-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: Vine
Chapter: 39
Chapter Title: Hold Me
-----------------------------------------------------------------
How hideous, truly hideous…
I shuddered and picked up one of the items in the warehouse.
It was a thin, small piece of fabric with several leather straps dangling from it, and I couldn’t for the life of me tell if it was something you wear or a net used for fishing.
I looped one of the leather straps around my finger and looked at Eric.
“What in the world is this thing used for…?”
“Don’t ask. Put it away.”
Eric said firmly.
His ears, half-hidden by his hair, were beet red. He looked as though one more tease would send him to a corner to kneel and pray.
Thanks to that, his lips, which had been going on and on about Helena, were now tightly sealed.
I felt proud… no, just a little amazed at how quickly I was adapting to Eric.
When Eric saw me twirling the unidentifiable object—be it a net, clothing, or a blindfold—on my finger with a look of interest, he fled as if it were a deadly weapon and sat on the sofa.
“Hah…”
He sighed and muttered.
“Should we just leave?”
“Huh? We can leave?”
Then why have we just been sitting here?
I put the net back in the closet. But its slippery material caused it to slide off the shelf and fall to the floor.
As I bent down to pick it up.
Seeing the leather straps on that net triggered a strange thought.
‘Damn wench!’
Like an old memory…
Just then, Eric spoke.
“I’ll have to try… I checked earlier, and the door seems to be made of a mithril alloy. First, we need a weapon. This is a bit problematic to call a weapon, but…”
Eric walked toward me as he spoke. He then picked up one of the ‘tools’ from the closet.
“Well… shouldn’t this work somehow?”
Work for what?
I lifted my head. I saw Eric holding a whip with a cluster of leather strips at its end.
Damn it. I cleared my throat without thinking and stepped back.
“…Wh-what are you going to do with that?”
I asked, my throat feeling dry.
“That looks less like a weapon and more like a… ‘tool’…”
“I know. I have no idea why she would possess such a thing, but…”
Hearing Eric’s words, I flinched.
Eric muttered.
“Shall I give it a try?”
*Whoosh!*
*Crack!*
With a flick of his wrist, the whip shot out and raked sharply across the table next to the bed like a claw. The table splintered, and a shard flew toward Eric.
It was a display of incredible power.
‘…?’
No, setting aside his strength, how was that even possible? In any case, it’s good that he’s strong, but…
I swallowed hard.
“I think it might work? Though it’s unpleasant to imbue such a hideous object with…”
“…Imbue it with what?”
I asked, staring blankly at the table. To be honest, I had only half-heard what Eric said.
Eric stopped talking, looked at me, and frowned.
“Why have you been scratching your neck like that?”
I huddled into myself and muttered.
“Because it’s suffocating…?”
It’s suffocating.
A dark, enclosed space. And that horrible cracking sound I just heard.
It’s so suffocating it’s killing me.
…Killing me.
Just then, Eric’s large hand reached for me.
I screamed.
“Don’t come near me!”
But that was it. After saying that, I collapsed onto the floor.
Instead of Eric’s voice, the sound of the waves I used to hear every day from the Bluebeard Merchant Guild’s building on the cliff filled my ears.
*Crash!*
*Crash!*
*Crash!*
Every time the waves shattered white against the rocks, I would think: what would happen if I were swept away?
The merchant guild was surrounded by cliffs and waves.
‘Do you think you can survive without me?’
The merchant lord’s words echoed back amidst the sound of the waves.
He was right. Even if the merchant lord let me go, the world outside the guild held the waves, and things far more terrifying than them, in wait.
*Crash!*
*Crash!*
*Crash!*
So I endured, and endured again.
The pain I felt every time I heard that dreadful sound.
The feeling of plunging to the bottom of that sea.
You might think I was a fool…
No, call me a fool. I don’t care.
I was a coward. At times like these, all I could do was curl up as small as possible, as if I wanted to disappear from the world.
“…Imeline! Imeline… Orleans!”
Eric’s voice sounded as if it were coming from a distant place.
Why? He’s right here, so why?
But I had no room to worry about such things.
Of course not.
All my focus was on just trying to breathe.
‘Please, save me! Save me! It wasn’t me, I swear it wasn’t!’
Philip’s voice.
‘Let’s get out of here, Imeline!’
Helena’s voice.
‘What… what do you want me to do?’
And a voice I couldn’t identify at all.
Again.
Damn it.
The past was trying to swallow me again.
