How to Survive the Horror Novel I Wrote
Chapter 37
“Let’s go in.”
Wrapping an arm around my shoulder, Ugeum typed the passcode into the front door lock.
The moment we stepped inside, On-dam came running and threw his arms around me, tears and snot streaming down his face.
“Teacher, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Hearing his tearful apology made my heart ache. A child who had done nothing wrong was apologizing as if it were all his fault.
Just like I used to.
“What do you have to be sorry for? You didn't do anything wrong. Don’t apologize, On-dam. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault….”
I wept with On-dam, murmuring the very words he—and I—should have heard long ago.
At my words, On-dam began to cry even harder. It was as though all the tears he had held back for so long had finally burst through the dam.
I was the same. Tears that had pooled inside me until they turned putrid poured out in a torrential flood.
Years of sorrow and anguish lodged deep in my chest were washed away in the deluge.
While On-dam and I held each other and wept, Ugeum silently kept watch beside us.
By the time our long weeping subsided and we regained our composure, it was already past eleven.
Checking the time, On-dam apologized through his red, swollen face.
“I’m sorry for keeping you up so late. I should go to sleep now.”
His voice was raspy from crying so much.
“Will you be all right sleeping alone?”
When I asked out of worry, On-dam answered as if it were nothing.
“I’ll be fine. I’m used to it.”
The word *used to it* tore at my heart.
I knew. I knew he was far from fine.
There must have been countless other nights when he cried until his face swelled and his voice gave out. Incalculably many.
Even so, On-dam politely wished me good night like a grown-up before retreating into the small bedroom.
“You should sleep too. You have work tomorrow.”
Ugeum urged softly.
“I suppose I should.”
I agreed meekly, carefully reading Ugeum’s expression.
The truth was, I wanted him to stay. I was terrified that Ondam's Father might come back.
Yet I couldn't bring myself to ask him to stay the night.
I was afraid he might misunderstand my intentions because of what happened at the mountain cabin two nights ago. Not that the situation called for such thoughts, but just in case.
As I hesitated, unable to speak, Ugeum spoke up out of nowhere.
“I’ll sleep here tonight.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t read into it. I’m just a little worried. That guy might come back.”
Ugeum elaborated in a calm, matter-of-fact tone.
How does he always know the exact words I need to hear? As if he can read my mind.
“Okay…. Thank you.”
Since Ugeum insisted on sleeping on the couch, I brought him a spare blanket.
When I returned to my room and lay down, Ugeum, standing by the doorway, switched off the light.
“Good night.”
His gentle voice melted into the darkness.
The door slowly swung shut. The sliver of light filtering in from the living room grew thinner and thinner. Seeing it dwindle filled me with a sudden dread.
Before he could close the door completely, I called out softly.
“Could you leave it open just a crack?”
“Sure.”
Ugeum left the door slightly ajar and walked away.
A moment later, accompanied by the click of a light switch, the faint glow seeping through the crack vanished. Darkness and silence enveloped the room.
I closed my eyes.
Yet the ticking of the clock pierced through the stillness, drilling into my ears.
The thumping of my heart grew steadily louder as well. My breath hitched, quickening along with it.
<Are you in a cult? Some pyramid scheme?>
<This woman is a kidnapper!>
<You dare lay a hand on me?!>
In the dark, Ondam's Father’s shouting and the violent shove of his hands replayed vividly in my mind.
It looped over and over, impossible to push away no matter how hard I tried.
With every repetition, the face of Ondam's Father gradually warped into my Stepfather’s.
A face contorted in rage, a voice booming like thunder, breath reeking of stale booze and cigarettes, hands flying at me—fists, palms, kicks….
I couldn’t bear the violent rush of memories.
Bolting upright, I climbed out of bed and hesitated before stepping into the dark living room.
Through the dimness, I made out a silhouette stretched out across the sofa. I quietly approached and peered down at Ugeum’s face.
“Are you… asleep?”
At that moment, Ugeum opened his eyes.
Why was it that merely looking at his sleeping face made my heart drop, as though I had been caught doing something bad?
“Can’t sleep?”
Having just woken, Ugeum’s voice was thick and raspy.
“No.”
“Want me to hold your hand until you do?”
That felt a bit too much like treating me like a child.
Yet in the end, I nodded. Getting up from the sofa, Ugeum gently took my hand.
Led by Ugeum, I returned to my room. Like magic, my fear vanished, replaced by a fluttering in my chest.
Instead of climbing onto the bed with me, however, Ugeum pulled up a chair and sat down.
The way he held my hand looked for all the world like a dedicated caregiver watching over a patient.
His excessive consideration made me chuckle. I wasn't a child, and I trusted him. So I tugged at his hand and teased playfully,
“Come up here. I won’t bite. I’ll just hold your hand and sleep.”
Ugeum burst into laughter. The low rumble of his chuckle tickled inside my chest. But only for a second.
