How to Survive the Horror Novel I Wrote
Chapter 34
I followed the quietly opening door and stepped into the room. It was dark and still. Moonlight shining through the pitch-black window pooled in a bluish hue over the white bedsheets.
Following right behind me, Ugeum pulled my hand away from the doorknob. Still holding my right hand in his clasp, he brought his left hand around to wrap across my stomach.
His solid body pressed flush against my back, sending a sharp jolt of tension through me.
“Ah.”
Startled, I drew in a sharp breath. Ugeum whispered softly against my ear.
“It’s okay. Don’t be nervous.”
How could I not be nervous? Not when I’m like this with you.
Soon, the sound of the door clicking shut plunged my vision into darkness. With sight suppressed, the rest of my senses unfurled in the dark.
The heat radiating from his hands covering the back of my right hand and my belly, the warmth from his chest pressed against my back, the low breathing washing over my ear, the deep scent of him filling my nose, and the pounding of a heart that I couldn’t tell was his or mine…
After holding me still for a moment, Ugeum suddenly took a step forward. Pushed by him, I took a step forward as well.
One more step, and then another.
Holding me from behind, Ugeum moved slowly forward. Toward the bed.
I felt like a puppet dangling in Ugeum’s grasp. How else could I yield myself so defenselessly, so helplessly? Yet I couldn’t bring myself to resist.
No, was that just an excuse, and deep down, did I want this too? Hoping I could make excuses, say I had no choice, and blame everything on Ugeum—hoping he would sweep me away just as he pleased… for the dream to become reality.
Reaching the bed at last, Ugeum turned me around to face him. Trapped in a swirl of anxiety, anticipation, tension, excitement, and confusion, I looked up at him.
Blue moonlight illuminated Ugeum’s face. The face of a man looking down at me as if entranced, his gaze a thick tangle of affection and desire.
Looking at that face, my reason crumbled like a sandcastle. What kind of man Ugeum was, who I was, what kind of relationship entangled us—none of it seemed to matter anymore, and I didn’t want to think about it either.
Ugeum pressed gently down on my shoulders, seating me on the bed. Then, bending at the waist, he brought his eyes level with mine.
His expression was calm and composed, yet the dangerous blaze in his eyes was like a starving predator holding its breath before its prey.
Intimidated, I asked in a barely audible voice,
“What are you going to do…?”
Taking my left hand and lifting it, Ugeum replied in a low voice,
“You tell me. How far you’ll allow.”
Even when Ugeum lifted my hand to touch my lips, I didn’t understand his request. Not even when his face leaned in and his lips pressed against mine.
Lips were crushed and parted. From the tip of his tongue sweeping in without hesitation, a brilliant burst of pleasure blossomed. As my head kept getting pushed back, I unconsciously wrapped my right hand around the nape of Ugeum’s neck.
A pause. Ugeum’s lips broke the kiss and pulled away. Unable to tear my eyes from the lips right before me, I panted for breath. Lips moist with our mingled saliva whispered huskily,
“Like this.”
What did that mean? Like this? What was like this?
I couldn’t quite grasp it. It felt as if that kiss had melted my brain into mush. I lifted my eyes to meet Ugeum’s gaze.
Staring intently into my eyes, Ugeum slowly guided my left hand, held in his grasp, downward. The fingertips slid along my neck, and then Ugeum buried his face in the crook of my neck.
Only then did I understand. Ugeum guiding my hand to touch different parts of my body was his way of asking for permission—and until I stopped my hand, this dizzying guidance would continue.
Hot, ragged breaths drifted over my neck alongside moist flesh. The damp heat licking at my neck felt as if it were soaking through my entire body.
My languid body slowly tipped backward. Before I knew it, I was lying on the bed, and Ugeum was hovering over me.
“You’re sweet…”
His whispering voice was the one that sounded sticky and sweet, like melted sugar.
