15 - Pieces of the Broken Glass Slipper
Shattered Glass Slipper Shards Episode 15
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The reason our conversation is flowing so smoothly right now is entirely because I'm matching her level and playing along. Otherwise, it would have fallen apart or become awkward long ago. But Roena wasn't realizing any of this.
That said, there's no way I could get angry at her or yell at her to stop right now. This is all just a beautiful situation of ‘Roena's efforts to get closer to her stepsister’.
More than anything, most of the people in the hall didn't know what level of conversation Roena was engaging in, or how much it was putting me in a difficult position.
For nobles, this level of knowledge is basic common sense that must be possessed. Therefore, a conversation like this was entirely natural. Rather, it was I who was foolish and ignorant for not understanding.
Exhausted by the endless conversation, I finally couldn't bear it and opened my mouth.
“Roena. You truly know so many things in depth. Our enriching conversation is enough to lift my spirits. But wouldn't this be enough? My throat is already hoarse from marveling at your intellect.”
“Oh my, you’re right. I’m so sorry. I was only thinking of myself.”
Damn it, you only realize that now? What an annoyingly selfish girl!
I smiled broadly, hiding my displeasure, and lightly shook my head.
“No, it wasn’t just you who enjoyed the conversation. But I wish you would focus a little more on your food. Otherwise, you’ll be very hungry. Do you understand what I mean?”
I said ‘So shut up and eat, you girl’ in the most softened way possible, and she reluctantly agreed.
Then, with a flushed face, she turned her gaze away. Thankfully, Roena didn't utter another word. Instead, she focused on eating her food with her fork and knife.
This continued until the meal was over. It was truly a blissfully enjoyable silence.
Despite the brief incident, I felt good from the leisurely meal, a rare treat after so long. I rinsed my mouth with lemon water offered by a maid and wiped my hands with a napkin.
My stepfather was enjoying the afterglow of the banquet, sipping cherry brandy, while my mother was slowly sipping honey-sweetened wine from a cold pewter goblet.
Roena was eating baked apples, glazed with honey. My stepfather spoke up, as if suddenly remembering something, just as his brandy was nearly gone.
“Speaking of which, I received word from my sister this afternoon. She said she would arrive at the estate in two days.”
At his words, my mother’s complexion turned ashen white. She felt dread at the impending visit of my stepfather’s sister, my adoptive aunt, the Marquise Louise Bella de Lavalier.
Madame de Lavalier, a socialite and a paragon for all young ladies, was a Lady among Ladies and a noble among nobles, someone everyone admired.
She possessed profound artistic taste in many fields, championed and loved young intellectuals, and had extensive connections through her many exchanges with prominent figures from all walks of life.
Moreover, even past forty, she was so fashionable that she could be considered a trendsetter, earning everyone’s envy. She was, in short, a woman close to perfection.
However, my mother did not like Madame de Lavalier. No, it would be more accurate to say she feared her.
The aura emanating from Louise Bella de Lavalier, her sharp gaze, and her contemptuous look towards the woman who had charmed her brother were too much for my timid mother to bear!
She even burst into tears in my arms after their first meeting!
‘Oh, my child. I am so ashamed. I have never experienced such contempt in my life. I felt like meat hanging in a butcher’s shop. You should have seen Louise Bella de Lavalier’s arrogant smile!’
When she first went to introduce herself, Madame apparently didn't say a word. She simply sat like a queen, surrounded by other women, and stared at my mother.
As if deeming her not even worth speaking to, as if not acknowledging her existence, she remained silent.
Then, when my mother, exhausted by the unspoken pressure, was gasping for breath and trembling almost to the point of suffocation, Madame finally rose and uttered a single sentence.
‘A waste of time. Without even needing to look, she is a most unappealing woman.’
Ah, how can I describe the humiliation of that moment? I would likely never forget it until the day I die. Those were cruel words that trampled on my dignity as a woman.
And now, Louise Bella de Lavalier, who inflicted such feelings upon my mother, is arriving at the Bishwaltz estate in two days.
It was only natural for my mother to be afraid. She cautiously looked at my stepfather and asked,
“Um, do you know the reason for her visit?”
My stepfather replied nonchalantly.
“The exposition opens in ten days. She’s coming to see it. So I asked her to stay at the estate. It’s been a while since I’ve seen my sister, after all. And I have a favor to ask as well.”
“A favor?”
“There’s no one better than my sister to teach Cishe, is there?”
In the past, my stepfather had also tried to entrust me to Madame de Lavalier. His intention was for me to become a proper lady with her help.
But at that time, I had wasted half a year indulging in buying luxurious items and couldn't keep up with Madame de Lavalier’s education and guidance at all.
Instead, I often couldn't bear her contemptuous gaze and would throw a tantrum, crying uncontrollably. This continued until Madame de Lavalier, tired of my foolish behavior, left the estate in anger.
It was as if I had mistaken a golden opportunity that came to me willingly for a mere stone on the road and kicked it away fiercely.
Her anger towards me was so deep that Madame de Lavalier didn't even send a letter to the estate until my stepfather’s death.
