Chapter 37
Chapter 37. Would you please wait?
At the word ‘confession,’ Yunseo’s body reflexively shifted into the listening mode of a counselor.
Yunseo pulled over a chair and sat diagonally from Lee Hyang at the desk where Lee Hyang was seated, neither too close nor too far.
Not sitting directly opposite was to give the client the freedom to look around and gather their thoughts and feelings, while also allowing the counselor to read the client’s body language, beyond their words, more holistically and objectively.
Sitting like this, Yunseo suddenly felt as if she had returned from the Crown Prince’s lover mode, into which she had been drawn by Lee Hyang, who had just passionately cried out about his wounded affection, to the human Gwon Yunseo, the psychological counselor Gwon Yunseo.
Then, a thought struck her: she wanted to show Lee Hyang what kind of professional she had been.
“Your Highness, I have learned about 15th-century Joseon and your life through historical texts and my own direct experience over the past month or so, but you have no clues to imagine my life six hundred years from now. So, I will show you the work I used to do as a counselor.”
“Ah! That’s a wonderful idea.”
Lee Hyang, who liked Yunseo’s bold vitality and cherished her in his heart, yet often found himself unable to imagine how to treat her, readily agreed.
Yunseo closed her eyes and slowly took seven deep breaths, composing herself as a counselor. It was a ritual she always performed when meeting a client.
Then, she opened her eyes, placed her hands neatly on her knees, and looked at Lee Hyang.
Lee Hyang’s lips moved as if to say something, but he could not easily speak.
For Lee Hyang, whose gaze deepened and lips trembled, Yunseo broke the silence first.
“Your Highness, as you were born into a noble status destined to become king from a young age, you must have had very few people with whom you could comfortably share your inner thoughts. When, and what kind of problem was the most frustrating for you?”
Lee Hyang gazed at Yunseo for a moment, then spoke quickly, as if to get a difficult confession over with.
“It is not that I distanced myself from women due to a lack of desire. I acted as if I had no interest in women because any woman I took would not measure up to the wives of Suyang or my other accomplished brothers. I only realized this after seeing you, Yunseo.”
“…Ah, all of Your Highness’s consorts met unfortunate fates.”
Yunseo thought of Lee Hyang’s first wife, who had been deposed for practicing sorcery to win his love, and his second wife, who had been deposed for homosexuality, as recorded in history.
“The families of the queens had suffered calamities repeatedly in the previous generations, so I knew intellectually that my brothers could actively pursue marriages, but my own family could not give me daughters. Yet, when it came to my consorts, they were so inadequate that no desire arose within me.”
Once he began to speak, Lee Hyang met Yunseo’s gaze and calmly, steadily, began to unfold the inner thoughts he could never share with anyone.
“As Crown Prince, I studied the words of the sages and the art of kingship, with three tutors each day from dawn till night. The pressure to be reborn as a wise ruler through learning and self-cultivation, and the constant pressure of potentially being ousted as Crown Prince, were immense.”
“Ah, both King Taejong and His Majesty the King replaced their predecessors to become Crown Prince. You had many outstanding brothers, so it must have been even more so for you.”
“…Yes, yet for nineteen years since becoming Crown Prince, I failed twice in marriage and could not have a son. Then, Suyang was implicitly treated as the Crown Uncle.”
Lee Hyang explained how Suyang Grand Prince’s wife, who was exceedingly wealthy and knew how to express her desires elegantly, was a stark contrast to the inept Crown Princess, winning the favor of His Majesty the King and the Queen. This led the Queen to allow Suyang Grand Prince’s wife to give birth to Prince Dowon within the palace, despite the strict custom that princes’ wives could not give birth within the palace.
Furthermore, because His Majesty the King himself personally named the child Hyundong and doted on him as if he were his grandson, Suyang Grand Prince was treated as Crown Uncle and Prince Dowon as a grandson until Hongwi was born.
“Given these circumstances, even though our Hongwi, born as a noble grandson, was implicitly ignored by Suyang’s palace servants, no one stepped forward to defend him. Those who remembered the changes in the Crown Prince in the previous generation and the one before that naturally thought that if something happened to me, Suyang would inherit the throne, and if something happened to our Hongwi, Prince Dowon would inherit it.”
This was an intimate royal secret Yunseo had never heard before.
She could vividly feel the weight of the solitude that the naturally noble Lee Hyang must have endured alone, watching his brother’s family implicitly threaten his own position and his son’s future, seeing them receive the utmost care and affection from His Majesty the King and the Queen, and watching his young son grow up intimidated without anyone to protect him.
“Ah, Your Majesty must have had a very difficult time. Everyone must have treated you with apprehension, and you must have constantly been on guard, wondering if they were trying to gain an advantage through you. No matter how much I imagine it, I cannot fathom the weight of the life you had to bear alone.”
At Yunseo’s words of empathy and comfort, Lee Hyang pursed his lips into a straight line.
He seemed surprised at himself for speaking these inner thoughts aloud, yet also felt great solace in being able to receive such empathy.
