28 - Pieces of the Broken Glass Slipper
Shattered Glass Slipper Shards Episode 28
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“I had hoped you would have more self-control. Until now, you were such a docile and obedient child. But it seems I misjudged you. Look. Because of your stubbornness, everyone has become unhappy. The family's excellent knight was injured, and you yourself were hurt. And that's not all? Did you not cause worry and distress to others? Ah, through this incident, I deeply realize that one cannot trust outward virtues and discernment. I don't know how to manage your licentiousness.”
Madame de Lavalier tried her best to speak with a benevolent expression. She strove not to lose her perception and ladylike demeanor, and sought to maintain her unique elegance.
I thought this very demeanor was the reason high society held her in such high regard and affection.
“It must have been difficult to resist temptation. I can imagine how delighted you were to receive an invitation for the first time. But you were not yet prepared, and moreover, you are ignorant of high society, aren't you? Oh, that's not to say I deny your intelligence. But look. How ridiculous you have become. Think also of how heartbroken Roena was. She said she was sad because she couldn't help you much.”
When had Lavalliere visited to report the events at the hunting grounds? I couldn't help but be surprised by her swift actions.
At the same time, I wanted to reveal that Roena, not I, had become their prey, but seeing your expectant look, I couldn't bring myself to speak.
Because what Lavalliere wanted now was the earnest regret of a foolish girl who had disobeyed you.
Therefore, although there was ample room for rebuttal and much that needed correction, I decided to let it all pass. There was nothing more foolish than exposing someone who had not yet fully matured.
“I trust you have experienced and thought much from this incident. Therefore, it would be good for you to take some time for self-reflection and to compose yourself through a period of abstinence.”
Contrary to my expectations, Lavalliere's words were a bit softer, closer to persuasion. She acted with considerable tolerance and generosity, as if mocking my foolishness for expecting harsh words.
Your self-restraint seemed much deeper than I had thought.
I left her room, quite satisfied with this opportune moment.
My mother was very displeased that I was to have a period of abstinence. However, she lacked the courage to express her feelings to Lavalliere.
Instead, she tried to comfort her daughter by visiting my room often to talk, but sometimes she would convey useless information, which often left me bewildered.
“Roena is worried that you might be hurt. But she told me that she didn't disrespect you, she just wanted to help. What does that mean, my dear? I don't quite understand.”
I suppressed a laugh and listened intently to my mother. If Roena had truly felt sorry, she should have come to speak to me directly.
But she chose to hide behind others, showing cowardice by using others to have her apology accepted.
I held my mother's hand, which was full of confusion, and said in a gentle voice.
“It’s nothing to worry about. So please don't give it another thought.”
During my time of abstinence, I decided to make strolling in the garden my small diversion. While most people would stay in their rooms and spend quiet time, embroidery or reading books was enough for a few hours of the day.
The Bishvarts Family garden, meticulously maintained by the gardener, was spacious and scenic, perfect for walking. The flowers and trees planted throughout were well-trimmed and quite beautiful.
The decorative items placed around were overflowing with elegance and harmonized well with the surroundings. I enjoyed the leisure of strolling slowly, smelling the flowers, and touching the leaves.
The walk, not to appease Lavalliere but solely to appreciate the scenery, felt more like a reward than a punishment.
After walking for some time, I suddenly turned my head and was so startled I almost stopped breathing when I spotted Sir Halberd walking towards me.
The garden paths were covered with bushes, but not so much as to obstruct the view, so the structure allowed one to easily notice who was approaching.
However, I hadn't noticed him approaching at all, and thus lost the time to escape and avoid him. I simply stared at Sir Halberd as if frozen, but he made no move to avoid me, even as our eyes met.
Sir Halberd stopped walking only when he was close to the bushes. There was no sign of discomfort in his polite greeting.
I offered a perfunctory reply, mimicking Sir Halberd's politeness, and at the same time, I wished he would quickly pass by and disappear. But he seemed to have no intention of leaving, continuing to speak.
