Chapter 37
I thought I would end up rolling on the dirt floor several times, but even as time passed, the expected pain didn’t come.
Lottie gently opened her eyes, which she had squeezed tightly shut.
A firm arm was wrapped tightly around her waist.
Lottie gasped and looked up at the owner of the arm holding her.
“……!”
Another firework exploded.
Her ears felt muffled. It didn’t seem to be just because of the noise from the fireworks.
There was a man smiling at her, his hat pulled down low.
“Are you alright, My Lady?”
It was the man she thought would no longer be here.
“H-how……. How are you here…….”
Calyx was about to answer when the crowd surged violently once again.
Amidst the shouts from everywhere telling people not to push, Lottie alone remained steady.
It was because there was someone holding her firmly so she wouldn’t fall.
“This location doesn’t seem ideal for answering your many questions, My Lady,” Calyx said.
His tone was playful, as usual. Behind such expressions and tones, something unexpected always tended to happen.
As if to confirm that premonition, Calyx smiled meaningfully.
“I’m thinking of kidnapping you now; tell me if you don’t want me to.”
“What? What does that mean…….”
“Three. Two. One.”
As the mysterious countdown ended, the crowd surged from behind the onlookers.
Taking advantage of the chaos, Calyx swept Lottie up into his arms. It was so sudden she didn’t even have time to scream.
As her feet left the ground, Lottie instinctively clung to Calyx’s neck.
“W-what are you doing! Put me down!”
She twisted her body this way and that, but Calyx was as unyielding as a rock.
“I’m sorry. This was the only way to say my final goodbye.”
A final goodbye. Lottie realized immediately what that word meant.
As her struggling body went still, Calyx gave a low laugh.
Once more, fireworks exploded. The boisterous noise grew louder.
The bold yet meticulous villain slipped away from the scene as if mocking the onlookers who were distracted by the fireworks.
The place they arrived at was not far from where they started, but it was secluded, surrounded by thickets and brush.
Calyx carefully set Lottie down.
“This looks like a place that would suit a mystery novel. Dark and…… gloomy.”
Lottie, slowly looking around, wrinkled her nose at Calyx.
“Can I make it back safely? Me?”
“What are you worried about? My life depends on you, My Lady.”
He said it like a joke, but there was weight behind Calyx’s words.
He truly is a dangerous and strange person.
Thinking that, Lottie stared blankly at Calyx. She tried to maintain a composed expression, but her complexion gradually clouded over.
“How…… did this happen? You shouldn’t be here.”
“I asked the Royal Family for their understanding. When I told them there was something I absolutely had to do before leaving, His Majesty was generous enough to understand.”
Calyx, who had been answering nonchalantly, fell silent when he saw Lottie looking at him.
He realized she had instantly seen through his lie.
It was expected. Instead of spinning another lie, Calyx gave a faint smile.
Twelve years since he was stripped of the royal surname.
He had done more things than one could imagine to keep his life from being snuffed out at any moment.
Countless forged identities were just one of them. Infiltration was something he did as naturally as breathing, so even in the capital of the kingdom where he had been banished, his skills were no exception.
“Something you absolutely had to do,” Lottie said blankly, echoing his words.
“You mean…… the final goodbye.”
Lottie’s face slowly crumpled. As if no matter how she thought about it, that couldn’t possibly be a reason to sneak back into a place that was essentially the jaws of death.
Without confirming or denying, Calyx only smiled quietly.
“My cowardice caused you a great wound, My Lady.”
Calyx spoke slowly.
He pronounced every single word clearly. As if wanting her to know that even if everything else had been a lie, these words at least were sincere.
“I tried to use you for my own purposes. I deceived you with the word ‘proposal,’ and in the end, I pushed you and your loved ones into suffering.”
The calm statement came to a close.
She thought that was the end of it, but it wasn’t.
Cracks slowly began to appear on Calyx’s serene face. It began to distort as if he were swallowing something hot.
“Because I was the one who hurt you and pushed you away when you were in the most pain and hardship, I don’t dare offer any worry or comfort now. I know that even asking for forgiveness could be a source of pain for you. So…… simply, I am sorry.”
