118 - Pieces of the Broken Glass Slipper
Shattered Glass Slipper Shards 118
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As soon as I got out of the carriage, I bowed to my stepfather. And I immediately turned around to head to my room. But even that was thwarted after only a few steps, because Mother called out to me from behind.
“Sissae, stop right there for a moment. Where do you think you’re going?”
I turned around to see that, thankfully, she was alone. As soon as I stopped, she began to scold me.
“Why are you doing this? That cold attitude is not right. And you’re not even spending time with Roena. I can’t understand you these days.”
I took a breath and desperately persevered. I suppressed the rising emotions with effort, because I knew what Mother was worried about. That’s why I could endure a little more.
“Let’s talk later.”
But Mother, as if my feelings didn’t matter, kept talking on and on. It was as if she had set a date for this. Even when I begged her to stop, she was adamant.
“No, we need to talk now. Leaving Roena alone on a day like today? How could you do that? How can I face your stepfather?”
“Mother, I told you to stop.”
“That’s what I should be saying, dear. If you want to live well here, we both need to do well. Why don’t you understand that? You and I need to treat Roena well so we can continue to live comfortably in the future. So, can’t you just get along with her a little better?”
In that moment, something snapped. My body trembled, my head heated up, and a desperate scream surged through my tightly closed lips. I couldn’t see anything in front of me.
I slowly took a step towards Mother. Then I opened my mouth and said,
“Get along? How much more?”
“Sissae?”
“By pandering to her? By enduring the shame of being compared, while silently enduring whatever others say, standing behind her like a fool, just laughing ha ha ha?”
Mother called out to me, seemingly flustered.
“Dear?”
I spoke as if appealing with an earnest voice. I had a terrible feeling that I wouldn’t be able to control myself if I didn’t speak like this. So, I desperately hoped that she wouldn’t provoke me any further.
“Mother, I’m your daughter. Not Roena. Why do you keep pushing me by only thinking about her?”
“I’m not doing that…”
“Just stop there. I’m telling you to stop. So please, just sit still and watch without doing anything. Damn it, stop driving me crazy.”
“No, I’m just thinking of you…”
Mother mumbled as if making excuses. But that answer made me even angrier.
She says she’s thinking of me, but what Mother is doing now is purely for herself, with no consideration for me at all.
“Thinking of me? Aren’t you just excited that you can wield me as you please, unlike before?”
“Good heavens! H-How can you say such a thing to me?”
She distorted her face as if shocked and sniffled. Just like Roena.
I felt even more disgusted by that behavior. I wanted to scream, if I could. I wanted to shout at her to come to her senses.
But I couldn’t, because this place where Mother and I are standing is inside the Bischwartz mansion.
I didn’t know who might be listening. Therefore, to prevent any possible incidents, I had no choice but to clench my teeth and speak in a low voice.
“So, if you’re thinking of me, stop it now. I’ll take care of it myself, so please stop interfering. Do you know how much your actions are hurting me?”
“Sissae, don’t do this to me. Huh?”
“Mother, you should rather recall the old me and be afraid. That would be better than now.”
In that instant, Mother’s eyes changed. As I said, she seemed to be thinking of the previous violent Sissae, the bad daughter who threw household items and made all sorts of retorts, and her expression was rapidly hardening. How tragic is this!
“H-How can you tell your mother to be afraid of her daughter? You’re such a bad child. How can you do this to me?”
“I’ll return those words to you as they are. Mother, how can you do this to me?”
Would it have been better if I wasn’t the only one who had returned to the past? Seeing Mother trying to go in a completely different direction without even knowing the circumstances, I felt like I was going to suffocate.
Just because it’s less than before, no, just because it’s not blatant, doesn’t mean that the sharp gazes and ridicule from the people in the mansion disappear.
This was the same even if I prostrated myself before Roena and catered to her whims. No, they might even treat me the same and ignore me.
Didn’t the previous Roena tell me when I tried to commit suicide? She said she just went along, thinking that’s how it was supposed to be.
“The maids under the head maid are often scolded by Mother for bullying my children these days. But has Roena ever complained about that? Has she ever said anything to Mother to take Margo’s side?”
“That’s not it, but…”
“So, don’t force me to do anything with Roena again. I’ll take care of everything myself.”
After speaking, I tapped my head with my index finger, replacing the words ‘think about it’. It was a somewhat rude attitude to take towards Mother, but I couldn’t help it because I felt like I would literally go crazy if I didn’t do this.
Mother didn’t stop me as I turned around and headed back to my room. No, it would be more accurate to say that she couldn’t even think of stopping me. She must be too busy thinking about the meaning of the words I threw at her.
The reason for this mess today is that I focused all my attention on controlling the maids in the mansion through Marie, and ended up condoning Mother’s excessive closeness to Roena.
I ignored it, thinking it wouldn’t become a wall, but in the end, it grabbed my ankle like this.
Is it time to think about this now? If I continue like this, it seems that taking control of the mansion after my stepfather’s death will be difficult. No, I can’t even guarantee that a rebellion won’t happen. I’ve learned through two cases that the future is changing.
