Ch#69
2023.11.08.
He bound her with the ferocity of stealing even her every breath. Even as suffocating Blair pushed him away, he refused to yield, gripping the nape of her neck and persistently pursuing her.
It was a kiss driven solely by desire, devoid of consent or consideration.
Blair could finally breathe only after her mind grew hazy from lack of air, the moment Herdin's lips descended to her nape and sucked roughly.
Regaining her senses a beat late, Blair wriggled in his arms and pleaded,
"First, let me wash up...... I want to wash up."
Having gone out—and to the forest at that—her body felt sticky.
But Herdin ignored her words and yanked down the front of her dress. The gaze he fixed on her held an oddly chilling glint.
"Did you meet that man?"
A chilling voice emanated from his approaching lips. His touch on her was utterly rough.
Blair furrowed her brow and urgently grabbed his arm.
"Herdin, wait—"
But Herdin gave her no room to escape, cupping her cheek and forcing their eyes to meet.
"Answer me. I'm asking you."
As his gripped fingers tightened, Blair swallowed a groan and opened her mouth.
"......I know what you're worried about. But right now, there's no other alternative. I'll make sure nothing you're concerned about happens—"
Before Blair could finish, Herdin's hand rummaged through her dress. She gasped and fell silent.
Herdin searched her for any traces of Mihail. But there were none—only the faint scent of men's cologne lingering in her hair from earlier, now faded away.
He felt relief at that, then self-mockery. He was exasperated and irritated by his own behavior.
But what infuriated him more was...
The fact that confirming it changed nothing beyond a fleeting moment of relief.
This woman was still only thinking of escaping from him. The only difference was that her escape route wasn't that bastard.
That rage turned wholly toward the woman in his arms. Solely toward her, who thought only of fleeing from him.
"Shouldn't we uncover the truth of the incident first?"
"......"
"Nothing's resolved on this end, so why are you only thinking of running away?"
"I have no intention of doing that. I promised to keep the contract, with you......"
"......"
"You...... no, you know better than anyone. Practicing every night to overcome the pyrophobia."
Herdin's gaze chilled coldly as he looked into Blair's eyes, distorted as if on the verge of tears.
Yes, I know.
I know all too well.
That all of it is ultimately preparation to leave my side.
I'd momentarily forgotten that.
Dazzled by this innocent face.
"Who knows. Maybe you're scared now that you think your mother might have abandoned you, making you want to run away belatedly."
Both Herdin and Blair herself had tacitly suspected that Katrina might have used even her daughter's life.
But a possibility neither had dared voice aloud.
The moment that possibility took form from his lips, the icy words pierced Blair's heart like a dagger.
It struck deeply at the self-loathing that had tormented her for so long.
Blair's usually composed eyes began to waver violently.
Seeing it, Herdin twisted his lips. He didn't stop there.
"You thought it was better not to know than to be abandoned."
"......"
"Isn't that what you're good at?"
I wish that were the truth.
I wish you were utterly abandoned by that woman, hurt, and lost even the will to run.
"The divorce you want so badly—I won't grant it until the incident is resolved."
Herdin lifted her teary fingers to stroke Blair's cheek.
The overtly sensual gesture only served to shatter her more utterly in this moment.
"So until then, stop dreaming vain dreams and obey me."
Tears welled up in Blair's eyes as she looked at the coldly murmuring Herdin.
His appearance overlapped with the past.
In the end, you haven't changed.
And yet, I, who fell in love with you again.
My wounded self felt ridiculous and pathetic. The scars she'd momentarily forgotten stabbed sharply like thorns once more.
The tears pooling in Blair's eyes overflowed silently. Herdin felt an inexplicable pleasure from the sight.
It sounded mad, but at least in this moment, it gave him a strange elation, as if he had become a significant presence to her.
Her tears, her wounds—all wholly his.
Yet at the same time, the faint anxiety he always felt when looking at her overwhelmed him anew.
The anxiety that the woman before him, in his arms, might disappear.
It drove him mad.
Herdin leaned down and kissed her. Blair turned her head to avoid him, but his hand quickly seized her face, stopping her.
