made the strength leave my legs.
“Huh? What’s wrong with your face, Unnie? Are you sick?”
Her approaching with light steps felt like an apparition. Even though I was standing straight, a strange disconnect arose, as if I were dreaming.
I slowly closed my eyes and opened them again. The child's touch on my hand was cold, but also distinct, bringing a strange sense of relief. I gently clasped the child's hand and whispered softly. I wanted to smile back, but I couldn't.
“Hello? Have you been well?”
The heat that had settled in my chest surged towards the hand I held. My body, collapsing as if falling onto the child's shoulder, lost its balance.
I struggled to straighten my staggering body. Arina screamed, “Unnie’s body is hot!” but that was all.
My body, sprawled ungracefully on the dirt ground, was stiff like a wooden stick. Only my tightly clasped hands pulsed, veins standing out blue.
“Unnie, you’re very sick. Why are you out here? Are you perhaps working?”
“I’m fine. That’s why……”
“That’s a lie. You don’t look fine! You should rest more in bed. My dad doesn’t make me work when I’m sick. Everyone is too much. They’re mean.”
Arina placed her free hand on my forehead and whimpered. Even though we had only met once, her genuine worry for me made my chest ache. True innocence resided here.
Perhaps because of that? Everything that had been sharp like a thorn bush became flexible like a green vine. I could breathe.
“Actually, I missed you, Unnie. So I even prayed to the moon. But I didn’t know you were this sick. If I had known, I wouldn’t have prayed to see you.”
“Did you keep waiting?”
Arina hesitated for a moment, then nodded with difficulty. Seeing that, an inexpressible emotion welled up in me once more.
How many times must she have lingered, waiting for me in a place where she would surely be scolded if discovered? Thinking of the joy and pain that the thought of ‘perhaps’ must have given her made me deeply sad.
“Actually, I waited for you too.”
“I know.”
“You know?”
“A handsome knight gave me a basket of white bread, saying you prepared it. It was full of big, delicious white bread, and I was so happy. It was my first time eating white bread with butter. It felt like my birthday. Thank you so much.”
The child’s lips lightly touched my cheek. It felt strange, as no one other than my mother had ever expressed affection to me in this way.
I stared at Arina with wide eyes. The child was smiling as if she were the happiest person in the world. So much so that I wanted to ask how she could smile like that.
The child took a deep breath, as if sharing a great secret, and whispered.
“Unnie, my dad says you’re not a maid. He says a maid couldn’t prepare so much white bread. That’s not true, right? Unnie, am I right? My dad is really scared. He nags me every day. He tells me not to be seen by the knights, to be careful what I say in front of the maids, and so on. It’s enough to make my ears hurt. Dad is most afraid of the nobles. I’m afraid of ghosts.”
“Me too. I’m most afraid of nobles.”
Arina’s eyes widened at my words. Her mouth, agape as if in disbelief, was so wide that I could see deep into her throat.
“More than ghosts?”
“Yes.”
“Ghosts bleed, and they look scary. Nobles wear pretty clothes, eat delicious food, and wear sparkling jewels… so they’re really cool. Why are you scared?”
“I don’t know either.”
“What is that? Are you a coward, Unnie?”
“Do you think so?”
“Yes. You’re more of a coward than me. But don’t worry too much, because a knight will appear later to protect you.”
“A knight?”
“A handsome knight protects a beautiful fairy, right?”
A laugh escaped me at her innocent response. Ah, truly, every word she spoke was beautiful. Sadly, the harshness of reality and the suffering from financial hardship must seem to Arina like the twinkling hope of a fairy tale.
But it wasn’t strange at all. It was just heartbreakingly poignant that she possessed this magical innocence, an innocence I couldn’t have and likely never will.
To me, Arina was the embodiment of ideal loveliness. Perhaps that was why I wanted to see you again.
“I wish I had an Unnie like you, a beautiful fairy-like Unnie. But then you’d have to carry heavy water jars, so it’s better not to. And, um…”
Arina trailed off, hesitating. I calmly waited for the child’s next words.
“I might not be able to come anymore. Actually, today was the last day.”
“Why is that?”
“Because my dad worries about me. Every time I come back from this garden, my dad looks at me with sad eyes. And he checks my back or my face. I don’t want my dad to make that expression. It’s sad that I can’t see you anymore, but I love my dad.”
“I see.”
I said it in a tone I tried to keep calm. Then I reached out and stroked the child’s cheek.
If I were the child’s parent, I would have done the same. Maids working in noble households are capricious and ill-tempered, often looking down on or despising those beneath them.
Above all, they were more likely to be cruel to children doing menial tasks like Arina. If one has to work from dawn, who can maintain a kind demeanor?
Most importantly, the father’s words about fearing nobles implied much.
“But we might be able to meet again someday.”
“You promise?”
“Yes.”
The child’s hand slipped from mine. Her attitude, as if time was up, felt cold. The dawn air seeped through the gaps in my clasped fingers.
The chill that touched my skin made me tremble slightly and take a breath. The lingering attachment to what I couldn’t grasp urged me to grab the child’s shoulder.
A greedy desire, like a swamp, slowly raised its head, wearing a grotesque smile. But I was not swayed by it. It is right to leave Arina as a poignant happiness that cannot be undone. It is what is fitting.
Instead, I looked at the child who kept turning back to wave goodbye and asked with my eyes.
‘Was it you who held my hand?’
Clinging to a happiness that cannot last with stubborn insistence is enough from the past. If there is a difference between my present self and my past self, it is that I have come to know ‘resignation.’ I raised my hand and waved to the child.
My true childhood, which I could finally bring to a close only after returning, flows away like this. Leaving behind a fleeting emptiness that cannot be possessed. It left a mark as deep as a brief fever.
Therefore, I instinctively knew that I would no longer be sick with fever.
