How to Survive the Horror Novel I Wrote
Chapter 23
Those few words wound my clock back to the night before last. Vivid memories rushed in—the sensor light turning on and off above our heads while we kissed, Ugeum’s heat that felt as though it would melt me away, and his gentle touch as he pulled back to tidy my clothes.
<I’ll wait. I’m good at waiting.>
And the way he grinned as he said it.
My heart throbbed, tightening painfully. What was this feeling? Was it betrayal, disappointment, or anxiety? Nothing was certain, yet my chest leaped with dread.
I cleared my tightening throat.
“No. It’s not that… but I want to be with you.”
Because while he was with me, he wouldn’t be able to kill anyone else.
- I’ll be right over.
Ugeum arrived in no time. Even though he knew the door lock’s passcode, he rang the doorbell and waited for me to open it, tossing out a joke with a smile.
“Tell me the truth. You’re testing the limits of my patience, aren’t you?”
I looked up at him with a somber gaze.
Now I understood why I felt this way. I wanted to believe in you. In you, spouting this silly nonsense. In the mask of a sweet boyfriend I had placed over you.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
Seeing my face, Ugeum wiped the smile from his lips entirely.
Unable to tell him the truth and strapped for an excuse, I told him about Ahn Ondam.
That I had seen a runaway student at a convenience store and pretended not to notice. That I felt a sense of shame as a teacher. It wasn’t a lie.
Ugeum sat beside me on the sofa, listening to my story and comforting me. He told me that while it wasn’t the best thing to do, it wasn’t wrong either. That other teachers wouldn’t have known what to do either. That I could just do better next time.
I leaned against Ugeum’s shoulder and wept a little.
Regret over turning a blind eye to Ahn Ondam; regret that far from just letting my guard down around Ugeum, I had unknowingly given him my heart; regret that I had called him over when I shouldn’t be letting myself care any further—there was nothing but regret upon regret.
I was certain I had fallen asleep on the sofa, but when I opened my eyes, I was in bed. Ugeum was gone. The keyboard was quiet, too.
Drawn by a savory aroma, I headed into the kitchen to find a breakfast spread on the table that Ugeum must have prepared before leaving. Steamed white rice, soybean paste stew, rolled omelet, pan-fried zucchini, and soy-braised beef.
The fact that he had even meticulously covered it with a mesh food tent to keep dust out struck me as bizarre.
Such a domestic serial killer… Just what on earth had I created?
As I ate breakfast, the tension unwound, and my heart, which had been leaping with anxiety, settled into a calm rhythm.
Speaking with the conviction of his author, there was no way Ugeum was the culprit. Ugeum adorned his prey’s corpses with evidence of their evil deeds. He would never leave a body discarded like that.
Yesterday, I hadn’t had the leeway to think rationally. As the one who had summoned a fictional serial killer into reality, I suppose my own guilt had made me jump at shadows. My mind always jumped straight to the worst-case scenario anyway.
After finishing a hearty breakfast, I left for work. With no spare time during morning homeroom, I sought out the Class 2 Homeroom Teacher as soon as first period ended.
“Teacher. I saw On-dam yesterday.”
“Really? Where?”
“At a convenience store near my place. She was eating cup ramen.”
“Did you tell her to go home?”
“No, I’m not her homeroom teacher, so it felt a bit overstepping…”
“Oh, come on. When it comes to students, there’s no such thing as homeroom or non-homeroom.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
When I apologized in a subdued voice, the Class 2 Homeroom Teacher reached out and patted my arm.
“No, I understand. Honestly, we can’t meddle in the kids’ family matters. It’s not our duty, either.”
Did we really have no such duty? Then what was a teacher’s duty? Was it enough to just teach what was in the textbooks? But cram schools did a better job of that anyway.
“I’ll contact On-dam’s family. Don’t get your hopes up, though. She’s always running away from home like it’s second nature.”
The Class 2 Homeroom Teacher said, turning away.
I was secretly displeased with how she dismissed Ahn Ondam’s situation as mere delinquency despite knowing her circumstances. I used to hate teachers for that exact reason back when I was in school.
Yet the Class 2 Homeroom Teacher surely had her own reasons. Just as I had looked away from Ahn Ondam last night because of my own circumstances.
…Who was I to judge and criticize anyone?
Leaving behind the sound of the Class 2 Homeroom Teacher on the phone, I returned to my desk. Harboring the selfish wish that Ahn Ondam would end her wandering and stay safe, so that my own guilt would vanish.
On my way home after work, I stopped by the convenience store just in case, and there was Ahn Ondam. This time, she was eating a triangle kimbap.
Ahn Ondam glanced at me and indifferently looked away.
Should I say something, or should I not? After regretting it so much yesterday and today, I still hesitated when actually faced with her again.
Then the murder report from last night flashed through my mind, sweeping my hesitation aside. I walked up to Ahn Ondam.
“You’re Ahn Ondam from Class 1-2, right?”
An expression of annoyance crossed Ahn Ondam’s face.
It’s not like I’m talking to you because I want to either…
“Yeah. What of it?”
