191 - Pieces of the Broken Glass Slipper
Shattered Glass Slipper Shards 191
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After returning home, I was sick for a whole week. Aside from the throbbing pain in my heart, I couldn't help but fall ill, as I was so nervous throughout my conversation with the Crown Prince that I even caught a cold.
In particular, the shoulder he had pressed down on was bruised so badly that it was almost black, and I had to slather every ointment I could find on it. Still, thanks to the prescription sent by the palace physician, my heart and body were as healthy as before after a week.
While I was lying in bed, society was in an uproar over the scandal between the Crown Prince and me. People focused on the fact that the Crown Prince, who had a reputation as a playboy but was not so kind to women, had personally held me and headed to the guest room. And they focused on what he had done after the doctor examined me.
It was a truly sordid question, but already in their minds, they had concluded that I had rolled around with the Crown Prince and was bedridden with the pain of Loss of virginity.
The women cursed me for being unchaste—the biggest criticism was that I had betrayed Sir Ayres—and the men smacked their lips, saying that I had become no different from other women since entering society.
No matter how much the Crown Prince said that nothing happened, that what would he do to a woman who had died and come back to life, hardly anyone believed him because of his flamboyant history. So much so that Lady Roshan even rushed to me to find out the truth.
Lissette Roshan repeatedly apologized, saying that she was ashamed of herself for coming to me to ask such a question, but that she had to confirm it for Mel, herself, and the Crown Prince, even though she did not doubt me.
"I'm sorry, Sis. I don't think I've ever been so ashamed of myself as I am today."
It was the first time I had seen the Lady with such a pale face and teary eyes, and it was then that I realized that Lissette Roshan had feelings for the Crown Prince. That was why she had no choice but to follow the Crown Prince's orders.
"If even Lüce says it's not true, the rumors will subside to some extent. But since my reputation has already hit rock bottom, I don't even have the energy to say anything more. Why do people like to trample on the hearts of others so cruelly?"
"Unfortunately, that's what society is like."
"Yes, that's right. The place where Lüce and I live is a quagmire where such people gather."
"I can only hope that it passes by without incident. But how is your health? You're sick so often that it's painful for me to watch. I was so surprised to hear that you stopped breathing. I'm so glad that a miracle happened. I'm so grateful that you came back safely like this."
I smiled and nodded at her words. Lissette Roshan was at least a woman who knew shame, so I wasn't offended at all that she had rushed to me suspecting me. So, I could generously overlook the fact that she came to me under the guise of a sick visit and poured out all sorts of questions.
"His Highness is just trying to use me for his own needs. So, don't doubt me no matter how he acts."
"Sis, I'm not doubting you. I'm just afraid."
"Of what?"
"No, nothing. I just misspoke. So, forget about it."
But she seemed to feel some kind of anxiety, and she kept smiling weakly and avoiding eye contact with me.
Of course, there was no resentment towards me in that attitude, but it was a bit awkward, so the conversation gradually began to falter.
In the end, her visit didn't last long, and Roshan left the room with a polite promise to visit again next time.
The next person to visit me was Sir Ayres. I looked at him sitting in the drawing room with a tense expression.
In fact, Roena had come before him and burst into tears—a rambling mix of concern for my health and the scandal with the Crown Prince—but she finally stopped after I mentioned trust and left.
So, I was very exhausted both physically and mentally. In the midst of all this, I couldn't help but feel my lips dry up as I met the man I considered the most awkward.
It seemed to be the same for Michael Ayres, as he stood up as soon as I entered and bit his lip as if he was very anxious. And he stared at me as I approached and sat down, repeatedly inhaling and exhaling.
Sir Ayres was visibly anxious. This was not so much because he believed the gossip, but because of his fear of me, who had not shown him a clear heart until now.
"Are you feeling well?"
But as soon as I sat down, he opened his mouth by asking about my health instead of throwing a question to satisfy his own desires. It was a clearly differentiated attitude from the others who had asked about my health only after satisfying their anxiety.
"I'm much better now. Thank you for your concern."
"You stopped, you stopped breathing."
"Yes. That's what I heard."
Sir Ayres stood up again as soon as I finished speaking, as if he was about to approach me, but he hesitated and stepped back. And he washed his face with his hands once before sitting back down. His expression as he continued to speak looked very pained.
"It would be a great burden to the Lady if I were to express the pain I felt at that time here."
"Sir Ayres..."
"Nevertheless, please forgive this cowardly man who has no choice but to reveal his own heart. When I heard the rumors about the Lady, I wished I had stopped breathing instead. As soon as I thought that you were gone from this world, my heart ached as if it was going to die."
I would have preferred him to question me about the rumors with the Crown Prince, but seeing him worrying about me like this made me feel suffocated again.
Because I had never given such upright affection. Because I had never received it. Because I had never had the thought that there was only one person in the world on my side, one person who only thought of me.
At the same time, when I thought about how much he must have suffered to say these words to me, a corner of my heart began to feel uncomfortable.
