Chapter 37

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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 37
Chapter Title: The Way Home
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It was supposed to be a gathering to celebrate Han-byeol’s first day of filming, but the guest of honor was absent as the four adults passed the time. What began with a light glass of wine had somehow turned into three empty bottles.

For the most part, Hae-yeong led the conversation, the kind Dr. Joo chimed in with encouragement, and Yeon-joo laughed. Eun-seong merely listened, saying little, until the conversation turned to Dr. Joo’s profession.

“There are too many people abandoning their pets these days. It’s just awful. How could they?”

Hae-yeong muttered this after Dr. Joo mentioned that he spent his free time rescuing stray and injured animals.

“They gush over how cute they are when they get them, but then they just throw them away. They abandon them for being old and sick, for barking, and I even heard they dump them on the way to a vacation?”

Hae-yeong continued. I think animals are cute, but I have no intention of getting one. I’m not confident I can take responsibility for one. It’s hard enough taking responsibility for my own life; that’s too difficult a task.

“I don’t want to be responsible for anything. If you’re not confident you can raise them, like me, you shouldn’t have brought them home in the first place. Isn’t that right, Dr.? What must it feel like to be abandoned?”

…The feeling of being abandoned.

Eun-seong took a sip of his wine.

Dr. Joo followed Eun-seong’s lead and drank his wine, then swirled the little that remained in his glass. Watching Eun-seong and Yeon-joo sitting beside each other from across the table made his heart seethe for some strange reason.

In a slightly bitter tone, Dr. Joo parted his lips.

“The people who abandon their pets are, for the most part, people who like animals.”

“……”

“People who dislike them don’t get them in the first place.”

Back then, did she abandon him? Or was she abandoned?

“That’s why abandoned animals are bound to have deep scars. Because they were loved, then abandoned. Rescued animals will wag their tails at the slightest sound, thinking their owner has come back for them.”

They must have met because they were in love. If there had been no feelings, they would never have become a couple in the first place.

Then, one of them had a change of heart, and one abandoned while the other was abandoned.

“And so begins a long and painful wait. Even when they meet a new owner, the wounds don’t heal easily. They remain in some form, and the animals’ personalities change completely.”

Someone must have left, and someone must have stayed.

If his selfish wish could be granted—he hoped she had been the one who was hurt less. For he had already become a man who had far too much—.

…A silence, intended by no one, settled over them.

Sensing that the thoughts welling in his mind had met her own, though he showed no outward sign, Yeon-joo rose from her seat.

Back then, the one who abandoned had no choice but to do so, and became someone who gave up the future.

“I have to get Han-byeol to school tomorrow, so I should get going.”

Back then, the one who was abandoned had no choice but to be so, and became someone who remained in the past.

“Shall we call it a night, then? The wine is all gone.”

As Hae-yeong asked as if for permission, Eun-seong stood up, went to the sleeping Han-byeol, and carefully lifted him into his arms.

“My jacket.”

“Ah, yes.”

When Yeon-joo handed him the jacket, Eun-seong wrapped it around Han-byeol. After saying their goodbyes to Hae-yeong, they left the house and went down to the first floor, where the scenery of an unfamiliar neighborhood unfolded.

“I’ll carry Han-byeol from here.”

As Yeon-joo reached out her hands, Eun-seong looked at her. Where’s your place? I’ll take you.

He needed to say those words. He wanted to say them so badly.

“Your place… isn’t it far?”

“It’s close. Not far from here.”

“Alright, then.”

On this unfamiliar street with no roof above, the actor Im Eun-seong, having lost his freedom, found it hard to do anything as he pleased.

Dr. Joo, who had been watching quietly, reached for the child, and Eun-seong let out a small breath. After handing the child over to Dr. Joo without much resistance, a hollow wind clung to his chest, making it unbearably cold for a moment.

“Yeon-joo, let’s go together. I’m heading in the same direction.”

“Ah… I can just…”

“Do as Dr. Joo says. It’s not easy carrying a sleeping child. It’s hard on him and hard on you.”

As Eun-seong gently pushed her forward, Yeon-joo hesitated before standing next to Dr. Joo. She tried to return Eun-seong’s jacket that was wrapped around the child, but Eun-seong held up a hand.

“My manager will be here soon. You can give the jacket back next time we meet.”

Nodding a few times to Yeon-joo as if to say goodbye, Eun-seong then looked at Dr. Joo. When Dr. Joo gave a nod to signal his departure, he nodded back in acknowledgment.

He stared blankly as Yeon-joo, Dr. Joo, and Han-byeol on his back slowly grew distant.

A soft moonlight settled over their heads as they matched their pace, moving in the same direction as if by promise, until they finally disappeared from view.

Thrusting his hands into his pockets, Eun-seong let out a long sigh into the empty air.

“They look good together. It’s pissing me off.”

A dozen times a day, his heart would seethe, then freeze over, then melt away.