“You’ve been absent without leave for days now.”
“And?”
“Did you run away from home?”
“…”
Her sullen gaze gave away the answer. You already know, so why ask?
Her indifferent attitude, as if she didn’t need a single ounce of my help, kept shrinking my confidence.
What am I even doing right now? Am I trying to play the passionate teacher? Shouldn’t I just drop this ridiculous meddling and go home? It looks like she wants that, anyway.
Yet I couldn’t turn back. Was I really such a conscientious teacher?
Hardly. What held me by the ankles wasn’t a conscience, but inflated anxiety and a stale sense of shared experience. Whatever it was, I couldn’t just walk past her like this.
How could I keep the conversation going? While racking my brain, my eyes landed on the triangle kimbap Ahn Ondam was eating.
“Does just one of those fill you up? Want to go eat something with me?”
“…”
“Do you like fried chicken?”
Ahn Ondam, who had been warily watching me in silence, finally opened her mouth.
“…Is there anyone who doesn’t like fried chicken?”
“Let’s go.”
I turned right around and walked out of the convenience store. Behind me, I heard footsteps hurriedly following. Long live fried chicken.
I didn’t ask On-dam why she had left home. It was all too obvious.
Having meekly followed me to the chicken joint, On-dam sat across from me, endlessly stuffing boneless chicken into her mouth like someone possessed by hunger.
Even so, the guarded glare shooting out from between her curtain-like bangs made her look like a hedgehog with all its quills raised.
Looking across at her, I thought blankly.
She really is different from me.
I had been beaten daily by my stepfather during my school days, too, but I had never once run away from home. I had nowhere to go. Because I had no friends. Nor did I have the courage to leave home. No, maybe bravado was the better word for it.
Still, deep down, I envied On-dam’s bravado. Because I felt that if I had been able to break out of that hell called home for even just a few days, something might have changed.
Having devoured the chicken in the blink of an eye, On-dam looked at me with suspicious eyes.
“You’re kind of weird, Teacher.”
“What about me?”
“Why aren’t you telling me to go home?”
Because I’m afraid your dad might beat you to death.
Unable to admit that it was my own paranoia talking, I countered with feigned nonchalance.
“Why would I tell a kid who ran away because she hated being at home to go back home? That sounds weirder to me.”
“You’re definitely weird, Teacher.”
Taking advantage of the gap where On-dam’s guard had softened, I probed gently.
“What are you going to do from now on?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s dangerous out here.”
Beneath the bangs that completely veiled her eyes and nose, the corner of On-dam’s mouth curled up wryly.
“Didn’t seem as dangerous as my house, though.”
“You haven’t watched the news. A dead body was found on Naegong Mountain.”
“…What does that have to do with me?”
“Nothing right now. But if you’re unlucky, it might.”
On-dam’s jaw dropped. I surprised myself as well. What kind of ominous, unlucky nonsense was I spouting to a young kid?
Flustered, I shot to my feet.
“Let’s go.”
“Where?”
On-dam scrambled out after me, asking in a bewildered voice.
“My place.”
Good thing kids these days are well-grown. My clothes weren’t all that big on On-dam.
Wearing the T-shirt and sweatpants I had given her, On-dam sat awkwardly on the sofa. Her curtain-like bangs had been swept back with a headband.
What should I do with that kid? Sending her home worried me, yet keeping her here was a burden. Maybe I should look into a youth shelter.
While standing out on the balcony lost in thought under the pretext of getting some fresh air, the doorbell suddenly rang.
The moment I heard the chime, I thought of Ugeum like Pavlov’s dog. There was no one else who would come.
When I stepped into the living room, Ugeum on the intercom screen greeted me, accompanied by the typing sounds drifting from the bedroom.
“Who is that?”
Having moved in front of the intercom at some point, On-dam stared at Ugeum’s face as if spellbound and asked.
“My boyfriend.”
I flinched at the answer that had slipped out reflexively. The chilling realization that I was actually thinking of Ju Ugeum as my boyfriend struck me.
When I opened the front door, Ugeum, dressed in a black suit, stepped in as if it were his own home. He was about to take off his shoes when he paused, spotting On-dam’s sneakers.
“You have a guest?”
“Hello.”
Having followed me to the entryway, On-dam hesitated behind me and offered a greeting. His gaze glanced at On-dam before returning to me.
“Who is she? A student?”
I instinctively stepped in front of On-dam, blocking her.
“Yeah. A student from our school. Due to some circumstances, I’m keeping her here for a few days.”
“Then I guess we’ll be seeing each other often. Hi, I’m Teacher Ji-an’s boyfriend. Nice to meet you.”
The sociable Ugeum flashed a smooth smile at On-dam.
Yet On-dam’s reaction was unexpected. Despite staring spellbound at Ugeum on the intercom just moments ago, the moment he greeted her warmly, she pulled her neck in like a turtle and hid behind my back.
Wondering if she was just shy around strangers, I turned around, only to see her glaring at Ugeum with a sharp, piercing gaze. What that look conveyed was unmistakable.
Hostility.