“It is often said that power cannot be shared even between father and son. Moreover, His Majesty the King is chosen as the greatest wise ruler in historical texts, so the years you lived as Crown Prince and son, with such a person as your king and father, could never have been easy.”
“…Yes! I could not relax for a moment, fearing I might tarnish my Father’s reputation even slightly, or fall short of my Father’s standards.”
Lee Hyang exclaimed as if sighing at Yunseo’s words, covering his face with both hands.
The weight of his life seemed to crash down on him all at once, overwhelming him.
After breathing heavily for a while, Lee Hyang finally lowered his hands and looked at Yunseo.
Then, abandoning the slow, reluctant tone he had used until now, he confessed passionately.
“Then you appeared. You, who had nothing, a mere palace lady from a humble family, stepped forward to risk your life for Hongwi in front of His Majesty the King and the Queen. How could I, as a father, not cherish you?”
“Your Highness……”
“That is why I acted as I did. Without the leisure to consider how you might feel, in my haste to embrace a woman for the first time, I…”
Lee Hyang remained silent for a long time, looking at Yunseo.
The monarch, angered by his love being misunderstood, hesitated to say words he had never spoken before, then blurted them out as if tossing them away.
“By your world’s standards, I was rude.”
Rude.
The apology, “I was rude,” coming from the lips of someone who constantly used the word ‘insolent,’ someone even the young Hongwi, who was so doted upon, would often say ‘insolent,’ shattered Yunseo’s stance as a counselor, who was supposed to listen warmly while maintaining precise emotional distance.
“Haa.”
Yunseo let her legs go slack and squeezed her eyes shut.
It was an effort to stop the very thoughts that were arising, as too many emotions swirled within her at once.
“……”
“……”
The countless moments of humiliation, fear, and contradiction she had experienced since her soul fell to Joseon flashed through her mind.
In this Joseon, where one could issue a royal order to kill if one’s son was harmed, and simultaneously command one to risk one’s life to protect the grandson, and yet also command one not to leave one’s son’s nights lonely, all without feeling any contradiction.
In this royal palace, where one was presented to a man after being dressed up without even being asked.
In this place where even the Queen advised that the monarch is a being to be angered, so one must diligently observe their will and obey first to survive.
Overwhelmed by an extreme excess of emotions, unsure whether to rejoice, feel relieved, or be grateful for the first sincere apology she had ever received, Yunseo struggled to take deep breaths with her eyes closed.
As she inhaled and exhaled deeply, sobs gradually mixed into her breath.
Besides the warmth of her small body, the arms that wrapped around her neck, and Hongwi gripping the hem of her clothes until his fingertips turned white, which allowed her to maintain a shred of dignity and persevere through terrifying, fearful, and humiliating moments,
And besides Park Sanggung, who, while hitting her on the back with her coarse wit, showed solidarity like a parent and child,
Yunseo opened her eyes and looked at Lee Hyang.
“Then, will you wait for me?”
“……?”
“Until the day I can comfortably hold you in my heart, just as you hold me dearly in yours, can you wait for me?”
Will you become a being that makes me feel that living here is worthwhile?
“Will you wait until the day I can fully love you, and willingly accept not only protecting our Hongwi but also helping you build a better Joseon as my own?”
“Haa!”
The Crown Prince of 15th-century Joseon looked at the woman from the future, who quietly asked for patience while swallowing her bursting sobs.
He had never expected her to respond to his difficult apology with a request for patience.
Because he hadn’t expected it, Lee Hyang was at a loss whether to be displeased, angry, pity her, or love her more.
“Do not make me wait too long.”
Seeing a woman who, even after deciding not to return to her entire world and stay, and after learning the harshness of the palace, still boldly and pathetically demanded a sliver of her beliefs, with a certain amount of emotion,
Lee Hyang, being a warm monarch, finally decided to be magnanimous.
\\\\
“Grandmother, you just need to put a dot here.”
Three days later, in the Queen’s Palace, Hongwi was giving instructions, pointing at the characters the Queen was writing, looking impatient.
“The ‘gong’ in ‘palace’ is ‘gu’ and ‘eo’ combined with the final consonant ‘l’. So, a dot here, one dot, Grandmother.”
The Queen, who was learning Hangeul from Yunseo, was being diligently taught by Hongwi, who had mastered Hangeul in just two days while learning alongside her.
“Oh my, what will I do if Grandma keeps forgetting? How did our Hongwi learn so quickly?”
“Diligently, with concentration.”
Hongwi boasted, lifting his chin.
The Queen hugged Hongwi, who was unbearably cute, and kissed his cheek. Yunseo also chuckled and playfully tapped Hongwi’s bottom.
It was then.
“Your Majesty, Prince Dowon and Lady Myeongnyegung have arrived.”
Chief Consort Choi’s voice was heard from outside.
Suyang Grand Prince’s son and wife had arrived!
Yunseo quickly swept away the papers lying on the floor.
