Chapter 27
Episode 27. The Inequality of Relationships and a Handful of Dignity
The nights in 15th-century Hanyang were so dark that if you were to cut a piece with a knife, it felt as if you could grasp a lump of pitch-black tar in your hand.
Yunseo, in the north side room attached to the Seoondol of Jaseon Hall, was calmly organizing her thoughts, occasionally looking up at the perfect darkness through a small window and writing characters with a fine brush.
In modern times, Yunseo would always go for a long run one day on the weekend, then take a long shower in lukewarm water. Not wearing her usual loose-fitting turtlenecks at home, but a custom-made Oxford shirt of high-quality cotton, and perfectly tailored straight-leg cotton pants with a belt, she would then sit at her desk and with a fountain pen on a smooth notebook, write down the thoughts she had felt over the week.
This ritual was like a prayer to wash away the darkness of the heart received from clients, for a counselor who sometimes had to listen to the incomprehensible, terrible violence humans inflicted upon each other.
And Yunseo, now in Joseon for the first time, was performing this third ritual, holding a brush instead of a fountain pen, having omitted the first two rituals due to circumstances.
Through a single paper door, our Hongwi was sleeping soundly, and Lee Hyang, who had stolen Yunseo's soul with a skillful kiss unlike their clumsy first one, was sleeping in the Heated Room across the main hall.
Because the Palace always showed subtle signs of having been searched whenever she left and returned, Yunseo had not dared to organize her thoughts in writing until now.
But today, she absolutely had to sort them out.
Half an hour ago.
Lee Hyang had kissed Yunseo for a long time on the main hall, which was completely exposed to the sight of the Palace Ladies who couldn't sleep and were peeking through the cracks in the paper doors from the side corridors.
It was a kiss that did not advance to any further level, and it was sweet enough to make one crave more, but it was also a kiss that triggered a warning light in a corner of Yunseo's mind, which habitually analyzed psychological patterns when something felt off.
To think about and sort out what that was, she returned to the room, her breath coming in short gasps, and lay down beside Hongwi.
And when she gently held the small hand of Hongwi, who had fallen asleep clutching the cloth given to him instead of an outfit tie as if it were a lifeline,
Maegeumi arrived.
Maegeumi, who entered as if she had suddenly popped out of the wall without a sound, said only one thing.
"Come out."
Since Maegeumi never spoke unless it was necessary, Yunseo sat up, checked on the deeply sleeping Hongwi, and followed Maegeumi out.
Park Sanggung was waiting in the courtyard shrouded in darkness.
"Jeon Gyun is dead. Let's offer a drink and send him off with some travel money for the afterlife."
At that moment, her legs went weak, and she was about to collapse, but Maegeumi held her up.
Seeing this, Park Sanggung whispered fiercely,
"Did you not know this would be the result when you asked His Majesty for punishment in front of him? If you hadn't pleaded like that that day, it would have been your funeral altar that I would be offering a drink to today. Remember this, Gwaya. It's best not to get entangled, but once you are caught in a power struggle, you must kill your opponent with all your might. You must kill them. Otherwise, an enraged opponent will try to kill you."
Then, pulling Yunseo's arm, she added,
"This Palace is such a dog-like place, which is why I liked the naive you. You would lose everything you received to your leech-like siblings and come to me like a beggar for food, yet you'd just smile and be happy about everything, so I liked your innocent and harmless nature. Because I thought you would forever be free from these fierce struggles I have to undertake."
Unlike her usual self, her words revealing her inner thoughts were long.
Although Park Sanggung had witnessed such events many times and had undoubtedly driven several people to their deaths with her own hands, she felt a flicker of pity for the tragic end of a political rival with whom she had vied for power for so long, along with a fear she usually suppressed—that she herself could be in the same position at any moment.
Park Sanggung dragged Yunseo to Eom Sangjeon's residence.
Unlike her usual habit of changing into comfortable clothes after work, Eom Sangjeon was dressed in the ceremonial robes worn for royal events.
Come to think of it, Park Sanggung was also wearing a formal attire with her hair styled.
"I didn't intend to call you, Gwaya, but Park Sanggung said that if I let you know tomorrow, it would cause you great emotional distress, so it's better to let you know today to give you time to prepare. You have to see His Majesty at Cheonsu Hall tomorrow, don't you?"
Eom Sangjeon, who usually spoke with half-hearted respect, treated Yunseo like an ordinary Palace Lady today.
"Light incense, offer a drink, and bow."
A simple memorial table was already set up to the north of the residence.
Approaching the table with a few fruits, yakgwa, two candles, and a paper inscribed with "Jeon Gyun Grand Audience Hall Eunuch's Spirit Tablet," Yunseo lit three sticks of agarwood, placed them in the censer, and offered a cup of wine poured by Eom Sangjeon, who was acting as the chief mourner, followed by two bows.
Eom Sangjeon and Park Sanggung's faces were solemn.
After the bows, Eom Sangjeon took Yunseo's hands in hers.
Eom Sangjeon, who never even placed a hand on Yunseo's shoulder when she needed to call her, held Yunseo's hands, looked her in the eyes, and said,
"Such is the fate of those who serve His Majesty and His Highness. His Highness the Crown Prince will deeply cherish you and eventually take you as a Consort, and he will cherish you dearly for life, but you must never forget that your fate is fundamentally no different from that of Jeon Gyun, who died here."