“I heard you were worried. Thank you.”
“No, I should have thanked you in advance, but I couldn't. Thank you again for your generosity in not blaming my rudeness.”
“Not at all.”
A heavy silence ensued. I didn't possess Roena's charm or gentle disposition, so I didn't know how to speak to him.
In the past, I had never had a normal conversation with Sir Halberd. It was mostly me clinging to him, crying and raging like a madwoman, and each time, this kind man would avert his gaze as if troubled and politely refuse me.
Furthermore, I was currently in a period of abstinence, and as a lady, I had to maintain modesty, maturity, and a degree of discretion that would not cause shame. Therefore, it was best to end our time together with a light, respectful bow that did not deviate from etiquette.
But Lustewin Halberd, the Knight of Clear Hearing, spoke first.
“Do you remember? You told me back then that I was Lady Roena's knight. I do not deny that statement. Yes, I am the sword of the Bishvarts Family.”
Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. My limbs stiffened, and my lips felt parched. I felt an urge to cover my ears, fearing what he would say next. But his voice was as swift as lightning and as heavy as thunder.
“Therefore, I am also your knight.”
It was the words I had longed for, yet strangely, I felt no joy. Instead, I felt fear. I was sad and terrified, like a deer being chased by a predator.
I tried desperately to control my breath, which was not just beating but panting, and to avoid Sir Halberd's gaze.
"I am also your knight"?
If it were my past self, I would have fainted on the spot, unable to contain my joy. But now, I knew that the meaning of "also" did not encompass everything.
This brought about the cruel fate of 'choice,' proving that Cishe de Bishwaltz could not be the top priority in Sir Halberd's life.
What my past self and my current self both desired was 'everything.' Not a part, but all of it. Isn't it a snake's duty to swallow its prey whole? If it cannot swallow it all at once, it is better not to accept it.
So how could I be happy or rejoice at his words? No matter how plausible the words, the truth cannot be hidden. This was the most tragic disaster wrought by the goddess of fate.
“I offer my respect for your sincere attitude. Through this incident, I have come to know how much you care for the Bishvarts Family. However, there is no need for you to reveal that feeling to me. True sincerity, even if unseen, always shines brightly like the stars in the sky.”
If vulnerability could hold him captive, I would have long ago become more delicate than any other noble lady and would have wept and grieved every day.
If elegance possessed the magic to captivate him, I would have paid attention to my fingertips and tried my best to smile more gently than anyone else.
But what captured Sir Halberd was a smile that shone as brilliantly as the sun, innate loveliness, and a heart like an angel's.
Especially the feeling of being 'lovely' is relative, and if he felt this emotion towards Roena de Bishbalz, it was better to give up quickly. Of course, it would be more painful and agonizing in the future.
“My lady……”
“Sir Halberd, whether you know it or not, there is nothing more fearsome and terrifying than people's eyes and mouths. If you truly care for me, would you allow me to withdraw now?”
The foolish Cishe of the past shouts at me.
'You idiot! Why are you throwing away such an opportunity? At your station, when will you ever hear such words again?'
My current self speaks to my past self.
'Haven't we seen and heard and experienced too much to be intoxicated by such words? Don't forget. If it's not all, it's nothing. We have never had all of him.'
Yes, there will be times when I repeat this to myself. That Lustewin Halberd, the knight of Roena, is him. And I will regret and ache many more times.
But now, I am more cautious, considerate, and have a habit of being wary of others without reason. Especially suspicion will undoubtedly remain my truest companion, a habit I have specifically adopted to avoid repeating past tragedies.
Therefore, I can leave him without regret. Just as I am doing now.
I bowed again to him, who stood silent as if at a loss for words, and slowly moved away. I felt his gaze on my back, but I never looked back. As if to show I harbored no further lingering feelings, I walked away with great resolve.