While I was intoxicated with pleasure, the hand Ugeum held had already drifted down to my chest. Even so, the thought of stopping didn’t cross my mind. Anticipation overcame tension, excitement suppressed anxiety, and I waited for the pleasure that was soon to follow.
Then Ugeum, who had been leaning over me, rose onto his knees. Still holding my left hand with one hand, he began unbuttoning my shirt one by one with his other hand.
Cool air leaked in through the slowly opening shirt. Yet I was still hot. The gaze looking down at me burned with so much heat. It felt as if the passion simmering in Ugeum’s eyes were dripping down over me.
At last, the final button came undone and the front fell completely open. In a thick, low voice, Ugeum murmured,
“Beautiful…”
My face burned at the absurd compliment. Overcome with embarrassment, I pulled my legs together and covered my chest with my right hand. But Ugeum immediately moved my hand away.
My bra was pulled down, and the crown of Ugeum’s head dipped beneath my chin. Moments later, an electric sensation flared from a place I hadn’t even known existed, shooting all the way down to my toes.
“Ah, ah…!”
My consciousness shattered white. Reflexively, I grabbed a handful of Ugeum’s hair. The sensation of tender, delicate flesh being brushed, pushed, and dampened threw my mind into complete disarray. I couldn’t think of anything.
With hot lips making shameful, wet sounds, he gradually slid down toward my stomach. Wherever Ugeum’s lips touched, fevered blossoms seemed to bloom.
Then, suddenly, an emptiness fell. Opening the eyes I had closed without realizing, I saw Ugeum’s face staring quietly into mine.
Only then did I realize… my left hand was resting below my navel.
As our eyes met blankly, Ugeum deliberately lifted my left hand and placed his own left hand inside it. Then he set them back down onto my lower belly.
Now I was the one holding Ugeum’s hand.
This time, I understood immediately. The final decision had been handed over to me.
Ugeum’s eyes spoke: What comes next is up to you.
I froze like stone. I couldn’t bring myself to lower the hand I held, nor lift it back up, nor shake it off entirely. What Ugeum had handed me was the greatest dilemma of my life. Like the Gordian knot that no one could untie.
How could I decide our relationship? You aren’t real. You aren’t even human. Just as you appeared out of nowhere one day, you might vanish out of nowhere too. If I fall for you for real, it will surely bring nothing but agony.
Unable to do anything, I simply let the time slip by.
Time passed slowly. So slowly that every single second felt endlessly stretched. It felt as if time itself had stopped.
Then suddenly, Ugeum smiled gently, as if he understood everything.
And with a single stroke, he severed the knot.
“That’s enough for today.”
Having given his tender verdict, Ugeum kissed my forehead lightly.
The tension melted away, and the strength drained from my body. A massive wave of relief washed over me like a tsunami, followed immediately by a storm of lingering regret.
Ugeum pulled my bra back up, drew the wide-open shirt closed, and meticulously fastened every single button.
Throughout it all, I couldn’t move an inch. Like a lighthouse anchored in the middle of a fiercely turbulent sea.
A moment later, Ugeum rose to his feet. While his face was the picture of calm and serenity, the front of his trousers bulged menacingly.
Yet Ugeum paid it no heed at all, saying his farewell with a gentle smile.
“Good night.”
I couldn’t say a word in response.
Suppressing a beast-like desire, my patient gentleman turned away with composure.
I could only watch in silence as Ugeum’s silhouette receded into the darkness.
Soon after, the door opened, and bright light poured into the room. In the backlight, Ugeum’s outline gleamed pale white. The moment his profile appeared through the slowly narrowing gap of the door—
Something flared up inside me before dying away. Whether that thing—crumbled into white ash—was relief or regret… even I couldn’t tell.
The door closed, and darkness swallowed the surroundings once more.
Left alone in the dark room, I could only foolishly chew over the words Ugeum had left behind. Wondering when next time would be, and just how far it would go.