Chapter 36
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'Is this similar to how Ludville desperately searched for me, even when he couldn't remember me, when my existence itself was erased?'
Odelia buried her face in his chest, as if to hide her flushed cheeks.
And she whispered even lower.
"I don't know what to do with you."
Until the end...
Should I pretend not to know until the end?
Yes, I should.
He possessed such a strong body, and his natural lifespan was over a hundred years.
But how, of all things, did he get entangled with someone like me, reliving thousands of deaths?
Odelia was the only one who could break that terrible cycle.
I had to pretend not to know thoroughly.
Who he was waiting for.
Why he felt déjà vu when he saw her.
I had to play dumb, as I had been doing, and provide him with another reason to live.
'That's what I decided.'
Just because he held me for a moment, I shouldn't let my heart weaken.
How could I pretend to be unable to resist and drag him into the afterlife?
I've done that enough times, thousands of times.
Now, I really have to let him go.
She slowly released the strength in her arms that were wrapped around his back.
"...Princess!"
Just in time, the Subjugation Force soldiers who had been chasing Odelia were running towards them.
"Oh my goodness, what on earth is going on!"
"His Highness lost consciousness and fell towards me."
And Odelia instantly erased her emotions and informed them of the situation with a blank face.
* * *
He barely managed to lift his heavy eyelids.
The faint pattern on the ceiling was slowly coming into focus.
The familiar ceiling filled his vision.
'...Is this my room?'
A room where light faintly shone.
The morning sunlight that seeped through the thick curtains was wetting the edge of the bed.
Ludville slowly inhaled.
Even though his lungs were full of air, strangely, somewhere around his chest felt empty.
He felt like he had lost the world.
Even though he hadn't lost anything.
"......"
And that was an indescribably unpleasant sensation.
He groped meaninglessly around his chest.
Had someone cut out his heart while he was asleep?
Such an absurd thought flashed through his mind.
But, of course, he was still alive.
Familiar ceiling, familiar fatigue, familiar pain.
Everything was the same as usual, but today it felt strangely unfamiliar.
It felt like he had been holding onto something tightly... but now there was nothing left in his hand.
Ludville looked down at his palm and slowly clenched and unclenched his fist.
I thought I barely managed to hold on.
Like grains of sand slipping through my fingers, I realized again that I was holding onto an illusion...
The sensation of a pulse beating on his skin, that was the only reality.
'...There was something.'
Joy and fulfillment.
An intense sense of relief, as if something had clicked into place.
For a moment, there was definitely a sensation like fireworks exploding above his head.
But his head was as blank as a sheet of paper.
What was so fulfilling?
What was he holding onto and didn't want to let go of?
Everything was gone, and all that remained was a maddening longing.
Ludville closed his eyes and touched his forehead, reaching out to grope the bedside table as a habit.
It was to find the silver case containing Cigarette.
Because he thought that if he smoked that and forced himself to sleep, he might be able to dream that sweet dream again.
Because he wanted to hold onto even a fleeting illusion.
But before that, someone grabbed his wrist.
"Your Highness."
It was Odelia.
"......"
Ludville stared up at her with a dazed expression for a moment, then looked down at his captured hand.
Small, soft hand.
A white and beautiful hand that seemed to have never experienced hardship...
He unconsciously stroked the back of her hand with his thumb.
"......What are you doing?"
"It is the Princess who has taken a man's hand without permission."
"Isn't it because Your Highness was groping around the bedside table like an addict as soon as you opened your eyes?"
Odelia retorted, as if she was dumbfounded.
"An addict... So you grabbed me to stop me?"
"If so."
"Then, will the Princess be the substitute?"
"What is that..."
Odelia couldn't maintain her composure for a moment.
Because Ludville was bringing his face closer and closer, as if he was going to kiss the back of her hand.
She was startled as if burned and quickly pulled her hand away.
"You must not be fully awake yet. Get a grip."
Ludville's gaze suddenly turned to Odelia's ear.
The white and neat curve was faintly flushed like shy petals.
...Look at this.
Ludville's pupils, which had been as black as burnt ashes, sparkled as if he had discovered something interesting.
He raised the corners of his lips slyly, as if he had found prey.
"Ahem."
It was then.
The doctor, who had been quietly keeping his place from the beginning, cleared his throat and broke the tension.
"Your Highness, Cigarette are prohibited for the time being."
Ludville's expression, who was staring intently at her ear and wondering how to cook it, instantly soured.
"Ha, who are you to arbitrarily prohibit my preferences?"
"I am a doctor, Your Highness."
The other party retorted firmly.
It was an tone that he would not back down any further.
To work as a doctor under the Grand Duke, who treated his body like a consumable, you had to have this much guts.
"Do you think I'll listen to such words?"
But Ludville was not easy to deal with either.
The smile on his lips instantly turned into a sneer. A sharp aura was embedded in the crookedly raised smile.
It was at that moment that the doctor unknowingly took a step back.
"Article 5 of the contract. Report any illness or injury immediately."
What is she doing...
Ludville's dumbfounded gaze turned to Odelia.
Odelia continued in a calm tone.
"Article 7. Weapons other than medicine should be stored in designated places and not used without prior approval."
Odelia's cold gaze fell on Ludville's face.
"If you are going to sign a contract with me, these are the things you have to keep."
"I haven't signed a contract yet."
But even as he said that, Ludville's gaze returned to the doctor.
"...You said for the time being, right? Let's just do that for now."
The doctor let out a short breath.
Looking at him, who had no awareness as a patient, let alone cooperation, he let out a sigh filled with professional fatigue.
If the Princess hadn't helped...
The doctor opened his mouth, hoping that Odelia would stay by the Grand Duke's side for a long time.
"Your Highness, do you remember what happened before you fainted?"
Ludville instantly returned to a nonchalant face and answered casually.
"I was subjugating Monsters. I remember killing them all."
"...Your Highness was in an extremely exposed state to the Demonic Energy of the Monsters at the time. According to the Princess, you were in a state of progressing to the stage just before Demonization."
