17 - I Healed the Male Lead's Trauma
Episode 17
4. A Junior Needs Guidance from a Senior (2)
'Could it be that his taking a leave of absence is also...'
Having watched his only twin sibling go mad from stress and die, the aftereffects would be considerable.
At the same time, I felt like I knew what Kashiel feared.
Kashiel was afraid of himself ending up on the battlefield like Claire after graduation.
'I also understand why Claire's Guide couldn't do anything for her and died with her.'
A Guide's Guiding is closer to restoring an unstable body to its original state by drawing external magic power into their heart and operating it.
While accepting external magic power, a Transcendent Being's body is in a state of constant shock due to the magic power.
Naturally, the aftermath of this shock also affects the mind, and as fatigue and pain accumulate, a mere human body reaches its limit.
'Guiding controls this shock caused by magic power and stabilizes the Transcendent Being's condition.'
In other words, the Guide can solve problems caused by magic power.
'But that wasn't the case with Claire. Since she was overwhelmed by such stress even when she wasn't using magic power, her Guide couldn't do anything about it.'
A mental illness that Guiding couldn't fix.
'But Kashiel must have needed some hope to cling to. That target naturally became Claire's Guide...'
But since her Guide couldn't stabilize Claire's condition, he must have criticized them, asking what use a Guide was.
That would have caused his trust in Guides to plummet.
'Moreover, Claire's Guide would have been a higher rank than me, so I must have seemed like a completely useless person to him, being only a B-rank.'
No wonder he was hostile to me from the start.
He needed someone to resent.
In the end, he seemed to have concluded that Guides who couldn't stabilize Transcendent Beings were unnecessary existences.
"...I'm sorry for judging and insulting you arbitrarily, but apart from that, I can't accept the existence of Guides. Transcendent Beings are just able to handle magic power, so they kill and suffer according to orders... but they can't help at all when they're having the hardest time."
Kashiel suppressed his anger again.
His voice trembled slightly, as if putting strength into each syllable.
"Guiding? If it really worked, Claire would have lived."
I listened quietly to the story Kashiel was telling.
Kashiel, with the twins' death branded in his mind like a stigma, still seemed tormented.
At the same time, he feared that he would walk the same path.
"Then, instead of saving anyone on the front lines, you'd only be a burden, and I thought you were crazy for trying to drag even my brother into that mess."
I couldn't refute those words.
The only way I could protect Hiakin now was to keep him within my sight.
At best, I could use Prince Isidor, who was interested in me, to get him sponsored by a slightly better family.
As long as Hiakin manifested as a Transcendent Being, I couldn't change the future where that child would be dragged to the battlefield.
'...Evolved Beings.'
As members of the nation, they cannot choose their own path except for the options that are set for them.
I chose that path voluntarily because it could solve the immediate problem of making a living, but not everyone would be like me.
'No, in fact, I can't say that I chose it either.'
When I first had my First Manifestation, the first thought that came to my mind was one thing.
Can we finally not starve now?
No matter how much the priests took care of the orphans, food was always scarce in a situation where the number of children who lost their parents increased every day.
The First Manifestation that came to me in the midst of that was the only opportunity to take Hiakin and escape that situation.
'Ah, I don't want to remember that time, but...'
For some reason, things keep coming up that I should recall today.
Hiding my bitter feelings, I suddenly had a thought.
'Even if I survive without being sacrificed to Akteon's trauma... I wouldn't die like Claire's Guide, would I?'
Then there would be no point in struggling to change the future like this, would there?
'Whether I die early or later, there wouldn't be much difference...'
Then, instead of just avoiding Akteon's Second Manifestation...
A more fundamental solution is needed?
'Is revolution the only answer?'
While lost in thought, Kashiel managed to quell his surging anger a little and apologized again.
"...I'm sorry. I know that my words won't be erased by just this one word."
"It's okay. I tend to forget things I don't want to hear pretty quickly."
Kashiel, whose spirit had been broken, seemed almost pathetic, as if he had poured out such harsh words to hide this appearance.
But that doesn't mean I want to be close to him.
If his goal was to draw out a sense of kinship from me, he was half successful.
If he was hurting just as much while holding and wielding the standards he had set himself, even though they were his own, it was hard to say anything.
"Well, I guess it's good that I even got an apology."
"That's right. I don't apologize to just anyone."
"That's trashy."
"......"
I suddenly remembered that Kashiel had keywords like regretful male lead, trashy male lead, and deadbeat second male lead attached to him.
However, I didn't say anything more for the sake of the guy who had just begun to show a weak side.
Instead, I decided to say something else.
It was unlike me, but there was plenty of room to take advantage of his weakened state.
For example, I could get him to cooperate for the same goal as me.
"Unless we change the law, we won't be able to avoid that path."
"...That's right."
I could read a long-standing resignation on Kashiel's face as he readily agreed.
It's easy to blame the Guide who was next to them for the cause of the death of a loved family member.
But that wouldn't have changed anything. Since he would have to return to the academy someday, he couldn't continue to turn away from Guides.
In other words, there's someone else Kashiel should be angry at.
"Still, it seems like you've found a legitimate target to be angry at. Congratulations."
"What?"
I deliberately continued to speak in an unfriendly tone.
"What's the real problem here? The Magic Stone War? It would be good to end the war quickly. Guides? What crime did the Guides commit? They died together because of the Transcendent Beings."
Kashiel was silent, as if he had nothing to say.
"Isn't the important thing the people who pushed a child who was barely an adult onto the battlefield just because they were a high-ranking Transcendent Being?"
"You..."
Kashiel, at a loss for words, quickly hardened his face and lowered his voice.
"Don't make dangerous remarks. Are you out of your mind?"
"I'm in my right mind. It's this country that's not in its right mind."
He opened his mouth but couldn't say anything.
I said dryly to him.
"If Hiakin manifests in half a year and is sent straight to the front lines just because he's an S-rank, I'll take my brother and run away from this country."
"You... are you really not crazy?"
"I won't let that child go through the same thing as your family."
I was serious.
Kashiel gradually froze at the resolute look in my eyes.
Even if he was a cadet, the moment he fled to another country, he would be treated as a deserter.
But even if I had to run away for the rest of my life, if Hiakin was trapped in this narrow country and lived only as a weapon.
'I'd rather run away.'
The reason I'm not doing that right now is because I still have hope that I can change something.
"You should judge well too. What we have to do, whether we have to follow the path just because it's set."
If someone tries to harm me, my brother.
I can't just follow the path that's given to me like that.
I'd rather walk where there is no path.
And Kashiel's face, from which the extremely sensitive and nervous appearance had been stripped away, had similarities to mine.
I could be sure from the way he admitted that I was the wrong target of his anger and apologized.
"What are you going to do?"
Kashiel couldn't give me an answer to my question until we arrived at the mansion.
I didn't ask any more questions either.
A few days passed like that, and about a week later.
"You're going back in half a year, right?"
Kashiel came to me as I was sitting in the garden. Judging by the fact that the wind was gradually getting colder, it would be a few months before the new semester started.
"I have to."
"What are you going to do when you go back?"
"Why should I tell you that?"
Kashiel, with a face that was neither nervous nor indifferent, but somehow regained his peace, gave me the answer from that time.
"I'm going back too. I'll know what to do when I get there."
And he suddenly made a statement that was prone to misunderstanding.
"I think I'll need you to do that."
