Chapter 127
#<Episode 127>
“I’m sorry to hear that. Mrs. Lance must be very upset. Miss Lance is her precious daughter.”
“She’s bedridden with a fit of nerves. My father has gone on a trip to Italy to escape my mother’s hysterics. He’ll probably bring back a load of interesting sculptures and paintings when he returns. Which will only worsen my mother’s condition.”
Miss Lance spoke calmly, as if making a joke.
Mr. Fairfax was surprised. This situation must feel like a bolt from the blue for Miss Lance, yet she was nonchalantly cracking jokes.
‘She’s pretending to be okay.’
From what he had observed, Miss Lance wasn’t particularly strong-willed, nor was she insensitive to the opinions of others. She must be heartbroken inside, yet she was acting as usual out of pride.
‘How difficult it must be.’
He wanted to say, ‘You don’t have to pretend. You can express your pain as much as you want.’
But he swallowed the words. Such kindness could be freely offered between friends of the same gender, but it would be overstepping the line between a gentleman and a lady.
Hiding his true feelings, he asked gently, “Even if you’ve stopped having tea parties, you must still be meeting with your friends, right? How are Miss Wilkes, Donovan, and Miss Orson doing?”
“They’re all very busy. You know Victoria Wilkes is engaged to George Orson, don’t you? They’re so busy preparing for the engagement party that they don’t have time to visit me.”
“Oh, dear. Miss Lance’s excellent aesthetic sense would be a great help in preparing for the engagement.”
Miss Lance smiled ambiguously.
“My friends seem to feel that associating with me does more harm than good. Or rather, their mothers seem to think so. My friends send letters saying they miss me. But they always add that their mothers won’t allow them to meet.”
“……Why…….”
“Mothers with daughters fear their daughters keeping company with a friend whose reputation has been tarnished as much as they fear making friends with the devil.”
A servant wheeled in a tea cart. It held strongly brewed black tea, lemon cake, and madeleines.
Miss Lance offered him refreshments. He tasted the desserts and praised the chef’s skill. But it was merely a mechanical act for the sake of etiquette. He felt a tightness in his chest, saddened by the fact that Miss Lance didn’t even have friends to comfort her in her sorrow.
He took a few sips of his tea and then set it down on the table.
“If it’s not too much to ask, would Miss Lance consider teaching my sister the harp?”
Miss Lance, who had been sipping her tea, looked at him with a puzzled expression.
“She’s been learning the harp lately, but her skills aren’t improving. I think it would be a great help to her if she could visit here two or three times a week to admire Miss Lance’s playing and receive a few words of advice.”
“Well, it’s possible, but… would Janet want that?”
“You know she adores you.”
“Still?”
“Of course.”
Miss Lance lowered her eyes and thought for a moment before speaking.
“Do you really think it would be helpful to Janet?”
“What?”
“Would associating with someone like me be helpful to Janet?”
Mr. Fairfax widened his eyes in surprise.
“Janet is a socialite who needs to find a gentleman to marry. If she continues to associate with a lady whose value has diminished like mine, her own value will inevitably decrease. Mr. Fairfax cares deeply for his sister. If so, he should stop her from trying to befriend me, just like my friends’ mothers.”
“That’s wrong. I don’t want to speak disrespectfully of noble ladies, but I think it’s a cruel act to prevent daughters from visiting a friend in trouble simply based on rumors.”
“It’s also a smart act.”
Miss Lance smiled faintly.
“Besides, I don’t exactly welcome my friends’ visits. In their letters, they always pity me and criticize Pendleton. If they visit, they’ll be even worse than what they write in their letters. I don’t want to hear slander about Pendleton. I don’t want to be pitied either.”
Miss Lance seemed to think for a moment before putting down her teacup.
“You know everything. Where Mr. Dalton’s heart lies, what delusions I had, and how devastated I was the day I learned the truth. Mr. Fairfax is the only person to whom I can reveal my true feelings right now. So, I’d like to put aside the subtle boundaries of a gentleman-lady relationship and be honest. Will you allow it?”
Mr. Fairfax nodded. Miss Lance expressed her gratitude and slowly walked to the window. She gazed out at the desolate autumn scenery and began to speak.
“After returning home from Whitefield, I cried terribly for days. I didn’t eat, and I barely slept. It would have been quite romantic if it was because of the sorrow of losing love, but in reality, it was because I was so anxious about the future. I’m not a stupid woman. The rumors have already spread far and wide, so it was clear as day what would happen. I’ll be labeled as damaged goods. And after that label falls off, I’ll be an old maid.”
She continued in a low voice.
