161 - Pieces of the Broken Glass Slipper
Shattered Glass Slipper Shards Episode 161
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In my previous life, I had no friends. I was an outsider in their dazzling world. Unable to mingle, I was like oil floating on water, without even someone to exchange light greetings with. Even when I tried to be as charming as possible with humiliating smiles and coquettish tones, I was often blatantly pushed away. I mostly stood alone, leaning against the pillars of the hall, so what more could be said? I was practically just a decoration.
It's the same now. There was no one I could call a person with whom I shared my heart. Even if I made an exception for Lady Roshan. So, there was no way I could know the touching camaraderie that appeared in books. Because 'friendship' in the aristocratic world meant associating with useful friends.
But even to me, the emotional bond between the Crown Prince, Lady Roshan, and Sir Ayres was difficult to explain by comparing it to the word friendship as defined in society. It was much more emotional, free, and unreserved in how they treated each other. As if to say that this was what 'friendship' in the dictionary meant.
Therefore, I couldn't easily dismiss the Crown Prince and Sir Ayres's quarrel.
It wouldn't be easy for the damp emotions, pressed down under the sweet word of friendship, to explode at some moment and paralyze reason.
Especially if they had been close friends for more than a dozen years.
That's why I felt uncomfortable seeing Michael Ayres. From the beginning, I had been consistent in my intention to take him into my grasp and shake him up, and I had been doing so sufficiently, but once my heart crumbled, it became neither one thing nor the other.
This was also why I couldn't coldly drive away the man who was silently watching me with a sunken expression in front of me.
And also why I kept sighing without realizing it.
Sir Michael Ayres visited me three days after the incident and two days after I received a note from Beatrice, no, the Grand Duke.
It was right after reading Lücette Roshan's letter, 'Mel is not in a good mood.'
Guided by the maid, he appeared with a sharper, more gaunt jaw than usual and greeted me.
Unlike usual, he didn't hide the emotions that were flowing down his whole body, and he held a light that was so blatant that it could be considered rude. As if asking for attention.
He was silently shouting that he had rushed to me to show this side of himself. It was something that Sir Ayres wouldn't normally do.
Thanks to that, I couldn't even say a proper word and had to remain silent.
Even though thirty minutes had passed since he sat across from me, the only conversations we had were 'Have some tea, Sir Ayres' and 'Thank you.'
A strange atmosphere, a little too light to be heavy, and not bright either, was swirling around the drawing room. Feeling strangely uneasy, I pretended to drink tea and stole glances at his face.
Did they really have a big fight? Is that why he's so thin? More than that, why am I thinking this and having to read his face?
Even if feelings of affection were the priority, it was amazing that he could come to see the woman who had practically broken up a relationship closer than brothers so easily.
His face was so sunken as if to ask me to acknowledge his hard work, and he was even lowering his eyes as if asking for comfort, which was almost bewitching. No, he looked quite pathetic for a man who was competing for the title of the Empire's best swordsman.
His broad shoulders, which could barely be reached even when spreading both hands, had long been drooping below the floor. The teacup that the maid had brought was cooling down in the silent air.
What should I do with this puppy-like man who was whimpering? How should I treat this person who was just standing there, wanting to see me even though his insides must be a mess?
I was rather embarrassed to see the man who had bravely rushed at me, telling me to use him even if I kept pushing him away, so dejected. It felt like something was very wrong.
Saying that it would be alright. Saying that nothing would happen.
The note sent by Grand Duke Beatrice didn't mention anything other than a big argument... Was there something else I missed?
I narrowed my brows as if I was getting a headache. If he was upset because he had a fight with the Crown Prince, and if that was why he was hurting, he shouldn't have come to me in the first place.
But he stubbornly came and was revealing his sullen appearance without filtering it. As if he needed my touch.
So, I was embarrassed. I had never met such a man in my previous life, so it was even more so. No, I wondered if I had ever seen a proper man.
I had only followed Sir Halberd, looking at his back, so wouldn't that be the case? I had been panting as if my breath was stuck in my throat, longing for a love that I could never reach, but when I saw the beast that had given me the leash in my hand, my head was all confused.
I prided myself on having some skill in manipulating and tormenting emotionless beasts, but as soon as a piece of emotion seeped in, I was wandering around without knowing which way to go, like a boatman who had lost his oars.
So, I must be spouting such foolish words in such a listless voice.
"Are you alright?"
Am I alright? I must be crazy. I wanted to bite my tongue in disgust at my own stupidity after uttering those words.
To only ask the man who was sullen because of me if he was alright. How could I be so foolish?
But I didn't know how to react because I had never learned or received anything more gentle or affectionate than this.
If I were to smoothly utter words that were not in my heart, I would be able to do it calmly, but sincere comfort was as uncomfortable as a thorn stuck in my fingernail.
And also, that man's smooth and beautiful face, which was shining his eyes as if he had been waiting for my words.
After I started to waver, I was becoming a little strange. As if the time when I was raging in anger was long gone, I was drifting around without knowing which way to go, like a fallen leaf swaying in the wind. My softening heart was as warm as the spring sun, which was even scary.
That's because, until now, the only person who could make me a fool was Sir Halberd. The person I had tried so hard to have but could never reach.
