Chapter 63
<63> Governess Miss Sheldon (2)
Although she had already abandoned the Pendleton name, it wasn't her business, but she had friends who genuinely worried about her.
She took out paper from her trunk and began to write letters to her friends, informing them briefly enough not to worry about her situation.
She wrote to about ten close friends. As she was sealing the letters, Ian Dalton's name floated into her mind. However, she skipped him, thinking that she would send a letter to Mr. Fairfax as well, so he would naturally find out.
She went out again and mailed the letters at the post office.
On the way back, the sun was already setting. The shops were starting to close. Laura walked along the road, mixed in with the crowds pouring out of the train station and the pedestrians returning home after work.
Many people passed by her: shabby middle-aged men with mustaches, women carrying children on their backs, and occasionally carriages passing by.
She was now mixed in with the ordinary people she had only ever seen from inside a luxury carriage. It was a strange and unfamiliar feeling, like plunging into a painting she had always admired from beyond a frame.
Unfamiliar and lonely, but with a strangely uplifting and fresh feeling.
By the time she returned to the inn, the dining room was bustling with people again. She went straight to the dining room, as she was starving from skipping lunch. She ate a plate of bland fish and a salad, then quietly went up to her room.
The room was already dim. She struck a match and lit the candle, which was only as long as her finger. The room became a little brighter. She spent the rest of her time filing the receipts she had received from the bank and organizing the trunk, which had become cluttered from taking things out.
The sound of footsteps in the hallway gradually faded. Night had come.
She sat quietly at her desk. Only an inch of candle remained. She stared at the candle and reflected on the day. Waking up in a strange inn room, wandering around London, and eating meals that tasted a little strange.
Most of the situations had gone in a worse direction than expected: the meager salaries of governess jobs, the jewels sold for less than half of their original price, and the streets of London she had walked until her calves ached to save on transportation costs.
It would be a lie to say that she hadn't felt intimidated in an environment where she was isolated without knowing anyone. There were many moments when she felt afraid and nervous. Mental disappointment and physical fatigue exhausted her.
But sitting in front of the candle, her mind was extremely at ease. Why? She had been anxious, disappointed, and tired all day, but it was strange that she didn't feel gloomy at all.
She pondered this fact carefully and soon realized that she hadn't forced a smile once all day. She didn't deliberately show kindness to anyone, nor did she care about how others saw her. She had simply lived her day diligently to survive.
It was comfortable. It felt like she could breathe. Like she had loosened a corset that had been tightened around her waist all day.
It became even clearer that the name Pendleton had been constricting her. Sheldon's life, not Pendleton's, was poor and harsh, but it lacked the pain that Pendleton's luxurious life had given her.
If the absence of pain was happiness, then she could say she was happy now.
How long would this freedom last? She thought about the life she would live as a governess: a life of employment without freedom, the employer's interference in the children's education, and the hours she would have to be bound to labor.
But there would be no parental labels that had tormented her, nor the obligations of being a Pendleton. She could demand minimal respect from her employers. If they didn't respect her, she could leave at any time. She was free.
Freedom. Miss Pendleton repeated the word. The word no longer evoked nostalgia for a long-lost time. She was in the midst of freedom now. She was free. Completely free.
And this freedom was different from that of her childhood. It was not something that could be taken away by circumstances or by others. She could protect it and manage it. She was an adult and could work as much as she wanted. She could live as she pleased.
Less than an inch of candle remained. She took out the Bible from her trunk and placed it on the desk. Then she put her hands together on it and prayed.
'I hope that Grandmother, who has gone to heaven, has already met Mother safely in heaven, and I thank you for being able to get through today without any major problems. Please grant me a good job within my means as soon as possible. Finally…….’
"Thank you for allowing me freedom. Amen."
* * *
For several days, Miss Pendleton visited a few more governess employment agencies. But she didn't get better results than Westerway. Governess positions were all much the same: they wanted a lot but paid poorly.
On the fourth day of her job search, she left another employment agency disappointed and went out into the street.
She walked slowly through the streets of London to return to the inn, passing through streets lined with fruit and vegetable shops and bakeries, and bustling main streets. The busy and chaotic streets of London.
She had become quite accustomed to traveling to her lodgings without a carriage, covered in dust, in just a few days. It wasn't such a bad feeling.
'Ah, if only a suitable job would appear, I would enjoy my new life more happily.'
