Ch#64
64. Cowardly Child
Kang-hyeok stood at the edge of the garden in front of the main residence, gazing at the snow-covered landscape. As the wind blew, thin branches swayed, and pure white snow gently fell. He stood rigid like a stone pillar. Snowflakes piled silently on his shoulders and head, but he seemed oblivious, not moving a muscle.
The scene of Kang-woo and Na-eun laughing with the children and making snowmen unfolded vividly before his eyes like a dream. The children's laughter and the conversations exchanged while shaping the snowmen drifted over faintly like background music from afar. In that moment, Kang-hyeok was overwhelmed by the deep solitude and longing rooted in his heart. He felt utterly small and powerless, unable to approach them.
'Why am I always standing outside scenes like this?'
Kang-hyeok tried to force a smile, but the muscles around his mouth remained stiff. The warm scene before him evoked memories of the ordinary happiness he once could have had. Regret over his broken relationship with Min-ho and the irretrievable time crushed his chest.
Kang-hyeok lowered his gaze. The cold air faintly clouded his breath. As he clenched his fist, the cold snow melted at his fingertips.
"Is it too late to turn back now?"
The deeper his anguish grew, the more his eyes wavered.
The ideal family he had dreamed of was being embodied by Teacher Na-eun and Kang-woo. His unfaithful wife and shattered home. The wounds from that had left Min-ho with selective mutism. His own family was a complete failure. Yet Teacher Na-eun was piecing together those broken shards into such a beautiful picture.
As he let out a small sigh, he saw Kang-woo coming out of the annex after changing clothes. It was because Kang-woo had noticed Kang-hyeok watching them while they made snowmen. Kang-woo walked over and stood in front of Kang-hyeok.
"Why were you just standing there watching? Come roll some snow at least."
"How could I?"
At Kang-woo's words, Kang-hyeok responded in an uncertain voice.
"Why not? You're Min-ho's father."
Kang-hyeok looked at him with hurt eyes.
"Right. I'm Min-ho's dad. A pathetic dad who gave Min-ho such deep wounds."
"What on earth happened? Why did the kid end up like that? Do you think I can't find out if I try? Why did you change counselors?"
"Didn't Teacher Na-eun tell you?"
"Do you think Na-eun would carelessly gossip about that? She doesn't talk about private matters you haven't shared yourself."
"Right. Teacher Na-eun seems like a really good person. I can never stand before Min-ho as a father with any dignity again. Because I tried to die in front of him."
"What?"
Those words shocked Kang-woo deeply.
"What did you say? You tried to die? Are you insane?"
"I really loved Min-ho's mom."
"Even so, that's no excuse. Betrayed by a woman, and you try to die in front of your kid?"
Kang-woo grabbed Kang-hyeok's collar.
"Hey. And you call yourself a dad after that?"
"That's why I can never face Min-ho again."
With that, Kang-woo shoved Kang-hyeok away like discarding trash. Kang-hyeok collapsed weakly into the snow and made no move to get up.
"You're crazy. How could you?"
"Kang-woo. I'm not like you. I lack confidence."
"Confidence in what? Min-ho's improving a lot. He's getting better since changing counselors, putting in so much effort himself—don't cowardly run away."
"Right. That's why I'm holding on with all my strength. So I'm not running away from this spot right now and staying in the main residence."
"You think that's enough? Do everything Teacher Na-eun and the counselor tell you to."
"Fine. I will."
"And stop circling around from the outside—every time you see Min-ho, apologize and tell him you love him!"
"That... I don't think I can."
"Why not?"
Kang-woo yanked Kang-hyeok up from the ground. Then he thrust his face close and said,
"Don't think of relying on others."
"What?"
"Even now, you're relying on Teacher Na-eun."
Kang-hyeok averted his gaze as he spoke.
"Isn't Mom doing the same?"
"Mom's not relying. She's trying to use her. You're the one trying to lean on her. That's why you didn't strongly oppose Mom subtly trying to marry you off to Teacher Na-eun."
At those words, Kang-hyeok fell silent.