It would soar fiercely one moment, then his breath would catch as if his pulse had stopped the next. He would take a step forward, wondering if he could reach her, only to take two steps back, thinking, *no, I shouldn’t do that.*

He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them, feeling as if Han-byeol’s warmth still lingered in his arms. The bitterness of having handed the child to Dr. Joo with his own hands made him look down at them with a resentful gaze.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have come. The ending is not to my liking at all.”

He was more than accustomed to erasing the static from his life, but today, for some reason, he found himself sighing for nothing.

“Hyeongnim! Over here!”

Just then, the large van that had come to pick him up appeared, and Eun-seong lifted his head. He squeezed his eyelids shut once, as if to shake off the sorrow filling his body, and hurried into the vehicle.

“Hyeongnim, should we head straight home?”

“Do that.”

“Yes. Understood.”

As soon as the car started moving, Eun-seong aimlessly gazed out the window. He found himself scanning his surroundings, just in case he might catch a glimpse of the two walking.

They must have disappeared into an alley, as they were nowhere to be seen, and the vehicle entered the main road. Only then did Eun-seong slowly close his eyes and his lips.

The more he told himself he couldn’t, the more he wanted her.

The more he defined their relationship as something that was over, the more hope bloomed that maybe, just maybe, they could make it work this time.

“I don’t know anymore… Just let whatever happens, happen…”

Tonight, there was one thing he had finally come to realize.

I was someone who couldn’t be without you.

***

The Heart’s Direction

As they entered a familiar alley and reached the animal hospital run by Dr. Joo, Yeon-joo stopped walking.

When she stopped abruptly, Dr. Joo stopped as well.

“Let’s go all the way to your place, Yeon-joo.”

“I can go alone from here. Your home is here, Dr.”

Dr. Joo’s home was in the same building as the animal hospital. As Yeon-joo took Han-byeol into her arms, the child, briefly woken from his sleep, let out a whimper. Yeon-joo bounced him a few times to soothe him.

“Shh, Han-byeol, it’s Mommy. It’s okay. Let’s go home now. We’re almost there.”

“Hnngh…”

Yeon-joo held Han-byeol tightly and looked at Dr. Joo.

“Thank you for walking me home, Dr. And thank you for celebrating with us today.”

“Ah… I can’t just go in here.”

“It’s okay. It’s close. Besides, I shouldn’t be indebted to you like this.”

Feeling as though she was drawing a line somewhere, Dr. Joo wore a hesitant expression.

Yeon-joo hesitated for a moment before meeting his gaze again. She felt that if not today, she would miss her chance.

“I’m very grateful to you, Dr., and I also feel very sorry. I don’t want to let those feelings grow any larger. I have neither the nerve nor the confidence.”

“……”

“I don’t think I’m in a position to receive your interest and consideration. I hope I don’t have to be an inadequate and embarrassed person in front of you anymore.”

I’ll be going now.

As Yeon-joo added a farewell to her words, Dr. Joo’s lips twitched. But seeing how burdened she looked holding the sleeping Han-byeol, he couldn’t continue the conversation and nodded as if giving up.

“Get home safe, Yeon-joo.”

“Yes. Goodbye, then, Dr.”

Her “goodbye” sounded so final, like a last farewell, that Dr. Joo’s heart sank. It felt as if she had known the question he was holding back and had given him the answer in advance, and a sense of anxiety grew within him, like a man who had lost his way.

“You haven’t forgotten you promised to make time for me this weekend, have you, Yeon-joo!”

He called out to Yeon-joo’s back as she walked away. She stopped and turned around.

“You have to keep your promise! This weekend! You have to!”

“Yes! It’s a promise!”

Having received an unexpected confirmation, Dr. Joo waved his arms in a large motion. As he waved his hands above his head, Yeon-joo finally burst out laughing and continued on her way.

Watching Yeon-joo walk away, wrapped in Eun-seong’s jacket with her child, his chest felt tight, as if the question he couldn’t ask was suffocating him.

“Hoo… I haven’t even properly confessed yet. Did I just get dumped?”

*Yeon-joo. Are you planning to go back to him in the end?*

Dr. Joo looked down at his feet before running his hands messily through his hair. Her expression—neither smiling nor frowning, but one that felt almost reverent—made an end he hadn’t even begun feel suddenly imminent.

Feeling as if the scent from Eun-seong’s jacket lingered at the tip of his nose, Dr. Joo rubbed it. The thought that this scent would also seep into her made a sigh escape him.

*I don’t think I’m in a position to receive your interest and consideration.*

“Not in a position? How could you say something like that…”

*I hope I don’t have to be an inadequate and embarrassed person in front of you anymore.*

“You know… I don’t just fall for anyone…”

His belated excuses filled the space she had left behind. His feet felt rooted to the spot, and after standing there for a long while, Dr. Joo trudged back home.

A long day had passed for everyone.