So, I circled around him, gasping for air like a starving person. I begged for affection, sucking on a drop of water that fell on my parched lips like a lifeline, becoming the most miserable beggar in the world.
I felt more acutely than standing naked in a blizzard in the wilderness that the cruelty of unrequited love was more painful, and I screamed like that.
The torn-apart affections were more painfully cruel than any other wound in the world. I held onto my tattered heart and looked at his back for the rest of my life.
Love. Ironically, a mere word held a person's life. Just like Sir Ayres was now.
But once I was in Sir Halberd's position and looked into Sir Ayres's bare face, the leash in my hand stopped working.
I couldn't even understand myself how my cruel heart, which could be so ruthless to Roena or other maids without any gaps, had become so easily dulled by him.
Was it because I was putting 'myself' in his place? Was it because Sissae was more miserable and less pitiful that I had some pity for him? Was that why he was able to seep in more easily?
A self-deprecating smile burst out for a moment.
Seep in. What nonsense was this? It was just embarrassment about the unexpected events and the reactions that followed.
Yes, this was fear of the second man who was making me a fool. Otherwise, there was no way I would feel so sorry.
"Are you worried about me?"
Fortunately, he smiles. Brightly, as if nothing was wrong. Ah, it feels like sunlight is seeping in. Unlike my worries, it seemed that my question was not taken as foolish by this man.
He was just overjoyed to have received attention, smiling happily as if he had the whole world.
I nonchalantly uttered words that were not in my heart.
"There are rumors going around. So, I couldn't help but worry."
"Rumors are always exaggerated."
He skillfully tidies up his emotionally loosened face and answers quietly. It was so absurd to see him come to his senses now, as if telling me not to worry. No, it was even laughable.
If it was an exaggerated rumor, there was no way his complexion would be so bad. Above all, the fact that he came all the way here and was making such a rare gloomy expression was also to let me know that his relationship with the Crown Prince had noticeably worsened. If he had wanted pure comfort, he would have been more aggressive.
What on earth was he trying to do? More than that, what did he think of me to utter such lies?
I swallowed the rising sigh and retorted to his words in a calm voice.
"You don't seem to be in a good mood for something that's exaggerated."
Then, his face was mixed with embarrassment. Even though it was obvious that the joy of being understood was gradually rising, the fact that he was prioritizing the emotions that stimulated my reaction was proof that he wanted something.
So, I decided to go a little stronger. As if I had forgotten that I had been awkward and unable to even have a proper conversation until just now.
"I've met Sir Ayres before, but it's the first time I've seen you look so listless like today. Or am I wrong? If I'm mistaken, I'll apologize in advance."
What I felt while experiencing Sir Ayres or the Crown Prince was that if I beat around the bush like I would with other women, I wouldn't get a proper answer.
So, when I wanted an answer, I chose to ask a little more directly. It was close to rudeness for a noble lady to have such language, but they were being quite generous in accepting it, so I could do it without any hesitation.
This was also why I could throw out the words, 'It's rude to me that you're looking so dejected.'
But Michael Ayres was a more brazen man than I thought. He was a bold man who would shamelessly reveal his inner thoughts, and he was also a man who clearly proved that the title of Knight of Ice was a false one.
"So, did you feel any pity? Did you feel like reaching out because you felt sorry for me?"
Why did I forget this, stupidly?
I felt flustered by the reversed tone. It was so frustrating to see him wagging his unseen tail as if he had properly taken the bait, after all the time I had spent reading his face. What was even more infuriating was my lips, which were calling his name stupidly, unlike my tangled mind.
"Sir Ayres?"
"I'm ashamed of myself for not being able to control my emotions properly in front of my lady, but this isn't so bad either."
His face, which had changed in an instant, was softly relaxed as if he had never been depressed. What was clearly imprinted on his ice-like smooth cheeks was a heart that was burning hot with emotions for me.
"Now you're even worried about me. I'm really ecstatic."
Before I knew it, his body was close to me. This ruthless man, who was innocent and upright, and sometimes so bold as to recklessly throw his emotions at me, was smiling brightly, trembling with unparalleled joy. It was such a heartfelt confession that I was embarrassed just watching.
"So, didn't you feel like comforting me?"
The voice that whispered lowly was so sweet that I couldn't believe it was the voice of Sir Michael Ayres.
"If so, please cherish me with that heart."
Putting a hand on a knight's shoulder was only possible when making a sacred oath. And this was something that only the Emperor or the Bishop, or the Crown Prince he served, could do. And that was only once a year, if that.
But to naturally take my hand and place it on his shoulder... I unknowingly swallowed a mouthful of air and looked at him.
The beautiful knight, whom everyone envied, was worshiping me like an empress and had carelessly opened up everything to me. He had thrown away all the customs, etiquette, and pride that a knight should have.
His eyes, burning hot with affection, were filled only with me.
Please.
It felt like the unspoken words were echoing in my ears.
My cheeks flushed hotly for a moment. I flinched away from his gaze like a person who had been burned.
At this point, I couldn't help but fume at his shamelessness in making such a blatant gloomy expression. If it was this man, who uttered such embarrassing words without hesitation, then his dejected appearance just now must have been deliberately fabricated.
But I couldn't say anything. I only breathed out shallow breaths and focused on the sensation that was reaching my fingertips. Only the solid shoulder muscles were approaching me with a thrilling sensation.