He was right. When Mom tried to pair him with Teacher Na-eun, he'd say stop it verbally but inwardly thought maybe if it happened, he could have a complete family.
"If I build a family with Teacher Na-eun, Mom and Dad would be happy too. I could raise Min-ho and Ji-ho well..."
Kang-woo yelled furiously.
"Don't talk nonsense. Is Teacher Na-eun some child-rearing machine? She has a heart and feelings too. If she marries, it'll be to the man she loves, not someone like me—"
Kang-hyeok looked shocked at those words.
"You can't even notice that? Do you think I'd bring just any woman into my annex?"
At that, Kang-hyeok's face showed surprise, then he nodded. Right. Kang-woo wouldn't bring just anyone into his annex. He'd come to care so deeply for Min-ho; how could he take in a woman and child he didn't know for Min-ho's sake? He should've realized it when the guy who hated noise brought in a woman and two kids.
"Love?"
"She's the woman I love."
Kang-woo had never expected to say it this far. Maybe he had feelings for her or wanted her, but love?
"You sure?"
"What kind of question is that?"
"Are you sure it's love?"
"Where's the idiot who doesn't know his own heart?"
"I loved once too!"
"Then you have to take responsibility, right?"
"What?"
"If you love, you take responsibility. Even if you broke up with your wife and were betrayed by her, your love for her doesn't change. And for Min-ho born between you two, you have to take responsibility until you give your life."
Kang-hyeok was truly shocked by Kang-woo's words. He hadn't known Kang-woo thought this way. No, he himself had never thought like that. He'd only thought his own wounds were too big.
"You know people like you are really selfish? Pretending to be weak while only thinking of your own feelings. Ignoring Min-ho whom you should be responsible for, so now a total stranger like Na-eun is doing it. Don't make ridiculous excuses like it's her job. That won't open Min-ho's mouth."
Kang-hyeok nodded.
"Right. That won't open his mouth."
"Na-eun truly worries about and loves Min-ho."
"Yeah. That's why I wavered."
Hearing that, Kang-woo punched Kang-hyeok in the face.
"You'll have a hard time taking responsibility too."
"Don't say that in front of me. I don't want to hear nonsense, and don't even think I'll yield Na-eun because you said it."
Kang-hyeok stood up and pushed Kang-woo down. The two grown men rolled in the snow, struggling for dominance. Eventually, with Kang-hyeok pinned underneath, he looked up at Kang-woo and said,
"You know how high Mom and Dad's expectations for you are? They think I failed, so they'll expect even more from you."
"Who cares about that crap?"
Kang-woo said nonchalantly. Kang-hyeok shook his head.
"You really confident? Mom and Dad will do everything to torment Na-eun and block you two. Can you protect her from all that?"
Kang-woo laughed and said,
"Of course. If they come at us like that, I'll cut ties."
"What? Cut ties with your parents over a woman? Throw away the company too?"
"Yeah. I'm confident. Unlike you."
Kang-hyeok spoke as if it were impossible, but Kang-woo said it casually.
Kang-woo turned and headed back to the annex. Kang-hyeok wiped his mouth and sighed. He had wavered toward Na-eun. If that warm smile embracing Min-ho were directed at him, his wounds might heal completely. He hadn't known Kang-woo thought so deeply. Throw everything away? How could he think that? Then he recalled Kang-woo's words calling him selfish.
"Is that it? I thought I was the only one hurt."
Acting like he was the only one wounded, without considering others, trying to leave this world alone—he was indeed thoroughly selfish. Kang-hyeok recalled Kang-woo's words and gave a bitter smile. He also thought again of Kang-woo's plea not to run away. It seemed he and Kang-woo thought very differently.
As Na-eun was washing the children and about to read them a book, Kang-woo came in. Na-eun asked with a surprised face,
"Didn't you go out after changing clothes earlier? What's with that mess?"
"Yes. Got too excited and rolled around in the snow."
Kang-woo grinned, his clothes a mess from tumbling with Kang-hyeok.