My stepfather was unintentionally forced into a sort of estrangement with Madame de Lavalier because of me. Even after I belatedly sought her forgiveness, realizing I needed her help to surpass Roena, she wouldn't even open her gates, let alone speak to me.
And now, that Madame de Lavalier is coming. To teach me, just like before.
My mother’s lips trembled, and she looked at me with concern. Her gaze held a deep worry that words couldn't express.
I gave my mother a reassuring smile and said to my stepfather in a more cheerful voice,
“But surely Aunt won’t be able to take on teaching me entirely? I worry it might be too much trouble for her because of me.”
“My sister will teach you the basic etiquette and grace befitting a lady. You will learn other subjects from tutors, so don’t worry.”
“That’s a relief. I was worried she would go to too much trouble because of me.”
From basic ballroom dancing to musical instruments, music, singing, literature, painting, embroidery, history, basic arithmetic, ancient languages, and foreign languages – there was so much for me to relearn.
Horseback riding, as well as simplified strategy games, gambling, and theater, were also new skills to acquire.
My stepfather hired all the tutors to teach me without overlapping with Roena’s schedule, so I wouldn’t be inconvenienced.
I ran to him and kissed his cheek, as if showing my gratitude for his consideration. My stepfather seemed slightly taken aback by such a passionate display of affection, which was more common among commoners, but soon let out a hearty laugh, not seeming displeased.
After all, while Roena was a very loving, beautiful, and affectionate daughter, she had been raised with strict etiquette as a lady, so direct physical contact was very rare.
Kissing a man on the cheek, as I had just done, was something only possible in private, unseen spaces.
Ignoring Roena’s wide-eyed, surprised gaze, I put on the happiest smile I could manage.
“I will work hard so as not to disappoint you.”
Having the memories of the past, I knew everything, but pretending not to know and hiding it was my way of showing that I, too, was a genius with infinite potential, much like Roena.
This was preparation to earn the title of ‘a girl who is a genius and a hard worker, no less than Roena,’ instead of the stigma that clung to the past me, Cishe de Bishwaltz: ‘a foolish, ignorant, and immature woman who knew nothing of etiquette.’
Therefore, for the glorious day that would eventually come, I was confident I could laugh off Madame de Lavalier’s sharp tongue and contemptuous gaze.
If it would serve as a stepping stone for my growth, I wouldn't hesitate to grovel at her feet and lick them like a dog.
So, let me learn greedily and absorb diligently. Let me strive to grow large feathers on my downy wings. Until I can soar freely through the vast, high heavens.
My stepfather laughed heartily, seemingly pleased with my words. He then looked at me with a gentle smile and said,
“Yes, I will look forward to it.”
Instead of replying, I bowed deeply, calmly meeting my mother’s anxious gaze. I wished for her arrival to come even sooner.
After the banquet, I made small talk to aid digestion and then excused myself from my stepfather and mother.
Roena seemed inclined to stay longer and bid me farewell. Her eyes, sparkling with admiration and affection for my mother, suggested she hadn't yet heard the ‘key’ story.
Perhaps that’s why? Her demeanor seemed like that of a young animal. A puppy eager to show affection, in other words, a wicked thing that ruins everything by feigning innocence.
This must be why I felt the urge to ruin that innocent face. But I couldn't show it.
Instead, pretending to be an older sister who couldn't bear her younger sibling's cuteness, I kissed her cheek with a shy smile.
Afterward, upon arriving in my room, I immediately called out to Marie for water to rinse my mouth.
\*
To become a beauty praised by all, several conditions are necessary.
Hair that shines like gold, smooth skin, a full bosom, a slender waist, long and firm legs like a deer’s, eyes that sparkle like jewels, a well-defined nose, lips with a faint pink hue, and a shapely posterior.
Above all, the most crucial element is to have skin as white as snow.
Even a beauty with perfect features would be ridiculed for her common origins if her skin was dark. In aristocratic society, skin that wasn't pale was considered something only a commoner working under the sun would possess.
Unfortunately, my skin was not pale. Perhaps from following my mother to work since childhood, it had a slightly yellowish hue, like freshly baked bread.
It was a mark of my common origins, a source of ridicule for socialites. While the face could be concealed, areas like the collarbone below the neck or the arms could not be hidden.
Furthermore, the fashion at the time favored dresses with sleeves reaching the forearms, making it impossible to wear gloves that covered the wrists.
Consequently, at every party I attended, I stood alone, drawing people’s attention, and had to swallow my indignation as I received contemptuous glances even from women who pretended to be my allies.
Marie and the other maids knew that pale, clear skin was important for noblewomen, but they offered no beauty treatments or advice.
Even Roena said to me, ‘I thought your skin was beyond help, even with whitening cream (a mixture of rose water with powder, egg white foam, dried ginger powder, and lard. It whitens the skin),’ so there’s no need to mention the attitude of others.
However, after my stepfather’s death, when I took control of the estate, I learned of the existence of ‘whitening cream,’ and through diligent use, my skin became astonishingly white. Almost as white as Roena’s.