So... so, every time Sir Ayres continued to speak, I felt a strange numbness all over my body and a tingling in my eyes.
"Please, please, can't you just be in one piece? Can't you just be smiling happily in the healthiest state, without being threatened by anyone, like you did to that young boy before?"
Ah, even Sir Halberd would not have received this much emotion from me in the past.
I took a deep breath as I felt dizzy. And I tried to say the words in the most nonchalant state possible.
"Come to think of it, you always want me to smile. Why is that?"
"Because I want you to."
"You want me to?"
"Yes."
In that moment, my scarred self comes to his mind. The girl, who was so thin that she resembled a skeleton, had already released her venomous eyes and was smiling at me.
Yes, Sir Ayres, you have already come this far. You have been gradually dyeing me as if I was soaked in a drizzle. More brilliantly and beautifully than anything else.
Is that why? The fear I had of him because of the scandal had disappeared, and only calmness and peace remained in my heart. I felt like I could talk about the dirty gossip about me without any discomfort now.
"I see. Then, now that you've seen me healthy, is this the end?"
At my question, Sir Ayres suddenly pressed his lips together and avoided my gaze. He has a lot to say, but he's trying to calmly resolve it through conversation while suppressing his original personality, so it must be killing him.
Above all, I had just gotten out of bed and had to be even more careful. So, he can't question me, can't show his anxiety, can't beg me. He must be afraid that I'll be startled, grab my heart, and collapse.
I smiled and continued to speak. For some reason, I wanted to apologize to him first.
"No, it's not."
"Yes?"
"The rumors that went into your ears, they're all lies. Except for the fact that I suddenly collapsed, stopped breathing, and came back to life, none of it is true."
"Lady..."
"Except for the 'miracle' that they're all talking about, I'm as innocent and pure as that pure snow."
"That's not what I'm afraid of."
Suddenly, Michael Ayres covered his face with his hands and spoke in a heavily suppressed voice.
"Who am I to dare to talk about the Lady's purity and doubt her? It's already too much that you performed a miracle. It's already too much that I'm sitting here facing you like this, so who am I to dare to say anything?"
"Sir Ayres..."
He continued to speak with his face covered, as if he didn't even want to make eye contact with me. His voice, shaking with pain, was so desperate that even I was shaken.
"You have rejected me several times. You said you wanted to protect my honor. So, I said you could use me. I was happy with just that. But gradually, you stopped rejecting my touch, and recently, you even took my cloak, so I became quite conceited. Maybe, just maybe, I thought that something I dared to hope for might happen."
Like a lonely king in an isolated fortress, he was suppressing himself, muttering words that might be a soliloquy. He was suppressing himself, regarding it as a sin to reveal his affection, a man who had come to know the pain and fear of rejection because of me.
"But what if even that was a delusion? What if your heart went to Idi, my lord? Yes, that's what I was afraid of. I'm a cowardly fool who doesn't even have the courage to step back cleanly, but dares to try to confirm it first. I'm here trying to beg for affection in the most miserable way in the world."
Ah, I feel like a heavy sigh is about to escape. I made this person like this. I created another miserable Sis.
In an instant, shame and embarrassment flooded in like a tide, and I couldn't lift my head. So, I lowered my head weakly.
"Trust is a lovely word that can only be mentioned when hearts are connected. Jealousy is a sweet thorn that can only be aroused when affection is confirmed. But can I dare to ask the Lady for trust, to say that I am jealous? No, even saying this is a nuisance. So, please point your finger at me and call me foolish. I am already prepared to accept that criticism."
Unable to endure it any longer, I stood up abruptly. And I quietly approached him. It just felt like I had to. So, I instinctively reached out and released the hand covering his face.
As I released Sir Ayres' long, elegant fingers, I also shook off something in my heart. At this point, reason and everything else were useless.
"What are you going to do if I give you that kind of trust?"
His distrust had already reached its peak because of me constantly backing away. In the midst of all this, I can't just ask him to trust me with words.
A handkerchief or letter containing my heart would also be momentary and would not be enough to soothe him. So, I brought my lips to his cheek, his eyes wide as if he was surprised. Lightly, like a feather, I breathed in.
The knight's cheek, which had been coldly frozen, was regaining its warmth as before due to my lips. But only one side was blushing, so I gave the same kiss to the other cheek.
My face was also turning red due to the heat that bloomed from the contact of our skin. So, I smiled brightly at Sir Ayres, who was looking at me as if he was about to stop breathing.
I wanted to bring spring back to him, who had been living in a world of winter because of me. So, I threw away everything that forced me. My heart hurts, so my head must be strange too.
But strangely, my face reflected in his eyes is distorted as if he is about to cry. The Sis of the past, superimposed on Sir Ayres' face, was smiling brightly while crying.
In that moment, he growled lowly as if he couldn't bear it, then reached out and grabbed my chin and the back of my neck, then brought his face to mine. It was clear that it was Sir Ayres' and my lips that were strongly interlocked, as if not allowing even an inch of space.
