101 - Pieces of the Broken Glass Slipper
Shattered Glass Slipper Shards Episode 101
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Emery Nilam tugged at my dress sleeve as I tried to rise from my seat, whispering as she did. The words that flowed from her lips were an enticingly sweet temptation in themselves.
“Are you thinking of going to the recitation? Why not consider my earlier offer a little more?”
I asked her in return.
“How so? Wouldn’t Pulcher be displeased?”
“Don’t worry about that. Pulcher isn’t one to be angered by such things.”
No, even the most affectionate and generous woman tends to display controlling habits, as if she were a ruler, at least during a tea time she hosts.
This was even more so for women of high status. It was a matter of noble dignity, which they, as esteemed individuals, could not help but feel keenly. This was precisely what I was pointing out. That was why I couldn’t trust her words.
“But there’s always a chance.”
“No, trust me. There really is nothing to worry about. I’ll swear on my name if you wish.”
“Of course, I know that an oath sworn on one’s name is more sincere than any other promise. But if you were considerate of me, who is new to this situation, I would need more solid proof. We haven’t exactly built up much trust between us yet, have we?”
“What would you like me to do?”
I echoed her words verbatim. It was my way of saying, ‘You figure out how to provide proof so that I can have faith.’
At that, a deep furrow formed between Emery’s brows. Her parted lips seemed to quiver as if she wanted to say something.
I calmly waited for her to speak. In the meantime, everyone had left, and now only the two of us remained.
“Alright. I’ll be frank.”
After several minutes, Emery exhaled a sigh and spoke. She was a bit difficult, but she was also the Empress’s ‘jester.’
“Pulcher doesn’t think highly of Madame de Lavallière. Considering the negative influence she has on society as a whole, it’s only natural. That’s why she doesn’t want a young and innocent girl like you to be tainted by her.”
Emery Nilam was downplaying the conflict between the Empress and Lavallière as a purely public matter, while at the same time emphasizing that all of this was for my sake. She wore a sorrowful expression, as if she were genuinely concerned.
“Take the ball, for example. A sincere girl with a good heart wouldn’t even think of participating. It was an act that would tarnish your reputation. Why did you send a letter to Madame de Lavallière?”
Then, she made it seem as if all of this was happening because of my misguided actions. It was a disguise to make the last words seem insignificant, and I couldn’t help but applaud her cunning tactics.
Because an innocent girl would have made excuses to me, explaining why she sent a letter to Lavallière.
“What does that have to do with the current situation?”
I asked her, as if I couldn’t understand.
“Pulcher is curious to know how much your sincerity has faded. Because one Madame de Lavallière is enough.”
I frowned and retorted in a chilly voice. I acted as if I couldn’t bear to be lumped together with her, rather than worrying about the insult Madame de Lavallière had received. My trembling shoulders were perfect for expressing contempt.
“Oh, no. If she didn’t like the way I was, she wouldn’t have shown signs of inviting me or allowing me to be seated in the first place. What other time in my life is as easily swayed by the words of others as my age? Therefore, if my lily-like purity is in doubt, I would rather walk out as I am. Even if it means never setting foot in the palace again.”
“Then all you have to do is be honest. Pulcher loves a sincere attitude.”
I felt like bursting into laughter at Emery’s attitude of acting sincere, as if she were putting on an exaggerated play.
But since I couldn’t just laugh like that, I suppressed it and spoke carefully, as if I were worried.
“But what if it’s distorted and altered? If you knew what I was worried about, you wouldn’t urge me like this. I’d rather go to Pulcher and confess boldly.”
“No. Sometimes it’s better to talk through someone else. Speaking through the fog, it’s hard to gain trust unless you show the substance. You don’t know society well yet. That’s why you can act so boldly. But that courage will soon turn into shame and fear.”
She uttered a soft warning. It was a terrifying premonition that the study would also turn into a ‘den of devils,’ just as she had planned to approach me if Giyomin had failed, just as the Empress would take other women to the study and leave us alone to talk.
I took a step back. The toe of my shoe was already turned towards the study. Emery Nilam’s expression grew more and more distorted, as if she had noticed this.
“Do you know what the characteristic of a young person is? It’s that they don’t know fear until they experience it.”
“You’ll regret it. You might run out crying.”
I added a smile to my lips. As if it were absurd.
Emery’s claim that I would regret it was wrong. If I had felt that way, I wouldn’t have entered the palace in the first place. Even if it was the Empress’s invitation.
Perhaps I would have rolled down the stairs, risking criticism, or pretended to have a fever and claimed to be seriously ill.
Because no woman in society likes to be called rude. This was the same for the Empress.
But I accepted the Empress’s invitation, even embracing the fear, and I clearly felt what she wanted from me.
I also confirmed how much of Lavallière’s shadow she felt in me. Now all that was left was to finish it.
I had experienced enough sharp criticism, contempt, scorn, and malice in the past, so it was ridiculous to be surprised by it now.
