Chapter 38
“I am truly grateful you agreed to see me. I’ll admit, I was plagued by the worry that I had been far too pushy with Miss Humble—I even feared you might decline my invitation entirely.”
Evan paused for a beat, offering a brilliant smile that seemed to brighten the very air around them.
“It is a relief. To be honest, I was prepared to wait here until the shop’s closing hour if necessary.”
He quirked the corner of his mouth in a playful, teasing manner, yet Jacqueline saw past the jest. She knew he wasn’t exaggerating. He really would have sat there until the doors were locked just for a chance to speak with her.
His transparent, earnest devotion felt particularly heavy today, likely because she knew she could not offer the same in return.
As Jacqueline sat there, burdened by the weight of her own conflicted heart and Evan’s expectations, Evan himself looked as though he might float away on a cloud of joy.
She let out a quiet breath and lifted her chin.
“The reason I decided to come today is—”
She was interrupted as a waiter arrived, placing steaming cups of coffee and plates of muffins and cookies before them. Jacqueline offered a small, polite nod, waiting until the server had retreated before attempting to speak again.
“Mr. Knox, the reason I am here is—”
“Let’s enjoy the coffee first. I understand the proprietor studied their craft in the Northe Kingdom, and their brew is exceptional. I truly hope it’s to your liking, Miss Somerset.”
Evan lifted his cup to his lips. Though his features relaxed in apparent satisfaction, he couldn’t quite mask his underlying trepidation. Jacqueline noticed the subtle tremor in his gaze, the slight drop in his voice, and the stiffness of his fingers.
He clearly expected a rejection to follow. The easy, charming smile he usually wore now seemed strained and brittle.
Jacqueline, who had been watching his expression closely, suddenly asked, “Why me?”
Evan lowered his cup, his brow arching in surprise. Jacqueline hadn’t touched her drink; she simply met his eyes with a steady, searching look.
As their gazes locked, Evan instinctively smiled. In that fleeting second, Jacqueline was struck by how fundamentally different he was from Windsor Preston. Windsor had never once graced her with a smile.
Apparently, such warmth was not the Preston way.
She tried to picture Windsor smiling, but the image wouldn’t form. It required a feat of imagination akin to visualizing a legendary beast from a fairy tale. In the end, she gave up. She suspected that seeing Windsor smile would be as shocking as the first time she had seen young Benjamin beam with joy.
Shaking off the distraction, she brought her focus back to the man sitting across from her. Her voice was level and composed.
“As you are well aware, Mr. Knox, dissolved engagements are a common occurrence in our circles. There are countless women more accomplished and prestigious than I whom you could court without any difficulty. So, why persist with me? We’ve only met a handful of times outside of our formal arrangement. Or perhaps…”
She trailed off, her gaze sharpening.
“Are you merely using me as a way to distance yourself from the Earl of Knox?”
Evan’s eyes widened, genuine shock registering on his face at the accusation. Almost instantly, that shock melted into a look of profound hurt. A melancholic smile touched his lips; it was evident he had never considered such a cold motivation.
Jacqueline bit her lip. She had harbored a suspicion that she was nothing more than a tool for his rebellion against his father, but his crushed expression suggested otherwise. He looked like a child who had been unfairly scolded.
“If I’ve misread the situation, then I apologize, Mr. Knox. My words were uncalled for.”
“It’s quite all right.”
Evan recovered quickly, his refreshing smile returning. He was far too much of a gentleman to let a lady dwell on an apology. He watched her with a gaze full of affection, letting out a soft, almost wistful sigh.
“It seems you don’t recall, Miss Somerset.”
“Recall… what?”
Jacqueline frowned slightly, wrapping her hands around her warm cup as she searched her memory. The heat of the coffee seeped into her skin while Evan’s eyes took on a dreamy, distant quality.
“The first time we shared a dance.”
“I remember it,” she replied with a nod, her own mind drifting back to that evening.
It had been the gala held to announce their betrothal. On that night, having only just met, they had stepped onto the floor under the scrutiny of the entire elite. Her father had informed her of the arrangement a year into her time at boarding school, never once asking for her opinion. It was a cold, transactional reality she shared with many girls of her station.
Naturally, she had been curious about the man she was to marry. she had spent weeks questioning schoolmates for any scrap of information about him. Despite her preparations, she had been a bundle of nerves on the night of the ball, surrounded by the excited twittering of her maids.