Then that means I have to make a plan… A big incident that will make Mother and Roena clash and grow apart.
“It has to be a very effective method, too.”
I need a bold yet cunning, and very vicious plan. One that makes each other hurt and cry out.
It would be even better if the conflict was caused by Roena’s good intentions. If this leads to the old, vicious Mother, it would be very welcome. No, it will happen. Because I will induce it that way.
Thinking about this makes me feel better again. The bubbling inside seems to be calming down little by little. I still need cold water, but this is better than nothing, right? In fact, I deserve applause just for not screaming.
Ah, it seems I’ve become a noble lady now. Even in the midst of all this, I’m wary of any possible attention.
Anyway, the fact is that I’m mentally exhausted, so I dragged my feet almost to the door of my room when someone suddenly appeared.
I was so surprised that I couldn’t even scream and froze, and he slowly revealed himself from the darkness. It was Sir Lustewin Halberd.
He was standing in front of me wearing the same armor he wore during the swordsmanship competition. His face was flushed with a celebratory drink. The smell of alcohol was wafting from his whole body.
“Please lower your head.”
The voice that came out was also unlike his usual self. It was more twisted, I should say. It was strange that he was asking me to lower my head out of the blue. He must be really drunk.
I was so flustered that I couldn’t even react and just rolled my eyes blankly. He shook his head as if frustrated. Then he took a step closer and immediately put what he was holding on my head.
“I, I wanted to give it to you. But I couldn’t. Because I didn’t have a good reason!”
I raised my hand and touched what was on my head. Judging from the feel of the soft petals, it seemed to be the Floral Crown given to the winner.
…Wasn’t this given to Roena? Why did he have it until now?
I couldn’t come to my senses with the series of events that kept happening. It was as if they were launching mental attacks in order, as if they had planned it.
“You may not like it, but please wear it in front of me right now.”
“Sir Halberd, what are you talking about? No, more than that, why are you giving me this Floral Crown…”
Is this what it feels like to talk to a wall? He kept spouting out his own words. He didn’t seem to care about my voice at all.
“He said he would defeat me and offer the glory of victory to the young lady. So I replied that it was my job. Then he got angry, and I wondered if he was really the Knight of Ice. I just gave an answer as a Bischwartz knight. But, isn’t it strange?”
He staggered one step closer and reached out to grab my hand. Then, looking at me as seriously as he could, he uttered each word politely.
Even though he was drunk, his voice was more sincere than ever.
“Why am I so angry? Why do I feel so uneasy? Why, why, why… do I feel sorry for and love the young lady who pushes me away?”
I was at a loss for words. I didn’t know what to say.
No, this is a dream. Otherwise, this couldn’t be happening. Therefore, his lips landing on the back of my hand are a lie. The Floral Crown on my head is a lie. And, and… what else is a dream?
“So please stop pushing me away now. Please stop saying that I’m Lady Roena’s knight. Everyone knows it even if they don’t say it. But if even you do that, I, I…!!”
At the peak of his words, his knees gave way. At the same time, he collapsed forward. I reflexively supported him as if embracing him, but Sir Halberd didn’t even budge, as if he had already lost consciousness.
Worried, I gently brought my ear to his face and heard a low snoring sound. Did he fall asleep because he couldn’t handle the alcohol?
“What is going on…”
It’s such an absurd situation that I can’t help but laugh. But I couldn’t keep standing like this. Above all, there was no way I had the strength to keep hugging a man, especially one wearing armor.
So, I tried to twist my body slightly to pull away, but I couldn’t move because his arms were wrapped around my waist. In the end, I tried to relieve the weight from Sir Halberd by sitting down on the floor.
But is this really reality? Lustewin Halberd in my arms. Something that the previous me could never have imagined was happening. No, it’s something I couldn’t even achieve in my dreams.
Why is this happening now that I’ve given up, now that I’ve returned? I gave up on you…
“Why is the Goddess of Fate so cruel, Sir Halberd? Is she trying to kill me with hope torture?”
Even if I asked quietly, no one would answer. Only one emotion that I had buried deep in a corner of my heart was slowly raising its head and shouting, ‘I’m not dead yet, Sissae.’
Is that why? My heart is pounding. No, it’s not just my heart that’s pounding. My whole body was shaking like it was convulsing. My fingertips and toes had long been cold from tension. Only my face was flushed red as if it would burst.
My helpless hands were quietly placed on his back. I couldn’t even dream of trying to brush his hair up. I could only mumble helplessly, and there was nothing more I could do.
“If you knew what I was doing now, would you dare to say that I’m lovely or pitiful? No, isn’t the word ‘pitiful’ itself pity for me? But why am I wavering again? Like a fool…”
Tears were about to flow, so I looked up at the ceiling and bit my lip tightly. I felt so foolish and pathetic that I couldn’t even bring myself to touch his face even at times like this, and I just wanted to cry.
But I held back and took a breath quietly. I just hoped that his arm would fall off with a single shift, and I felt his warmth reaching my stomach as I became a statue.
The night deepened like that, and dawn was slowly approaching.