He quickly sent a jolt of tension through me with a suggestive warning.
“I might be the one who bites, though.”
“……!”
“Just kidding.”
Adding the tease with a grin, Ugeum climbed onto the bed. It was only a double bed, a bit snug to fit alongside his large frame. I rolled onto my side to give him room.
Ugeum turned onto his side as well, facing me as our fingers interlaced. The warmth of his broad hand wrapped gently around my heart.
His gaze was even warmer. The affection brimming in his eyes felt like spring sunlight.
Looking into those eyes, it hit me. *Ah, this is why I thought of him. Without realizing it, I’ve come to rely on him so much.*
“What are you thinking about?”
Ugeum asked.
Too embarrassed to give an honest answer, I deflected.
“Just… thinking about how fascinating you are.”
“What about me?”
“You. When I look back, you always seem to show up at the most incredible moments. Back then in the Teachers' Room, and again today.”
I kept the thought that he was just like a hero to myself. It felt too childish, too cheesy to say out loud.
“I’m glad to hear that.”
Ugeum replied tenderly.
“Glad about what?”
“That I could protect you when you needed it.”
Hearing those words, a poignant realization settled over me.
It was true. Come to think of it, Ugeum had always protected me. When I collapsed from acute stomach cramps, when I was being vilified in the Teachers' Room, when the police suspected me, and again today.
I never could have dreamed that the antihero I created would come to me and become my hero.
Maybe Ugeum wasn't a curse, but a blessing. Perhaps I had simply been running scared, hesitating all on my own….
“Thank you for today.”
I thanked him from the bottom of my heart.
“Sure.”
“…I’m glad you’re here.”
Ugeum’s eyes widened slightly. Soon, they curved into crescents, softening into an enrapturing smile.
“I’m glad too. That I can be by your side.”
Raising our joined hands, Ugeum pressed a kiss to the back of mine. The hot, soft touch of his lips traveled up my skin and tickled straight to my heart.
It felt as if cotton candy had filled my chest, melting sweetly inside me.
Ugeum whispered in a voice even sweeter.
“Good night, Ji-an-ah. I love you.”
“I love you.”
I whispered back without thinking, then startled at myself internally.
‘I love you’? Just rolling off my tongue like that? Without being coerced like last time?
It was all Ugeum’s fault. Why was his hand so warm? Why was his gaze so deeply fond? Why was he so endlessly sweet to me?
Lying under the cozy blanket, holding his warm hand, drowsiness gradually crept over me.
The ticking of the clock was no longer audible; only Ugeum’s steady, even breathing across from me ushered in peace.
Amid my fading consciousness, a question suddenly flickered to life.
With my eyes still closed, I asked sluggishly,
“Today… how did you know… to come…?”
There was no answer from Ugeum, as if he had already fallen asleep. It didn't seem all that important to me anyway.
I drifted slowly into a tranquil sleep.
And so, I didn't hear.
“Because you….”
Ugeum’s answering voice faded into the distance. My blackened consciousness sank deeper and deeper.
* * *
Heemang Elementary School, Grade 2, Class 4, No. 38, Ha Ji-an
April 13th.
Title: I Hate Mom
Stepfather hit me again today. But Mom just watched.
Why does Mom just watch? Did Mom want to hit me too, deep down?
Is that why she remarried someone who hits me? Did she look for someone to hit me instead of her?
One thing is for sure. Mom doesn't love me anymore.
I miss my dead Dad so, so much. If Dad were here, he wouldn't let Stepfather hit me.
I hate Mom so much for doing nothing.
May 20th.
Title: Stepfather Going Crazy
Stepfather drank.
I took the key ring, went into my room, and locked the door.
Because Stepfather always hits me whenever he drinks.
Then drunk Stepfather came over and went crazy, telling me to open the door.
He might break the bedroom door at this rate. But until that door breaks, I get to live.
I want to become an adult quickly. I want to grow up fast and leave this house.
But I still have eleven whole years left before I become an adult. Time, please go fast. Please.
June 4th.
Title: Choking
Stepfather tried to kill me. He beat me up and then choked my neck. It hurt so bad and I couldn't breathe.
If Mom hadn't stopped him, I would have gone to heaven and met Dad today.
I looked in the mirror and saw red handprints on my neck. I’m so scared of Stepfather.
I'll probably get beaten to death before I ever grow up.
July 17th.
Title: Grown-ups Are All Liars
I went to the police station today and reported Stepfather. The police officer said he would protect me.
But he called my house and told them I reported him. So Mom and Stepfather came to the police station too.
Mom lied and said Stepfather only did it this one time.
Stepfather suddenly acted nice and said sorry to the police officer, promising he would never do it again. But when we got home, he beat me again.
I was beaten half to death. It’s a miracle I’m even alive right now.
Stepfather told me if I ever report him to the police again, he’ll kill me.
I don't believe Stepfather, but I believe that. I don't want to die. I want to live.
I wish someone would kill Stepfather.