A den of devils? Where in society is there a place where shadows are not cast? This was a world that scoffed at art without a single blemish, considering it dull in itself.
As I approached the door to the study, she warned me one last time. The hand she offered, disguised as generosity, was arrogant to the extreme.
“It will be hard to handle. So why not accept this small favor now?”
The reason why a jester is only used for a short time is because the talent they can show is limited.
Especially a masked jester, since you can’t see their unique comical expression, it’s even less interesting.
Emery Nilam was exactly like that. Her skills were better than Madame Giyomin, but in terms of fun, she was a step below her.
I bowed as if I were grateful for her consideration. And without hesitation, I walked over and opened the door to the study.
The Empress’s study was like a small condensation of a library, made up of huge bookshelves. The only place where people could sit together was in the very center, and only the desk right in front of the window indicated that this was a very personal place.
The women were sitting in a circle around the Empress. Only the woman who was reading was standing in her place.
She must have been reciting a poem, because when I entered, a metaphorical and suggestive sentence echoed throughout the room.
The reciting woman seemed to have reached a climax of emotion, and she made a magnificent sound in the passage confessing love, lifting everyone’s spirits.
Her voice, which flowed out as if scraping, with her chin deeply lowered, was very similar to that of a man.
Was that why? When the woman’s voice ended on the last rhyme, most people’s cheeks were flushed red like girls who had awakened to love.
“That was a wonderful recitation.”
The Empress complimented the woman. The woman bowed slightly, as if she were honored. And she handed the book she was reading to the maid who approached her.
It was around this time that another maid approached me, who was sitting at the end, and handed me the book she was holding.
The book, covered in a black cover, was difficult to guess what it was about because the title was not written on it. I was about to turn the pages for a moment to take a look, but I couldn’t even do that because the Empress’s voice calling me came first.
“How about Miss Sissae reading this time? It is well known in society that Madame de Lavallière likes recitations, so I am very curious about your skill that will please her ears.”
I got up from my seat. Everyone’s eyes were on me. I could see Roena’s face very well, looking at me with a worried expression.
I moved my finger and opened a page. What was written on the first page was a poem. It was a verse composed of content that was too common to read at a recitation, though I had read it once in a while to build up my literary knowledge.
It was a poem that noble girls usually learned when they took literature classes. It seemed that there was something that perfectly suited the teachers’ tastes, and reading it was like a required course. Well, the class ended quickly because of the stale content and length.
Anyway, since it was a poem that the Empress had chosen herself, there was no reason to hesitate and I had to read it right away. I slowly recited in a voice that was neither too high nor too low.
The opening phrase, which began with ‘O Empire, radiant light. Love that boasts a fresh beauty like the blue sprouts that appear when the snow melts!’ was so famous that everyone’s eyes were quickly filled with boredom.
Even the Empress, who had chosen this poem, was fanning herself and looking elsewhere. Only Roena was listening with interest.
As the pages turned one by one, the women’s postures gradually became disheveled. Some people were whispering and chatting with the person next to them.
The surroundings quickly became chaotic. It was very difficult to read the poem patiently in the midst of the murmuring people. This was especially true if the poem was only halfway through.
It was when I was reading the 15th paragraph that I stopped speaking at a sentence that was subtly different from what I remembered.
I wasn’t sure, but the verse I had learned from the teacher wasn’t expressed like this. A small doubt was connected to hesitation. My head was spinning at the thought of ‘no way.’
But the reason I couldn’t be sure was because the content of the poem was vague. I looked up at the Empress. Her eyes, with a firm light under her full eyelashes, seemed to urge me to ‘keep reading.’
The women, who had not been interested in whether I recited or not, stopped talking and looked at me, as if they had sensed something strange.
“Is there a problem? Surely there isn’t a word you can’t read, is there?”
Someone’s sneer that flowed out was clearly an intentional act.
The Empress raised her hand and called a maid. And she whispered something. The maid who received her instructions approached me and took the book. The paragraph I had hesitated over was opened as it was and went into the Empress’s hands.
The Empress was looking at the book of poems with eyes that were impossible to know what she was thinking. Then, after a while, she handed the book to the woman sitting on her right.
“What do you think?”
“It is incorrectly written.”
“The young lady must have been very embarrassed.”
The woman handed the book back to the maid waiting behind her and continued.
“However, all you have to do is keep reading. Isn’t it the most basic poem? Knowing that it is a wrong paragraph means that you know the correct verse. So, please generously understand the hesitation a moment ago, and let her continue reading the poem. She should do so for her own honor.”
The maid brought the book of poems back to me. The gazes of the people, who had completely focused on me because of what had happened a moment ago, were directed at me as if they were forcing me.
“That’s right. Miss, keep reading. It is said that there is only one paragraph that is wrong, so it won’t be that difficult.”
The Empress said.
I secretly bit the soft flesh inside my mouth with my teeth and thought.
I’ve been had.