With their lips pressed together, he lifted Blair and overlapped their bodies.
"Ah......"
Blair didn't resist, but her freed lips avoided him.
Even now, her body heating with desire for him, her heart racing toward him, made her feel unbearably pathetic.
As their bodies began to shake violently soon after, Blair could no longer hold back and pulled him into an embrace.
Like hugging a porcupine, sharp thorns pierced her heart painfully, impossible to pull out.
* * *
The precarious flicker of the lighter steadied on the candle wick. Soon, the candle ignited, and the lighter's flame went out.
Lina, watching Blair light the candle, exclaimed in admiration.
"My goodness! Are you alright, Madam?"
"Yes, I'm fine."
Sweat beaded on Blair's forehead as if from intense exercise, her breathing rougher than usual, her hands trembling—but compared to her past panic attacks at the sight of fire, it was tremendous progress.
Lina, who had watched Blair more closely and for longer than anyone, was all the more proud of her.
"Wow, you're truly amazing. I don't know much about phobias, but honestly, this must be incredibly hard. Now you could even live alone."
Blair flinched at Lina's offhand remark, even though she couldn't know about the contract marriage.
Lina quickly extinguished the candle for Blair, still unable to look away from the flame, and added,
"Ah, of course, just saying. You can't go anywhere without me."
"Mm......"
"Well, where would the Duchess go alone anyway."
Blair responded to the beaming Lina not with clumsy lies, but with a smile.
A week after quarreling with Herdin, she no longer practiced overcoming her pyrophobia with him. Since that day, the practice had been solely her own burden.
That didn't mean he stopped visiting her bedroom.
At night, he came to her, joined bodies as usual—but that was it. No conversation passed between them.
Blair kept her mouth shut, unwilling to talk to him, and Herdin acted as if he had no interest or purpose beyond her body. At times, his persistence felt almost beastly.
Days passed with nights filled only with rough breaths and moans.
Herdin seemed to give up on the unresponsive Blair and stopped coming to her room.
Recalling their fight, he could have pressured her to recover her memories as he wished, but there was no sign of that either.
His behavior and the situation's flow eerily mirrored her previous life.
But one difference was that Blair had no intention of repeating her past inaction.
'What Herdin wants is the truth of the Empress Palace incident.'
So she planned to give him what he wanted and leave.
It was less for him and more because she didn't want to break her promise to herself not to run from the truth, no matter what.
And also for Esmeralda.
"Madam, Lady Lorellaine has arrived."
As Blair absentmindedly opened and closed the lighter lid repeatedly, lost in thought, a knock sounded followed by Melli's voice.
"Tell her to come in."
With permission granted, Lina left, and Agnes entered the room.
"Welcome, Agnes. It rained heavily last night; I hope the way here wasn't too rough."
"Fortunately, I took only well-maintained roads, so it was comfortable. Thank you for your concern."
As always, Agnes greeted Blair with a gentle smile. Then, spotting the lighter in Blair's hand, her eyes widened.
"Isn't that a lighter?"
"Yes. I was practicing lighting candles."
"Your practice with His Grace must be effective. To adapt so quickly—who knew? Indeed, a husband is more reliable than anyone else, isn't he?"
Blair smiled in response to Agnes's words instead of answering. It was an ambiguous reply, but Agnes seemed not to notice its implication.
"By the way, why did you summon me to the bedroom instead of the greenhouse today? Are you feeling unwell...?"
"No, it's not that."
Before stating her true purpose, Blair paused briefly, then opened her mouth as if resolved.
"I want to try hypnosis."
As expected, Agnes reacted unenthusiastically.
"Has His Grace agreed to this as well?"
"No, but...... I don't think we have time to wait any longer."
"No time to wait?"
"If my mother was truly involved in that incident, she won't just sit idly by. The truth might be buried forever like this."
Blair chose to provoke Agnes by concealing her full intentions and revealing only part of her reasoning, without a perfect lie.
Targeting her loyalty as Herdin's subordinate and to Delmark itself.