He was saying he was sorry.
The arrogant and confident man was repenting for his mistakes and offering a sincere apology.
He was measuring the other person’s pain and suffering as if it were his own.
“There is much I want to say, but I’m afraid it will sound like an excuse. I only hope that my heart of apology can reach you purely. It would be greedy of me to hope that your wounds heal even a little because of it, but…….”
“…….”
“……I haven’t apologized many times before, so I’m clumsy at all of this. I am sorry for that as well.”
After speaking so brazenly, he was now cautiously checking her reaction.
Lottie, who had been shocked by his sincere apology, was surprised to find herself chuckling before she knew it.
She should be angry at the man who admitted to using her, yet she was laughing. It was strange.
‘No.’
In the first place, there was no way she could be angry.
Because she had already come to understand the man named Calix Valdea.
“Don’t apologize. I…… understand. If I were in your position, Your Highness, I would have done the same.”
The eyes watching Lottie wavered slightly. Even though he had predicted and imagined today countless times, he hadn’t expected an answer like this.
Lottie smiled faintly. She hoped that what she was about to say wouldn’t sound like childish bravado or some kind of revenge.
“Actually, I think it’s a relief that you used me, Your Highness.”
“What…… do you mean?”
Calyx’s brow furrowed as if demanding an explanation.
Whether she knew his confused inner thoughts or not, Lottie’s voice was high and clear.
“Aren’t you trying to uncover and stop the conspiracy that Crown Prince Padrick and the Redbreeze royal family are plotting? I am the same. Since our goals are the same, I have no reason to feel unpleasant about being used by you.”
“…….”
“Furthermore, if I play a decisive role in your work, you won’t be able to betray me easily, will you? Since you absolutely need me.”
‘Purpose,’ ‘betrayal’—these were words far too cold to be a response following a sincere apology.
Calyx froze without even being able to blink. He knew it was his turn to answer, but he didn’t have the slightest clue what on earth he should say.
Lottie was equally flustered.
She had been certain she had lightened the other person’s emotional burden with precise expressions, but she felt something was wrong from Calyx’s expression, which looked as if he couldn’t believe his ears.
“What I mean is, I don’t mean that you will definitely betray me…….”
“No, no. It’s not that issue…….”
Calyx, who was stroking his chin and replaying the words he had just heard, burst into a hollow laugh.
“Your words sound exactly like…… it doesn’t matter at all whether I use you for my own safety or not.”
“That’s what I mean! Exactly. Since you and I are in a friendly relationship with a common goal, it means we can give and receive help as much as we want for each other’s sake…….”
For some reason, the more she explained, the more Calyx’s expression hardened.
What exactly had she said to offend this man? As Lottie retraced her steps, she suddenly realized the problem didn’t lie there.
To a man who said he was sorry for using her, she had said he could use her as much as he liked.
‘It’s like I completely ignored his sincerity.’
“I apologize. I think…… my explanation was lacking.”
How did a twenty-year-old girl who believed in people and believed in love become a hedgehog who worried about being betrayed first?
She didn’t have to think very long. She was the one who had finally decided to acknowledge and accept the memories of the past ten years.
‘The problem is.’
Whether it was okay to bring up this story, which she had told no one, to this man.
‘Will he believe me?’
Would it even be meaningful to lay bare old wounds before this man in the first place?
“There is someone…… I loved.”
She hadn’t even reached a decision yet, but her mouth began to move first.
It was too late to take it back. Even though it was just one sentence, her heart pounded wildly. Her throat felt tight.
“It was my first love. I loved him helplessly, like a newly hatched chick recognizes its mother, and I was cruelly betrayed by that love.”
She tried to speak as calmly as possible, but it wasn’t easy. It was a story she had never brought up to anyone.
Every syllable felt rough, as if she were pronouncing a newly learned language. She put strength into her eyes.
“There were plenty of opportunities to stop. It was a relationship that would have ended if only I let go, but because I couldn’t do that simple thing, I plunged myself and my beloved family into suffering. I couldn’t stop thinking it was because of me. I know it’s a foolish thought, I know, but…… I couldn’t stop.”
