Ch#63
A few days later, Elric was in the study.
It wasn’t for any particular reason.
He simply felt the need to read after his experiences over the past few days.
As much as he wanted to breeze through difficult educational texts and memorize them, he found himself standing before the bookshelf filled with miscellaneous paperbacks.
“How about getting close to books first?”
Following Tiria’s advice, he was looking for something easy to read.
That was when a certain book caught his eye.
“Hmm, this is…”
It was a book with a brown cover and the title <The Blind Man’s Love> written in yellow letters.
A small chuckle escaped his lips.
It was a familiar book.
Seeing it brought back memories of the past.
It was during the time he was constantly moving from one battlefield to another.
At that time, Elbus had only recently become paralyzed—which is to say, it was the period when their friendship was deepening.
On that day, Elbus was sitting in the middle of a sun-drenched garden, reading a book with a gentle smile on his face.
“What are you reading so intently?”
“Ah, you’re here.”
As Elbus closed the book, the title <The Blind Man’s Love> became visible.
Judging by the title alone, it seemed like a romance novel—something closer to popular fiction than the high-brow, academic subjects he usually enjoyed.
“You read novels like that?”
“Is there any reason I shouldn’t?”
“I just thought you only read difficult books. Didn’t you always say that books exist for the sake of learning?”
“A wise man can gain enlightenment even from looking at a pebble on the side of the road.”
“You always have an answer for everything.”
Elbus merely laughed off the sarcasm.
So, Elric asked.
“Fine. So what did you learn from that book, which looks like a romance novel no matter how I see it?”
“I learned about humanity.”
“Humanity?”
“I learned about the pitiful habits of humans.”
He briefly explained the plot of the novel.
It was a story about a blind boy sold as a toy to a beautiful noble lady. The lady fell in love with the boy because he looked at her inner self, which no one else cared for. They shared a secret affair, were eventually discovered, and the story ended with them committing suicide together.
At the time, Elric’s assessment was blunt.
“What a stupid story.”
“Is that so? It’s a very popular novel.”
“It’s obvious. The theme is something like love transcending social status, isn’t it? People get vicarious satisfaction from things that seem plausible in reality but can never actually happen.”
…He had been quite cynical back then.
Perhaps his puberty hadn’t quite ended, or maybe he was just in a state where everything in the world looked crooked and he only felt relieved by putting others down.
In any case, Elbus dismissed his response, which was thick with such emotions.
“You’re wrong.”
It was a firm, unwavering answer that left no room for doubt, which was unlike him.
“You haven’t interpreted it correctly. Not the story, nor the psychology of those who read it.”
“Hmm?”
“This is a story about vision.”
Elbus said, stroking the cover of the book.
“It’s a story about the senses we rely on. And a story about the various misunderstandings caused by them.”
“What about it?”
“Think of it simply. They say first impressions are important, don’t they? It means that first impression determines a person’s perception.”
“…I’ve heard that before.”
“This book deals with people who have fallen into the trap of such first impressions.”
As usual, his words were difficult to grasp.
“For instance, even if everyone performs the exact same action, like raising a hand to stroke their chin. If a person who looks visually dignified does it, we will wrap that thoughtless movement in the packaging of ‘dignity.’ If it’s a seductive person, we’ll see it as an invitation; if they’re intellectual, as a refined habit; and if they’re base, as vulgarity.”
“Hmm…”
“That’s the trap I’m talking about. As long as vision exists, we cannot help but cast a veil over the humans we look at. It’s the same reason nobles live intoxicated by their outward appearance. They instinctively understand that they must look beautiful first.”
At the end of that long explanation, the conclusion he finally reached was this.
“Information seen through the eyes is an illusion. We live in that illusion our whole lives, never truly seeing anyone’s real self. That is why we desire it.”
“…Desire what?”
“Someone who will look at the real me. And to see the real self of someone else.”
Elric clearly remembered the expression Elbus wore that day.
Unlike his usual cynical self, he was wearing a smile that seemed quite lost in a dream.
His gaze was fixed on his lower body, which no longer functioned.
“That’s why this book sells so well. It stimulates human longing.”
A foolish story.
The reason Elric couldn’t bring himself to say those words again was because of that.
Because he didn’t want to ruin the mood of his friend’s rare sentimental moment.
Instead,
“I didn’t know you liked romance.”