Why only me…?
Why am I the only one like this? Everyone else lives their lives just fine, no matter what happens, so why am I the only one…
Why do I still feel trapped in the past?
I’m a coward.
I pretend to admit it so confidently, but honestly, I’m tired of living as one.
Ah, I need to breathe…
I forgot again.
Breathing is such a pain.
My mind was growing hazy.
“Imeline!”
Suddenly, my muffled ears cleared, and someone’s voice struck my eardrums with force.
I opened my eyes.
The first thing I saw was Eric’s red eyes. Reflected in them, I saw my own pale, terrified face.
Only then did I realize.
The reason his voice had sounded so distant was that I had been covering my ears.
Eric took my hands from my ears and said with a shocked expression.
“…Imeline!”
“…Ugh…”
I knew I had to answer, but I couldn’t.
I needed to breathe, but I couldn’t. I just gasped, staring at the hands he held.
‘It’s… warm…’
The warmth from Eric’s hands was the only thing grounding me. For some reason, he was holding my hands tightly, his face filled with anxiety.
“Damn it…! Damn it!”
I heard him curse.
Wow, Young Lord Eric is swearing.
They say you can record people’s voices these days. I wanted to record his curses.
I have to tease him about it later…
With that thought, I slowly returned to reality.
I gazed at his hands. His warmth had kept me here, preventing me from falling back into the past.
Eric was stopping the voices and the world of the past from consuming the voices and the world of the present.
‘I… I… killed Dad!’
‘No, Imeline. He’s not dead. Look. He’s breathing! We have to go now. We have to run!’
But the comfort his warmth provided was fleeting.
My face twisted into a terrible grimace.
Eric said.
“Should I get you some water?”
I shook my head, tears welling in my eyes.
*Crash!*
*Crash!*
*Crash!*
I still couldn’t breathe properly.
As I continued to gasp, Eric let go of my hands with a worried look. He then moved to pick up the whip. I was startled and grabbed his arm.
“…Hic…”
As I clung to his arm, Eric spoke in a loud, reassuring voice.
“I will open the door. So stay here. Understand? Hmm?”
Despite his warm voice, I shook my head.
No. Don’t go. Don’t you go.
Eric’s eyes wavered.
“Don’t go? Then what… What should I do? What do you want me to do? Tell me.”
Did I say that out loud?
I thought I had just stayed quiet… How did he hear me?
Surprised, I looked up at Eric.
The only person before me. The only person who could hold me here.
Tears streamed down my face without my realizing it as I said.
“Ho… hold…”
“…?”
“…Ho…”
“What… what do you want me to do?”
“Hold me…”
My vision blurred.
The moment the words left my lips and reached my ears, a wave of dizzying regret washed over me.
Who… who did I just say that to? It would have been better to die from not being able to breathe, you crazy fool…!
Just then.
Something solid enveloped my shoulders and face.
At the same time, I felt a large hand stroking my back, so gently it was as if I might break. I could feel a slight tremor in that hand, a mix of hesitation and uncertainty.
Eric’s voice whispered in my ear.
“It’s okay.”
Okay? What is?
I shook my head.
He actually held me just because I asked. This strange man… And what does he mean, it’s okay…
I felt the trembling in my body slowly subside.
And my breathing returned to normal, without me even having to think about it.
Then, I felt my body being lifted into the air.
I squeezed my eyes shut. It didn’t make much difference whether my eyes were open or closed in my blurry vision. Closing them actually made my whole body feel more at ease.
But…
But I’m still not okay. And the fact that I’m not okay is the most not-okay thing of all. That I’m the only one who is still, and always, not okay…
It feels like there’s something wrong with my very existence.
Maybe I’m a problem child, born with something broken inside. Is that why I can’t shake off a single memory like that?
Yes, maybe I was flawed from the moment I was born…
Just then.
*CRASH!*
A sound like a clap of thunder struck my ears.
“Y-Young Lord…!”
“D-did you just break down a door made of mithril alloy?”
“Y-your hand…!”
Amidst the murmuring voices, fresh air filled my lungs.
But at the same time, my head spun. I had a feeling I was about to lose consciousness again.
The last voice I heard before I passed out was this one.
“Summon a physician. And convey my apologies to Her Highness the Princess for breaking the royal door. Tell her I will gladly accept even imprisonment.”
‘Ah… this stuffy young master… Apologizing even in a situation like this…’
That was my last thought.
Because after that, I fainted.