“I thought I was madly in love with Mr. Dalton. Although I never seriously imagined it, I thought I would die if I lost him. Like a discarded heroine in an opera. But after realizing that he didn’t love me, my feelings for him vanished completely. And all that was left was self-loathing.”
Mr. Fairfax stood up from his seat and stood beside Miss Lance.
“Don’t blame yourself. Not all of the situation is your fault. I, Ian, your friends, and many others influenced this situation.”
“But the biggest cause lies with me. When my mother and friends recklessly speculated about Mr. Dalton’s feelings, I was swept away by it. And when my friends spread rumors as they pleased, I didn’t stop them. I placed excessive value on my pretty face and thought I deserved the love of a great man like Mr. Dalton. Vanity blinded me and made my judgment go haywire. In the end, all the fault lies with me. With me, who couldn’t keep my center.”
Mr. Fairfax was at a loss for words. He had never seen a lady confess her vanity so honestly. Women were inherently beings who refined their inner thoughts several times before expressing them. It was only natural. Honesty came with a price, and women tended to pay that price more harshly.
He found Miss Lance’s honesty courageous.
“Looking back on the past, I realized how arrogant and immature I was. I was swayed by the sweet talk around me and deluded myself into thinking that a man who had no interest in me was in love with me.”
“I should have noticed it sooner. If I had given you the right advice, you would have……”
“Mr. Fairfax, don’t try to excuse me. It only makes me feel more ashamed. I had already heard the realistic advice that you would have given me. But I misunderstood it and brushed it off as I pleased.”
“Who gave you that advice?”
“Miss Pendleton.”
Mr. Fairfax stared at Miss Lance in surprise.
“She pointed out to me that I was deluding myself and that I could face difficult times because of that delusion. But I ignored her. Perhaps if I had taken Miss Pendleton’s words seriously back then, my reputation wouldn’t be as ruined as it is now.”
“……Miss Pendleton must have sensed Ian’s feelings to some extent.”
“I suppose so. During the spring picnic, Miss Pendleton hurriedly returned home, avoiding Mr. Dalton. Thinking about it now, I think she was trying to avoid Mr. Dalton’s advances. I speculated the opposite, though.”
“Ian intended to propose to Miss Pendleton at that time, but Miss Pendleton returned home before that. After that, Ian didn’t reveal his feelings at all, so Miss Pendleton probably didn’t know exactly where Ian’s heart was headed.”
Mr. Fairfax added, fearing that Miss Lance might misunderstand. Miss Lance smiled.
“Don’t worry. I don’t think Miss Pendleton knew everything and stood by and watched me go wrong. She went to so much trouble for me.”
Miss Lance frowned and sighed.
“I should open the window. Would that be alright, Mr. Fairfax?”
Instead of answering, he opened the window himself. Cool autumn air rushed into the drawing room, which had become stuffy with the hot air from the fireplace.
Miss Lance closed her eyes and breathed in the refreshing air. Miss Lance’s glossy light brown hair was ruffled by the wind.
“Is Miss Pendleton still at Dunville Park?”
“No. She’s gone to Bath for a short break. She’s living there with Miss Hyde and the travel writer Mary Rotis in their lodgings. I heard she’s having a good time with her friends and has been introduced to a more promising job.”
“That’s good. I hope she’s doing well. I truly do.”
A complex emotion filled Miss Lance’s light blue eyes.
“The most shameful thing when I think about the past is that I subtly looked down on Pendleton. I thought of her as someone I should bestow favors upon. I was swept away by the trends and judged her solely based on her lineage. But now that I’m in a position where everyone is turning their backs on me, I realize how amazing Pendleton is. She lived in contempt in society, but she never lost her dignity. She was always selfless and kind. There is no lady as wonderful as her.”
Mr. Fairfax quietly gazed at Miss Lance. Miss Lance was speaking humbly and without any ulterior motives about Pendleton, the rival who had stolen her love.
‘Was I wrong?’
He had only regarded Miss Lance as a naive lady who still needed to grow. But the Miss Lance before him was more mature than anyone he had ever seen. Her attitude of readily admitting her mistakes and learning from them was a mindset that even he, at thirty, found difficult to adopt.
For the first time, he felt respect for Miss Lance.
Meanwhile, Miss Lance felt her heart grow warmer with the presence of Mr. Fairfax standing beside her. He had visited her in a situation where everyone was turning their backs on her, and he had listened to all her endless rambling.
‘Mr. Fairfax is a true gentleman who can’t be exchanged for ten millionaires with a Duke title.’
Miss Lance looked at him with a warmer gaze than usual.