He said.
Elbus replied, his cheeks reddening with embarrassment.
“Everyone dreams of romance. Even knowing it’s a fabricated daydream, they cannot escape it. Humans can only live through connection, and romance contains the most perfect form of connection. Do you not have such a person?”
Who had he thought of that day?
He couldn’t remember well.
“I hope you find such a person too.”
It was a year later when he realized the meaning of the word ‘too.’
Elbus Graham got married.
To Airi Felgarium.
That blunt and boisterous woman.
He later heard that she was the one who had recommended <The Blind Man’s Love> to Elbus.
And there was something Elbus had told him.
It was the very first thing she had blurted out during her first meeting with Elbus.
‘For someone who’s paralyzed, your lower half seems quite light. It’s like watching a squealing boar.’
She was indeed a woman who could pierce through Elbus Graham’s essence at a single glance.
Only then did Elric realize why he, who could never seem to settle down, had decided to marry.
He felt he was still too young to live solely on chewing over old memories.
Elric chuckled to himself as he tucked <The Blind Man’s Love> back into the bookshelf.
However, the sentiment didn’t fade.
Because as he retraced that day’s conversation, a question had surfaced along with it.
‘Intoxicated by vision for a lifetime…’
His gaze turned toward the window.
Tiria was crouching in front of a flowerbed that currently held nothing but soil.
It was something she had been doing quite often lately.
Elric left the study and headed toward her.
“Head of the family?”
Tiria peeked her head up.
Elric looked down at her with a soft smile.
“You were here again.”
The drooping corners of her eyes, her wheat-colored blonde hair, and her sprout-like light green eyes.
Features that held elegance and a delicate frame.
The mystery that those elements created.
To the outside observer, she was a difficult person from a very distant place.
That was why Elric found her difficult.
Thus, he re-examined her while recalling his conversation with Elbus.
His curiosity deepened.
“I was planning the decoration of the flowerbed.”
What kind of person are you, who loves flowers?
“I thought that if there are only monotonous colors, it wouldn’t catch anyone’s eye.”
What kind of person are you, who finds monotony unpleasant?
“But I was worried that if I made a change, it might not harmonize with the landscape of the mansion.”
What kind of person are you, who still values harmony so much?
‘My wife is…’
What kind of person was Tiria Portman once her appearance was stripped away?
A person who always maintained formalities, yet was surprisingly rough the moment she fell asleep.
A person who felt joy at small gifts.
A person who was afraid of the railroad.
A person who became strict when teaching.
And, a person who had foolishly waited ten years for a husband who had left.
“Head of the family?”
“I’m listening.”
Come to think of it, all of these are traits that don’t seem to match her outward appearance.
And yet, it doesn’t feel like a discordance at all.
Should this be called an illusion?
“The color of the flowers—that is an important concern.”
Elric looked at the flowerbed.
“What do you think would be good, Head of the family?”
“I would like flowers that blend yellow and green.”
“Why is that?”
Because they seem like colors that resemble you.
Because they would announce that the owner of the flowerbed is you.
But it was too embarrassing to say that.
“Isn’t it refreshing? Like spring. Sometimes it looks like autumn, too.”
When he answered, Tiria’s gaze turned back to the dirt path.
She pondered for a long time before nodding her head.
“Then yellow flowers with prominent green leaves would be good. It would look even better if we planted red flowers alongside them.”
“Why red flowers?”
“It’s a strong color, so won’t it draw attention to the flowerbed? Yet it will still be harmonious.”
She valued harmony, but she also appreciated intensity.
Elric realized this fact anew.
“I see.”
Frost settled upon Tiria’s eyelashes.
The frozen light made her shine mysteriously.
“How about we head inside soon? The weather is cold.”
“Yes, let’s stop here for today.”
Tiria stood up and naturally reached for his hand.
They interlaced their fingers.
“I’m sorry. Making you stand out in the cold because of me.”
“It’s fine.”
It wasn’t a bad thing, since he had learned one more thing about her.
Elric stole a glance at Tiria.
He wanted to know.
What kind of person she was, and what she was thinking right now.
If he were to go blind like in that novel, would he know then?
Would the illusion finally be stripped away?
The crunching sound of stepping on snow echoed.
Her hand felt exceptionally warm.
The Wife Waited in the Wheat Field (Serial)