Chapter 49
#49
The cool night air was refreshing.
Although Ricardo had led me out, I was glad I came.
I usually enjoyed wine lightly with dinner, but today, I had a bit too much to keep Reintar company, making it even more pronounced.
The cool air on my cheeks, which felt warm from the alcohol, was pleasant.
The stars in the night sky twinkled beautifully, and the fragrant scent of the garden flowers mingled and brushed against my nose.
And the charming sound of insects flowed like music.
Ricardo's hand, lukewarm to the touch, also made me feel good.
Maria's situation, Meggy's death, and even the thoughts of future misfortunes were not in my head right now.
I was only thinking about the current atmosphere and the fact that the person next to me was Ricardo.
I felt good.
It felt like I was standing on fluffy clouds, and a smile naturally spread across my face.
Maybe I was a little drunk right now.
"Ricardo..."
I wanted to convey this feeling to Ricardo, so I turned my head, but Ricardo had a completely different expression than I did.
Unlike me, who felt like smiling, he was staring blankly into the air with a stiff face.
Was something wrong?
I thought he had suggested going out for some air simply because he wanted to stop listening to the absurd stories of the two men who knew nothing about swords.
To leave the table and change the subject.
But looking at Ricardo now, I realized that might not be the case.
He had something to tell me.
And I could guess from his stiff face that what he had to say was not good news.
I couldn't finish the name I had started to call, and I closed my mouth.
And I forcefully and quietly pulled my hand out of his.
No, I tried to pull it out.
"Bianca."
Ricardo quickly grabbed my hand again as I carefully tried to pull it away.
It was like finding a bird trying to escape from its cage and reaching out to grab it.
A careful but strong gesture, as if he would never allow it to escape.
"I don't know if I'm qualified to say this."
Ricardo opened his mouth, still staring at the darkness in the air.
"And I don't know if what I'm about to say is right."
Unlike his resolute gaze, Ricardo's lips were hesitant.
I was on edge, wondering what he was going to say.
"Bianca."
Finally, as if he had made up his mind, he called my name.
"I don't like you talking to other men."
"...Excuse me?"
I was so taken aback by the story that finally came out of Ricardo's mouth that I couldn't help but ask back.
"And you don't seem to know, but Reintar likes you. So I think it would be better to switch seats with me."
"What are you talking about?"
Usually, at these kinds of gatherings, the host predetermines where the guests will sit.
Today was no different.
We sat down as the Marquis of Wendsbury, or rather, Reintar, had decided.
But to switch seats? That was rude.
Even if he was the captain of the royal guard who had rolled around in harsh wars, Ricardo, who was born and raised in the Duke of Wincaiser's family and was the heir to the Dukedom, couldn't possibly not know that.
"Yes. You may not know. But as a man, it's clear that Reintar is interested in you. I can tell for sure from the way he looks at you and the way he talks."
Ricardo stated very firmly what I already knew.
As if he had some great insight and had noticed something amazing.
"I know that too."
"What?"
"I know that Lord Reintar Wendsbury is interested in me."
Ricardo's brow furrowed slightly as I pointed out that I already knew that fact.
"You knew?"
"Yes."
"Since when?"
"Well, not today, at least?"
"Not today?"
Looking at Ricardo's bewildered expression, as if he had learned a shocking fact, I could tell that he had only realized this today.
A dull person.
Probably a person who is dull about everything except swords.
I knew that was Ricardo, but it was as I expected.
"As you said, it's easy to tell from Lord Reintar Wendsbury's tone and eyes."
I spoke as if I had known this for quite some time, but in fact, I had only recently realized this.
As I became entangled with Maria, my meetings with Reintar naturally increased, and that's when I noticed.
That he liked me. And very obviously.
"You knew? But why didn't you take any action?"
"What action?"
"Reject his feelings or something."
"Are you saying I should reject him before he even confesses to me?"
"Or distance yourself from him."
"I don't particularly associate with him, but can't you obviously distance yourself at gatherings between families like this? Wouldn't that be stranger?"
"But..."
Uncharacteristically of Ricardo, he trailed off, and his eyes moved busily.
Ricardo, who never lost his composure, was unusually flustered.
"Ricardo, I know what you're talking about."
I spoke calmly to calm the flustered Ricardo.
"But in these cases, unless the other person takes some action, there's nothing we can do on this side. All I can do is wait."
"Wait? For what?"
"For him to confess or just sort out his feelings on his own and give up on me."
"If he confesses?"
"I'll have to politely refuse. I'm already engaged, and you're a very wonderful person, so you'll be able to meet someone better than me."
"Bianca, you... seem skilled at this?"
Ricardo, who had been listening to my answer quietly, interrupted me.
"Does this happen often?"
"Not often."
"Not often, but it has happened?"
I had forgotten for a moment.
That this man had no interest in me before.
"Ricardo."
I quietly called his name.
Like a teacher pointing out a student's mistakes.
"As I said before, you were the only one who treated me like a stone in your pocket. I was originally a jewel, and I still am a jewel. A very shining one at that."
As I gently enlightened him that I was a shining jewel, Ricardo's expression furrowed slightly.
...Was it a bit presumptuous of me to call myself a jewel?
But that was the perfect analogy.
"What do I have to do to have that jewel?"
He was serious.
His furrowed brow, his questioning voice, and even the way he looked straight at me.
Ricardo asked me with the utmost sincerity.
I was at a loss for words for a moment, staring at him with the same attitude as a devout believer asking God for his path.
"No, actually, I already know the answer."
Even though I hadn't said anything, he muttered with a bitter smile, as if he had already received a revelation.
His gaze, which had been on me, had already fallen to the ground.
As if a believer who had committed a sin could not bear to look at the image of God, his gaze was fixed on the floor.
"I'll have to risk my life. That jewel is worth it, so it will only be allowed to those who risk their lives."
My hand flinched involuntarily at Ricardo's voice, which was muttering in a complicated manner.
He still remembered.
My question of whether he loved me.
My answer that love is something you can risk your life for.
"Why am I such a coward, Bianca?"
The Splendor Empire's best swordsman.
The god of the battlefield who protects Splendor.
The man with such titles called himself a coward in front of me in a small, weak voice.
"You're a coward?"
I asked, because I couldn't believe the words that no one would believe either.
"I'm afraid of death."
He quietly confessed the instinct that everyone has.
"I'm the coward who killed other people because I didn't want to die."
Ricardo's eyes, which slowly lifted his head, were the same as before.
Empty and vacant.
Not seeing anything, not wanting to see anything.
Barren and desolate black eyes like a wasteland.
"If love is sacrificing my life for others, then I'll never be able to love anyone in my life."
I didn't understand Ricardo before.
I didn't want to know what he was seeing.
I only cared about why he wasn't looking at me.
And I resented him for not looking at me no matter how long I waited.
"Me too... I am."
But now I knew too.
Now I knew how scary death was, how precious life was, and how desperate the desire to live was.
So I knew Ricardo's current feelings as well.
Rather, I was grateful for his confession.
Ricardo didn't lightly say that he would risk his life for me like a sweet talker. That wasn't his true heart.
"Dying is scary. If it's to live, I might be able to kill someone else in my place too."
So Ricardo deserved to hear my honest confession.
It was a story that I would never tell in front of others because I could be caught.
It was a story that I could never tell because I was afraid of looking weak, cruel, or selfish.
But I told Ricardo.
"I can't help it. I'm more precious than others."
I trusted him.
Just as he trusted me.
"Bianca."
It was a quiet call, as quiet as the starlight falling from the sky.
And what happened after that also happened very quietly.