But as she approached the inn, Laura spotted a familiar gentleman's figure in front of the inn. Her steps stopped abruptly. Her heart seemed to sink.
Jet-black hair. A lithe and slender figure. A sharply defined ivory profile.
The gentleman's face turned towards her. Ian Dalton. It was him.
As soon as he spotted Laura, he strode over and stood right in front of her.
"Miss Pendleton."
Laura reflexively curtsied formally.
"What brings you here, Mr. Dalton?"
He was silent, as if he had lost his words. His eyes scanned her plain, brimless hat, her rough leather bag, and her shoes, which were covered in dust from walking a long way. His jaw tightened as if he were gritting his teeth.
"What on earth is going on?"
Laura couldn't find the words to say. It would take three or four days to tell him everything that had happened.
"……You saw Mr. Fairfax's letter, didn't you? It's as it says there. I couldn't live with my uncle, so I left. I'm staying here and looking for a governess position. But how did you find me? I didn't write my address in the letter…….”
"I saw you while passing by in a carriage."
Laura nodded. She was surprised to meet him in this situation and not very happy about it. He was, after all, a friend she had made when she was in society. She was embarrassed to show him her current state without any preparation.
She was no longer a Lady. She was a commoner looking for a job. This fact didn't change her feelings for him, but she didn't know how he would feel.
She looked carefully at Mr. Dalton's face. He was looking at her with an unreadable expression. There was a complex mix of emotions, as if he was angry and sad. It was hard to guess, but there was no disgust, which she had feared.
She was relieved inside. She knew he wasn't that kind of person, but she would have been hurt if he had shown discomfort towards her, who had fallen in status, regardless of the fact that she was satisfied with her current life.
The expression on his face was, if anything, like sadness. Was he pitying her? Had she become the object of his pity? If so, he was wasting his good heart.
"Miss Pendleton, come with me."
He reached out his hand to Miss Pendleton.
"William has a guest room in his house where you can stay. The servants will bring out your luggage. Come up to the carriage with me."
Laura realized for sure that she had become the object of his pity. Laura smiled bitterly.
"Mr. Dalton, I'm not going."
"Why?"
"Because I'm not Laura Pendleton anymore. I'm not qualified to be a guest of someone like Mr. Fairfax."
"Qualified? You're William's best friend. And to me too……!"
"I'll always be your friend. But I have to get used to my new status now. A guest of someone like Mr. Fairfax? That's ridiculous."
She glanced over Ian's shoulder at her second-rate inn, her residence.
"I'm doing my best to get used to my new life. So, please don't drag me back into the life of Miss Pendleton. If I go back to the life of Miss Pendleton, I won't be able to bear it. I'm finally…….”
Laura swallowed the rest of her words. She didn't think she could convince him that she was now enjoying the freedom she had dreamed of.
He stared at Miss Pendleton. At her shabby clothes. She was in a state of shocking ruin. She was not the Miss Pendleton he knew. She was no different from a shop clerk or a maid.
But, strangely, her expression was much brighter. Her face, which was always close to pale, had color and looked healthy. It was completely different from the past, when she looked like she was about to collapse at any moment. And, although he couldn't understand it, she looked much more comfortable.
He withdrew the hand he had extended to her. Then he opened his mouth with a somewhat businesslike expression.
"Miss Pendleton, do you remember the job I offered you last time?"
He must be referring to the position of governess for his nephews, which he had brought up at her last Ball a few days ago.
"Yes."
"Are you still considering it?"
"I was so distracted that I had completely forgotten about it."
"Then please take it seriously from now on. I think you would be an excellent teacher for my nephews in many ways."
Laura fell into thought. Until now, she had thought about asking her social friends for a job. But she had put that off as a last resort.
She was reluctant to burden her friends, and she could well anticipate the various inconveniences that would arise when a person of lowered status entered the house of a friend from before the fall as an employee.
The friend would have to swallow even the instructions that he could naturally give as an employer regarding his children's education for the sake of friendship, and she would have to serve as a master a friend who had once fixed each other's skirts in society. It was a situation that was bound to create awkwardness.
"Five hours a day. Basic Latin and Greek. Arithmetic and history. Just focus on these. You are free to use the rest of your time. We also offer one day off per week, in addition to Sundays."
"Wait a minute, Mr. Dalton. I…….”
"That way, 150 pounds a year. How about it?"
Laura stared at him blankly for a moment. 150 pounds? Per year?