Her first impression of Evan—who then stood on the threshold of adulthood—was that he was every bit as polite and soft-spoken as the rumors suggested.
“We were both so clumsy,” she recalled. “It was my first time dancing with anyone other than my father. I was terrified I’d step on your toes in front of everyone.”
“I remember. You told me exactly that at the time.”
Evan’s expression softened, the memory clearly precious to him. Jacqueline looked at him, bewildered.
“I did?”
It occurred to her then that people often remembered their first encounters with her far more vividly than she did—much like Samantha’s detailed recollection of their meeting. Memory was a fickle, subjective thing; a moment that changed one person’s life might be a mere footnote to another. In that regard, her own first meeting with Lord Preston remained burned into her mind.
Evan looked momentarily crestfallen that she didn’t share the vividness of the memory, but he quickly masked it with kindness.
“I found it admirable—that you had the courage to be so honest about your nerves.”
“…Is that how I seemed?”
Jacqueline looked down, feeling a flush of embarrassment. Evan, however, did not look away. He moistened his lips as if his throat had gone dry, his voice dropping an octave.
“That night—”
Jacqueline looked up. As their eyes met, her breath hitched.
“I fell in love with you the moment I saw you, Miss Somerset.”
Shock rippled through her. For a long interval, she could do nothing but stare at him, her mind blank. She had never suspected that he viewed their engagement as anything more than a social duty.
A faint, stunned sound escaped her. Evan, suddenly shy, took a quick sip of his coffee before continuing.
“You seemed to radiate such light when you spoke to me.”
“Mr. Knox, I…”
She tried to interject, but he held up a hand, letting out a self-deprecating chuckle.
“Admitting one’s feelings requires more bravery than I anticipated. Perhaps that is why you seemed so brilliant to me that day.”
A light pink hue colored his cheeks. Jacqueline remained silent, the weight of his unrequited affection pressing down on her like a physical burden. Just as the guilt began to overwhelm her, Evan spoke with a newfound resolve.
“I know things are difficult for you right now. Please, let me assist you—”
“No, Mr. Knox.”
Jacqueline shook her head firmly, her dazed state vanishing. She met his gaze with absolute clarity.
“I am grateful for the offer, truly. But I must handle my own life. I’ve spent so long relying on others that I’ve realized I barely know how to stand on my own. I want to try—even if I stumble.”
Rather than being offended by her rejection, Evan laughed, his eyes shining with an even deeper warmth.
“I had a feeling you would say that.”
A brief, heavy silence fell between them. Jacqueline looked awkward, but Evan’s expression remained as bright and clear as a summer morning.
“I don’t want to pressure you, Miss Somerset. I have no wish to make my feelings a burden to you. I simply intend to be honest from now on. My hope is that, in time, we might choose an engagement of our own accord, rather than one dictated by our fathers.”
“Mr. Knox.”
She could find no words beyond his name. His sincerity was so pure it was difficult to rebuff. For a moment, her heart stirred—a refreshing breeze in the midst of her turmoil.
She knew how seductive such unconditional support could be. The urge to simply lean on him, to accept the comfort he offered, was strong. Life with Evan would be easy. He would be a devoted husband, providing a stable, peaceful home far removed from her current struggles.
“I will move at your pace,” he promised. “Please, do not worry.”
Jacqueline studied him as if seeing a stranger. She had always perceived him as somewhat weak—a man who lived in his father’s shadow. That had been her assessment at their engagement party and in every meeting since. The Earl was a man of fierce temper, and Evan had always seemed to bow before it.
Yet the man before her now possessed a quiet, iron strength. She blinked, wondering if three years had truly changed him this much. Or perhaps, just as she had been forged anew by her own trials, Evan had undergone a transformation of his own.
Evan seemed to remember something, turning back to her with a renewed focus. Jacqueline waited, still processing her thoughts.
“I believe I mentioned I’ve opened a publishing house?”
“Yes, I recall you saying so.”
Though the shift in conversation was abrupt, Jacqueline followed his lead. Without realizing it, she was beginning to be drawn into his orbit.
“I’m developing a new project,” Evan said, his eyes locking onto hers. “And after seeing you at the ball this season, I realized you would be the perfect fit for it.”
