Translator: Nox

Chapter 123

#<Episode 123>

"Why... do you ask?"

Miss Rotis lowered her eyes without answering and fell into thought. Her gaze was so cold that Laura's heart froze with fear.

Soon, Miss Rotis opened her mouth.

"Shall I... kill him for you?"

"Pardon?"

"I'm a travel writer. I only communicate with publishers by mail and spend most of my time abroad. If you want, I'll kill that man and leave England to live elsewhere. How about it?"

Laura felt the blood run cold in her veins.

"Men resort to violence recklessly when their pride is hurt. If you don't accept his feelings, that man will surely try to kill you, saying things like he seduced you first and now you're changing your mind, or that he feels betrayed. Just like that inhuman wretch who used to serenade me, swearing he'd give his life for me, and ended up shooting a bullet into my leg."

Laura's hands went numb and her vision blurred. Miss Rotis was a sharpshooter and a woman of action. If she found Mr. Dalton hovering around her, she would surely pull out her gun.

"Oh, no, Mr. Dalton isn't like that..."

"If he wasn't, why would he follow you all the way to Bath? Now, tell me where he lives. I'll take him out with a pistol shot right away..."

Laura couldn't take it anymore. She jumped up and shouted.

"No! Don't kill Mr. Dalton!"

Laura's voice echoed loudly in the room. Miss Rotis looked at Laura, who was suddenly shouting, with a surprised expression.

Laura gripped the hem of her skirt tightly with both hands, her eyes filled with tears, and shouted urgently.

"He's not like that! He would hurt himself before he would attack me!"

Tears streamed down Laura's cheeks. Laura couldn't continue speaking and covered her face with both hands. Sobs escaped her due to her agitated emotions.

"Alright, I won't kill him. Don't cry."

Miss Rotis consoled her in a slightly dumbfounded voice.

After a while, as her tears subsided, Laura felt a little embarrassed. It was truly rare in her life to reveal such intense emotions to someone.

Laura wiped her wet face and cautiously glanced at Miss Rotis. Miss Rotis was looking at Laura with her arms crossed. Her face was full of a mischievous smile.

"It seems we have a reckless young lady in this space who has fallen in love with a dangerous gentleman?"

Laura's face turned bright red.

"You should have said so earlier. If I had known you were playing a game of love tag, I wouldn't have brought up such gruesome stories in the first place."

"A game of love tag? It's nothing like that."

"What do you mean it's not? Are you teasing the gentleman? Or are you testing how great and deep his love for you is? Either way, it doesn't matter. If it's something that a man and woman who are in tune with each other are doing, then it's just a game of love, not a crime."

It was a difficult situation. It was fortunate that the misunderstanding about Mr. Dalton had been resolved, but another misunderstanding had arisen that she was intentionally teasing him.

'I need to correct the misunderstanding before Miss Hyde arrives.'

Laura opened her mouth with a serious face.

"Miss Rotis, I will not marry him."

"Oh, just sleep with him? That's not bad either."

Laura's face turned red.

"I, I'm not sleeping with him either! What are you saying, Miss Rotis!"

"Goodness, then what else do men and women do when they meet?"

Miss Rotis teased Laura with a playful smile.

Laura composed her flustered feelings and began to speak seriously again. About the differences between Mr. Dalton and herself. About her view of marriage based on her sense of reality.

However, as Laura's story continued, Miss Rotis's expression gradually became indifferent.

"So the point is, that man is the head of a prestigious family, and you can't marry him because your circumstances don't match his?"

Laura nodded.

"What a stuffy thing to say."

"Pardon?"

"What does it matter in a marriage whether one person has money or not? It would be a problem if both of you had nothing, but if one has a lot, they can share it with the other. And why should how your parents got together be a restriction on you?"

"Miss Rotis, you've been away from England for too long, so you may not know. British society places great importance on lineage."

"I lived in England until I was 18, so I know very well that this country is a damn conservative place. But that man doesn't have any prejudice about lineage, does he? He knows about your parents' situation too, right?"

"Yes. But, if we actually get married, it will be a big constraint on him, and he will end up having a hard time because of me."

"That's his problem to bear. No pain, no gain. That's the rule of the world."

"I can't bear to see the person I love suffer because of me. Even more so if his love for me fades because he can't bear the suffering..."

Miss Rotis nodded, saying "Aha."

"In the end, you're afraid of the pain you'll receive if his love fades because of reality?"

Laura opened her mouth to deny it. But even when she tried to speak, no voice came out.

'...Yes. It's true to some extent. The fact that he might regret it after the marriage because of my circumstances. That's a very scary thing.'

Laura closed her mouth and soon had a slightly gloomy face.

Miss Rotis clicked her tongue.