Only now did Yunseo clearly understand the source of the unease she had felt from Lee Hyang on the main hall.
It was the unease felt from someone with whom she could never fundamentally be equal.
In their relationship, Yunseo was always the chosen Cinderella, and thus, inevitably, a Cinderella who could be discarded at any moment—the fundamental inequality of their relationship.
This was why the warning light had flashed coldly in one part of her mind, contrary to the bodily desires that were awakening so ecstatically.
"Then why did you push me onto this path? Why did you, for me,"
"Did I, push, you?"
"...No."
No.
Eom Sangjeon, Park Sanggung, and Yunseo herself.
None of them had the power to push anyone into a relationship with royalty.
Knowing the true nature of such relationships, Eom Sangjeon and Park Sanggung had diligently observed the wishes of their superiors and acted in accordance with them, drawing their own people into the limited choices available to seek survival together.
"So, Gwaya. Offer the wine today and go back, and do not feel any guilt about Jeon Gyun. If you had not pleaded as you did, it would have been your name that we would be dressing up and offering a cup of wine to today."
Eom Sangjeon said the same thing as Park Sanggung.
The reason the two women had called Yunseo was to prepare her for the envious, fearful, admiring, and jealous gazes of the Palace Servants who would whisper that this Monster, having received His Highness's favor, had caused the Grand Audience Hall Eunuch Jeon Gyun to die.
It was also part of their power struggle, a way for them to avoid meeting a brutal end like Jeon Gyun, by using Yunseo as a shield in a Palace where they could kill someone they had used like a subordinate with a single word.
It was a struggle for fragments of power that could never be fully grasped, no matter how hard they toiled beneath the power held by His Majesty the King and His Highness the Crown Prince. A struggle where losing meant death.
Returning to Jaseon Hall alone in the dense darkness that pressed down like a heavy weight, Yunseo realized that the malice of the Concubines, which they spat out as naturally as breathing, was not solely due to their wicked nature, nor just because they lived like prisoners confined to a narrow space of a few dozen paces.
It was simply a survival strategy, a natural instinct for those living under the roof of the most powerful being on earth, a ruler with absolute power who could kill like that with a single word at any time.
[Today, I finally understood clearly why humans have fought and sacrificed their lives for Freedom and Equality for so long. In a life condition dependent on the goodwill of the powerful, humans cannot be fundamentally dignified.
No matter how deep the affection Lee Hyang shows me, and no matter how sincere it is from his perspective, it is fundamentally the same as a caretaker treating a pet cat.
He is in a position to choose me at any time, and even if I ultimately choose not to give him my heart, he is the Crown Prince who can take my body by force.
In modern and contemporary times, I could pack my bags and leave, saying I don't want to live like a doll, but this is the Middle Ages, with nowhere to run with my belongings.]
Having written this far, Yunseo put down her brush and looked up at the pitch-black night sky again.
Then she picked up her brush and wrote again.
[Is there truly nowhere to run?]
After putting down her brush, Yunseo crossed her arms and placed them on her shoulders, hugging herself tightly.
The act of hugging oneself tightly is to stimulate and awaken the body's senses, which are lost when reason is paralyzed by fear.
Those who have suffered abuse and fear for a long time often lack complete bodily sensation. As the habit of blocking out sensation to protect themselves from fear becomes prolonged, their ability to see, hear, and feel in daily life also degenerates.
And degenerated bodily senses lose the intuition to fully grasp the surrounding situation, leading to exposure to further danger.
[Life must be a life where one can choose not to run.]
Yunseo wrote again on the paper and turned her head to look at Hongwi, who was sleeping beyond the paper door.
Hongwi, who was sleeping while clutching the piece of cloth given to him instead of an outfit tie like a lifeline, was the great reason why Yunseo would ultimately choose not to run, even if she found a way to escape.
Finally, the threads of thought that seeped from the tip of her brush flowed into the Seoul International Marathon, running from Gwanghwamun to Jamsil.
The marathon course, which she had participated in twice, started at Jonggak in front of Gwanghwamun, passed through Dongdaemun, ran to Gunja Station, then back west to Seoul Forest, and then ran east again, crossing the Jamsil Bridge to reach the Jamsil Main Stadium.
In Yunseo's mind, the marathon course unfolded, a path that would likely be blocked by mountains and fields now.
If she decided to run, she would escape the Palace with Maegeumi's help and run non-stop to Jamsil Ferry. Then, running a bit upstream to a place where the river was narrow but the current fast, she would slowly advance, letting herself be carried by the water, and then climb onto the riverbank south of the Han River.
From there, she would run further south, south, south, to outrun any pursuers who might chase her.
And then, to find another life in a new, rough, and unfamiliar environment.
Painting a clear choice of life like a scene from a movie, Yunseo finally picked up her brush and wrote her final thought.
[If one can always escape, that alone makes life bearable, enjoyable.]
Yunseo painstakingly tore the written paper into tiny pieces, so small that no one could ever figure out what was written, no matter how much they searched. She put them into a silk pouch and hid it inside the top board of her writing desk.
Then she returned to her sleeping place and held Hongwi tightly.
Now, she had the courage to face King Sejong, maintaining her dignity to the very end.
"What was the reason you hugged and patted yourself the other day? Why did you do such a thing? And why, after that, did you become confident, as if you were a different person, and look me directly in the eye?"
This was King Sejong's first question, falling on her back as she bowed in greeting at Cheonsu Hall.
