Chapter 30
#30
A familiar melody filled my ears. And before my eyes, an unfamiliar scene unfolded.
Ricardo was dancing, with someone else.
It was only natural. Today was Maria's Debutante, and Ricardo was her partner. It was perfectly natural for him to dance the first dance with her.
Even if, for the past 10 years, I had naturally been his partner, and naturally the one he shared his first dance with.
As I brought the champagne to my lips, I realized my fingertips were trembling slightly.
Pretending to be nonchalant, I tightened my grip on the champagne glass and took a sip.
The sweet, refreshing liquid cleansed my palate, but it couldn't quite refresh my mood.
"Bianca, are you alright?"
"...What do you mean?"
Feigning indifference, I turned to look at Asel.
He seemed about to say something, but after seeing my expression, he simply closed his mouth.
"I was just thinking, should we dance soon?"
Asel shrugged as if it were nothing.
"Very well. I shall grant my first dance of the evening to His Imperial Highness."
Asel grinned as the words of consent left my lips.
"But."
His smile froze as another word escaped my mouth.
"I'll go touch up my makeup first."
"You are already very beautiful as you are."
Asel spoke quickly, as if he couldn't bear to let me go.
"I know. But I don't think I'm quite perfect."
I gave him the most relaxed smile I could muster. A smile that suggested I was the kind of woman who could make a man wait.
But in truth, that smile was nothing more than a facade.
After seeing Ricardo and Maria dancing, I was shaken. Tremendously so.
If I were to dance with Asel in this state, I would undoubtedly step on his feet.
I couldn't allow myself to make such a mistake in front of everyone.
"I'll be back, and then we shall dance."
I needed a little time to myself right now.
The face in the mirror was still beautiful. A little pale and worried, perhaps, but beautiful nonetheless.
"It's alright."
I soothed the beautiful woman in the mirror.
"It will be alright."
Whether my words were comforting or not, she smiled faintly.
It was a weak smile, but it was much better than a pale, ashen face.
I reapplied my lipstick and was about to head back to Asel when—
Click.
The door opened without a knock.
"Ricardo?"
I was a little surprised to see the owner of the face in the doorway.
Shouldn't he still be dancing with Maria? Had the music already ended?
"I have something to say to you."
Just as there had been no knock, there was no request for permission to enter the room.
"What is it?"
"Why did you say that?"
"Say what?"
"What you said before you left the room earlier."
Ricardo glared at me with fierce eyes, interrogating me.
Yes. This was an interrogation. Ricardo was pressing me as if I had done something wrong.
"I simply said it without any particular meaning."
"No particular meaning?"
"Yes."
"You mean to say that you didn't mean anything by saying that Maria and I look good together?"
"I simply said it because you looked good together. I heard others in the hall saying the same thing earlier."
"Bianca!"
"Speak."
I had done nothing wrong, even if he was interrogating me, so I stood tall.
No, rather, everything I did was to avoid being killed for no reason, so I stood even taller.
Even if it upset Ricardo a little.
"So you were with Asel?"
"I was with His Imperial Highness, but I don't understand why you're adding a 'so what' to that."
"You're telling me that I look good with Maria, while you were with Asel. Why? Do you think you look better with Asel too?"
That pink-haired Asel and I look good together?
Ricardo was clearly using a very sophisticated form of insult right now.
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm the one who doesn't know what you're saying or doing. Do you even know?"
"What do you mean?"
"What kind of behavior is it to send your fiancé to another woman and be with another man yourself?"
"You're making it sound like I've committed some kind of immoral act."
"Does it offend you?"
"Yes!"
"I am also extremely displeased."
I frowned and questioned Ricardo, and Ricardo frowned and questioned me in turn.
This was definitely a first.
Until now, I had always endured and overlooked anything that made me feel bad.
I didn't even know if anything I did had ever bothered him. I didn't know if he was even looking at me properly.
This was the first time our emotions had clashed so directly, and it was also the first time I had seen Ricardo's angry face.