"I thought you were a brave person, but you're a coward after all. A young lady who knows a lot but doesn't know love."

Miss Rotis said, tidying up Miss Hyde's clothes next to her.

"You don't know how great a miracle it is for two people to be of one mind, do you? Only wise love isn't real love. Foolish love, reckless love is also love."

"I don't intend to object to Miss Rotis's opinion. Love views can vary from person to person. But, in reality, reckless marriages that ignore all conditions cause a lot of unhappiness."

"You don't have to live that way, do you?"

"I'm an ordinary person. I don't have the power to go against reality."

"Listen, Miss Pendleton. We read many humanities books at Grant Girls' School, enhancing our reason and honing our logic. But you can't live every moment of your life rationally. You shouldn't."

Laura, who could be called a believer in reason, was slightly taken aback.

"Reason is the best compass in our lives. It prevents us from becoming unhappy by being swept away by momentary desires and childish emotions. Humans who only have emotions are bound to become weak. They will only live their lives at the mercy of fate, swept away like a tidal wave."

"But Miss Pendleton, humans don't exist to be unhappy. Humans exist to be happy. Do you think a human with only reason can be happy?"

"We will be able to find the path to happiness through reason."

"Happiness is an emotion. Humans feel happiness through emotions. Just as you can't feel how sweet an apple is without a tongue, you can't feel the happiness of life without emotions. If humans live only by reason, their lives will be nothing more than a dry and boring answer key."

"......"

"He will probably be happy just by having you by his side. Love is the most beautiful miracle that humans can experience. Even if difficulties arise after marriage, you have the ability to make him happy."

"How can you be sure that I have that ability?"

"You don't need certainty. Emotion is neither law nor science. All you need for love is courage. Believe it. Believe that you will be happy with that person no matter what happens. Even if it feels reckless, believe it. People who don't have the courage to be reckless don't deserve to love."

Laura couldn't say anything.

Miss Rotis's words were the complete opposite of her beliefs. It was a statement that directly denied the way of life that Laura had pondered over for a lifetime, concluded, and firmly internalized.

Laura, who would normally have caressed her mother's pendant to regain her reason, no longer found Dolores Pendleton's portrait around her neck to be a warning about emotions. This was probably because she had come to not deny the love of her mother and father through the recent events.

For some reason, Laura wanted to believe her words. That the beliefs she had held onto until now were actually just foolish stubbornness. That Miss Rotis was telling her the right answer.

So, it was okay to love Ian Dalton.

Ian flickered in front of her eyes again. Black eyes shining within delicate eyes. Elegant facial lines and a warm smile.

'I want to see him.'

Laura felt tears welling up in her eyes and quickly blinked.

At that moment, Miss Rotis got up from the sofa, leaning on her cane.

"Ah, I want to see her. When is Jane coming?"

Laura could feel the same longing in Miss Rotis's voice as she felt in her own.

Miss Rotis went to the window and began to look outside.

Laura stared blankly at Miss Rotis's back. And with courage, she brought up a question that she had wanted to ask countless times but had held back.

"Why don't you take courage, Miss Rotis?"

Miss Rotis looked around outside and replied.

"What do you mean?"

"...My guess may be wrong, and if so, it may be really rude... but I know Miss Hyde's feelings for Miss Rotis. It's definitely not friendship."

Silence filled the room for a moment.

After a while, Miss Rotis slowly turned her body and stared at Laura head-on.

"When did you notice?"

"Not even a week after staying here."

Miss Rotis chuckled.

"Was it that obvious?"

"You're a person who avoids physical contact. If a man's body touches you, you swing your cane to chase him away, and even if it's a woman, you don't allow more than a handshake. But you don't restrict Miss Hyde from linking arms, hugging, or rubbing her cheek against your shoulder. You even... seemed to like it a little."

Miss Rotis made an embarrassed expression for the first time.

"Did I?"

"Yes."

"Oh dear. I didn't intend to let you know, I should have been more careful."

Laura shook her head, recalling Miss Rotis's cute face blushing whenever she touched Miss Hyde.

"It's okay, Miss Rotis. I don't have any prejudice about that issue."

"Why? You go to church every week and pray every day, you're a devout Christian."

"You're right. I am a Christian who considers the Bible to be the most important guideline in my life. But at the same time, I am also a disciple of Headmistress Grant. I was taught not only classical literature but also natural science books by her. Many scientists have observed nature, and they have found cases like Miss Rotis in most species. If that's the truth, then that's also God's will. Therefore, Miss Rotis is also one of God's plans."

"I should thank Headmistress Grant's education once again. To have my tendencies recognized by a conservative Anglican in England."

Miss Rotis smiled faintly and leaned against the window frame.