143 - Pieces of the Broken Glass Slipper
Shattered Glass Slipper Shards 143
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Affection is not divided equally among everyone. It has its own hierarchy. Even a Mother, who seems to be the most impartial when it comes to love, has a child she pays a little more attention to. How much more so for others?
Lüset Roshan’s affection for me is definitely genuine. This is something I believe without a doubt. But when ranking its measure and depth, I was in the lowest tier. This is when considering all the people she loves, such as her family and friends.
In particular, the Crown Prince and Sir Ayres were walls I couldn't overcome. Counting the years of friendship they had built up, it was inevitable.
Therefore, no matter how much she said she followed me, if an incident like this happened again, she would definitely take a step back. Then, she would try to comfort me with the excuse that she couldn't help it because it was the Crown Prince's order.
The fear and disappointment I felt were in these aspects. Not being able to be 'everything'. Not being able to be 'first'.
In fact, in terms of quality, Lady Roshan's affection was more unpleasant and terrible. She created unspoken expectations based on uncertain 'possibilities'. Just like I do to Michael Ayres.
Anyway, ranking and receiving 'consideration', 'affection', and 'friendship' was futile. It was the same as being forced to watch passively, and who would like that?
It might have been better if the hierarchy was as clear as Princess Dieunzel's group. I wouldn't have had to go through unwanted tests.
But what is all this? I'm angry and can't stand it. What's even more frustrating is this situation where I have to suppress these emotions.
Still, what sets Lüset Roshan apart from the Crown Prince is that she has at least a shred of conscience left.
She confessed that she had no choice but to retreat helplessly at his signal because the Crown Prince had suddenly started the test.
It was the complete opposite of before, when she acted as if she had planned it in advance. I wasn't sure if this was another test, or the best apology she could offer, so I remained silent.
"You mustn't doubt my best efforts, Sis."
When I didn't react, Lady Roshan became noticeably restless. The tips of her fingers, which were holding my hand, were as cold as if they had been dipped in ice water.
It was like a small animal whimpering as it looked around cautiously. As expected of friends, I don't know how she resembles Sir Ayres in this aspect as well.
I swallowed a rising sigh and answered her as if nothing was wrong.
"I was just having a hard time calming down."
"I can promise you that this won't happen again. Really. Trust me."
Well, will His Highness really not have a 'next time'? These words were hovering on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't bring myself to say them because of the last bit of patience I had.
The 'fact' that there is no one in this world who can give their heart completely was making me 'wary'.
The fact that the Crown Prince's actions of severely filtering the people around him by threatening their lives were not clearly explained already started a rift.
Their attitude of putting me inside the boundary but constantly monitoring, observing, and analyzing me was nothing more than deception. Rather, Princess Dieunzel's attitude, armed with pretense, could be seen as more sensible and beautiful.
Anyway, is Sir Ayres the key to this matter as well? Am I ultimately left with no choice but to cling to him?
Sir Ayres, whom I've been meeting more often lately, is making the burden in my heart grow because I have to receive even this kind of help.
If the madness I glimpsed was just a delusion, I would have coaxed him even more deeply, but the instinctive sense that was deeply asleep in one corner of my body warned me not to touch the beast's teeth, so the discomfort only increased in many ways.
Still, the reason why I have no choice but to continue the precarious tightrope walk is because his blind devotion, which makes him seem like he's willing to give me his liver and gallbladder, is acting as a great strength for me. His voice, saying that I could use him, was echoing in my ears like an absolution.
So, I'll have to coax him a little more within the permissible limits and extract information.
After clearing my mind, I said to Lady Roshan with a much lighter expression.
"You have to help me with Roena, Lady Roshan. I can't handle her."
Well, I revealed 'myself' as someone who can't handle Roena as a first step. What kind of appearance will you show me now?
Lady Roshan's expression changes strangely at the subtle words. Her eyes moved back and forth as if she was trying to figure out what it meant to be unable to handle it.
After a while, Lady Roshan opened her mouth and said.
"Of course. If Sis asks, I can always do that."
I smiled and talked with Lady Roshan about the day I would take Roena to the Crown Prince. At the same time, I was calmly accumulating questions in my head that I should ask Sir Ayres, as if I had never been threatened by an arrow.
That day's hunt brought great gains to all the young nobles, including the Crown Prince. In particular, the Crown Prince's performance was outstanding, and the number of animals he caught alone was thirteen, twice as many as others.
He gave me the skin and meat of the youngest Deer hide as a gift. He did the same to Lady Roshan. All the ladies were grinding their teeth and biting their handkerchiefs as if they were envious of the gifts the Crown Prince had given them.
"What should I do with the Deer hide? The meat can be eaten, though."
I looked at the Deer hide placed at my feet and made a troubled expression. The Deer hide, which had not yet lost its blood and gamey smell, was giving off a disgusting odor.
Since it was a gift from the Crown Prince, I had to wrap it up very carefully and take it with me, but just thinking about putting it in the carriage - it had to be in the carriage. Otherwise, I would be accused of disrespecting his sincerity - made my nose twitch already.
"It's top-quality Deer hide, so you can tan it well and make gloves or shoes. I know a master who handles this Deer hide very well. I'll contact them so they can visit the Bishvarts Family tomorrow."
"Thank you, Lady Roshan."
"I told you to call me Lüce. You're such a stubborn person, Sis."
She glared at me prettily and said as if she was quite upset. And she told me not to forget to bring Roena on the promised day. I said I understood and had the servants take good care of the meat and Deer hide.