His brow was furrowed, and his dark eyes blazed with anger.
Witnessing such raw emotion, my own emotions quickly flared up as well.
"Bianca."
As Ricardo's lips uttered my name, the emotions that had surged to my throat seemed to subside a little.
Yes. I was Bianca.
I was not a woman who was swayed by emotions and blurted out whatever she wanted to say.
"Speak."
It was only enough to barely contain the surging emotions somewhere in my chest, but I was still able to speak in a much calmer voice than before.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Doing what?"
"I clearly conveyed my feelings, didn't I?"
"What feelings?"
"Don't pretend you don't understand. I know you're not that oblivious."
"......"
"I clearly said that I like you."
Ricardo said, looking straight into my eyes as if making a declaration of war. His eyes were unwavering, and there was no backing down.
"I clearly said that the person I'm interested in is Bianca, and that I will marry you."
"But there are still things you haven't said clearly."
I looked straight into his dark eyes, filled with hot passion.
Was the seething emotion anger, or something else?
"Does your 'like' mean that you love me?"
If he said yes, I would believe him.
"Does marrying me mean that you will love me for the rest of your life?"
If Ricardo said he loved me now, not that damn book, I wanted to believe his words.
I wanted to believe the words of a person who bled and breathed, not the scraps of letters that a piece of paper spoke of.
No, I wanted to believe what Ricardo Wincaiser said even more.
If he said he loved me, I would gladly ignore the book.
If he could swear that his love would never change, I could show him the book right now and confess that we should find a way to be together for the rest of our lives.
"Can you kneel at my feet right now and swear that you will love me forever?"
Please, I wanted him to.
"Perhaps."
But no.
He said it as if he wasn't sure of his own words. Words that he himself wasn't sure of could not convince anyone.
I desperately wanted to be convinced by him, but I couldn't.
"What do you mean, 'perhaps'?"
I tried not to, but a tone mixed with disappointment and ridicule escaped my lips.
"What is love, Bianca?"
"What?"
"If you can explain what it is, I'll see if what I feel for you is love or not."
He was serious. This swordsman, who had only looked at swords since birth, seemed to really not know what love was.
"I feel affection for you. I think you're special. Is this love?"
Ricardo was looking at me with eyes that begged me to tell him. He was confused, as if he himself didn't know what his feelings were.
"I want to touch you. I want to kiss you. Is this also because I love you?"
He took another step towards me.
He stood very close, very close.
His leg was inside the hem of my skirt, and his chest and my chest were so close that even a thin piece of paper wouldn't be able to slip through.
He was looking down at me, and I was looking up at him.
"Tell me, Bianca. Is what I'm feeling now love?"
His breath flowed softly from Ricardo's questioning lips and landed on my forehead. And his hand reached out towards me and supported my waist.
"Bianca."
It was a voice parched with thirst. A voice that was anxious and yearning.
He was hoping for an answer.
"Ricardo."
As if in response to my call, he gently tilted his head and looked down at me askance.
His lips and my lips were about to touch.
"Can you die for me?"
I asked him just before his lips touched mine.
The lips that were about to touch did not touch. They remained frozen as if petrified.
"Can you give up your life for me?"
Slowly, his lips were moving away again.
I wasn't disappointed. I wasn't sad either.
I was simply accepting the fact calmly, as if it were only natural.
"Is that what love is?"
There was still confusion in his dark eyes.
It was the look of a child who couldn't accept the fact that the answer he thought was correct was wrong.
Or, it was the look of a dog abandoned by its master.
An infinitely pitiful and infinitely tender, wounded dog that endlessly licked its bleeding wounds.
"That's what I think."
I, too, had chosen my life over Ricardo.
I didn't want to be by his side at the cost of my own sacrifice. My life was more precious than love with Ricardo.
I wanted to live. So I had decided to abandon him.
There was no reason for me to be disappointed that he couldn't give up his life for me, after I had made such a choice.
"We don't love each other."
That was my conclusion.
Bianca did not love Ricardo.
Ricardo did not love Bianca.