The Bishvarts Family people were very surprised when I, who had followed them to the hunting grounds, brought back the Deer hide and meat. The servant who followed me cleared his throat proudly and said it was a gift from the Crown Prince, and they acted as if they were about to faint. So, no one dared to touch it.
I had a maid take the meat to the kitchen to make dinner. It was also a task to tell her that it was okay to eat it, as she was seriously hesitating whether it was okay to use it for dinner.
People looked at me with great admiration, as if they felt I was very bold and brave to handle the Crown Prince's gifts so casually.
Their faces were filled with unnecessary pride. They seemed to find it amazing and impressive that I, who was insignificant, was now associating with such big shots.
Whether the rumor that I had been given Deer hide and meat by the Crown Prince had reached Roena's ears in that short amount of time, she suddenly popped out while I was giving various instructions and was looking at the Deer hide.
Roena exclaimed in admiration and made an envious expression. And she looked at me and blinked her eyes, revealing 'greed' under her long eyelashes.
I couldn't help but be surprised at Roena's appearance. This was the first time in my life that she had directly revealed her greed in this way. Roena, who had returned around this time, was much calmer, more mature, and knew how to control her emotions. But what is this appearance now?
Is it because she is still Margo's child because there is no direct sarcasm or rejection disguised as abuse? Or is there something else? Anyway, I was satisfied with the current state.
Roena, who had been looking at the Deer hide with her eyes for a while, asked me in a voice full of longing. There was also a slight jealousy mixed in.
"Did only Sissae get it?"
"Lüce got it too."
"Lüce?"
"Lady Roshan, I mean."
"Oh, you even call her by her nickname?"
Instead of answering, I had a maid lift the Deer hide. Marie was not one to stand idly by in such a situation, so she quickly pushed the other maids aside with her body and grabbed the Deer hide.
Soon after, she realized what she had done and took the strength out of her hand, but she seemed afraid that she had grabbed the Deer hide given by the Crown Prince so hard that she had even raised her fingernails. Her face turned pale in an instant.
"W-Will there be any marks left?"
"If you tan and cut it well to make gloves, there won't be any marks. Lüce's craftsman will be here tomorrow, so you can hand it over to him."
"Are you going to make gloves out of it?"
Roena asks. Her eyes were rolling anxiously as if asking, 'Whose is it for?'
"Even though it's the Deer hide of a young deer, you can easily make a pair of gloves. A craftsman wouldn't waste a single piece."
"So?"
Roena followed me all the way to the front of my room and persistently asked who the owner of the gloves would be. Since I had only thought about the gloves without any specific plans, her attitude was very funny and ridiculous.
If I answered that it was for me, she would be envious to death, and if I said it was for the Crown Prince, she would be emitting jealousy, so I was wondering what to say.
Should I choose the latter to create some excuses for Sir Ayres?
"I'm going to give it to His Highness."
"Then, can I embroider the cloth used to wrap the gift?"
Roena says as if she had been waiting for it. The face of the girl in love was a mixture of pity and humility, revealing her anxiety like a prisoner on death row waiting for execution. If I said 'no', she would scream and faint.
"Oh, right. I have something to tell you. His Highness has allowed you to come with me to the next gathering."
"Okay."
I deliberately leaked the news that she could meet the Crown Prince to divert her attention from the embroidery, but strangely, her reaction was not that she was happy to death. She was accepting it naturally, as if it was natural.
I couldn't help but feel let down as I had expected her ridiculous appearance.
"Is embroidery more important?"
"I really want to do it. So, can you please allow me?"
"Usually, aren't you happier about the meeting?"
"Pulcher has already promised it, so I don't have any more heart to flutter. Of course, I was so surprised at first that I almost fainted."
Again, Pulcher, the Empress. The way she answered so casually, as if she had arranged everything, was eerily unpleasant. Lately, the Empress has never been absent from Roena's mouth.
That's why I feel uneasy about her surroundings, who has a crush on the Crown Prince. Especially the relationship between the Empress and the Crown Prince.
A Mother who tries to attach a woman to her womanizing son, and a son who deliberately gets along with her knowing her intentions. Can this be seen as a normal mother-son relationship?
Suddenly, a piece of the Witch's prophecy flashed through my mind.
Could it be... could it not be?
"Sissae, what are you thinking about? Won't you answer my request now?"
I tried to hide my complicated feelings and smiled.
"Roena, don't make it difficult for me. What would everyone think if your embroidery was on the gift for His Highness? How about sending a separate gift to His Highness instead?"
"B-But..."
"If I were His Highness, I would be happier with that. Don't you think so? You should give him a gift that you have carefully chosen. Right? So, let's stop talking about embroidery."
And I reached out and gently pushed her shoulder back. What was flowing out through her opened mouth was an eviction order, 'Would you please leave?'
Roena looked at me once with an expression full of injustice, sadness, and confusion, and then went outside.
Whether she was disappointed or angry that she had never achieved what she wanted from me, she was putting quite a bit of strength into each step she took.
I had Seril close the door and then slowly took off my clothes. As I did so, I said as if muttering to myself.
"I should send a letter to Sir Ayres. The content should be a request to have tea in the garden tomorrow."
"Sir Ayres will be very happy."
Blan says with sparkling eyes.
"Yes, he will."
Surely, he would put aside all his schedules and rush over after seeing my letter. He would answer my questions without filtering them and smile as if he was happy just with that. With a glimmer of hope.
After a while, Blan took the letter I had written and headed to the Aires Family. Her face, which returned to the mansion not long after, was flushed.
"He said he wishes tomorrow would come soon."
What was flowing out through her opened lips was a hazy voice. At this point, I knew who she had seen without having to say it. I smiled bitterly and said, 'Okay'.
