Previously
Declan shocks his companions by admitting he has someone he cannot forget, sparking intense curiosity in Theodore and the Count. Sienna, having overheard this, returns to her room soaked from the rain and falls into a deep despair, realizing she never truly held Declan's heart.
How to Say Goodbye to You Completely, Episode 12
Those ordinary days had once been natural for Sienna, but now they were a past and a future she could never return to, no matter what she did.
No, she could not even claim that happiness had ever been hers. In the end, he had harbored another woman in his heart all along.
Her throat burned hot as a surge of emotion rose unbidden.
She missed Soliet to the point of madness.
She had only wanted to be by her child’s side—was even that too much to ask? She could not understand why she was repeating this pointless life.
Panting softly for a moment, Sienna pushed herself up with sluggish movements. Her body felt exceptionally heavy, as if her health had indeed deteriorated.
She remembered the healer giving her medicine in a daze, but she seemed to have slept straight through ever since. Thanks to that, her fever had subsided to some degree, but her entire body was a mess of sweat.
Sitting on the bed with a blank expression, Sienna decided to deal with this unpleasant sensation first and set her feet on the floor.
Holding clean clothes and a towel taken from the wardrobe, she quietly nudged the door open, catching the eye of a priestess who happened to be tidying up a chair.
“Your Highness. Where are you going?”
“I was thinking of stopping by the bathhouse for a moment.”
A cracked, metallic scrape slipped from her mouth. As Sienna belatedly cleared her throat, a dismayed look crossed the priestess’s face.
“What should we do? I have to go to the chapel now to prepare for tomorrow morning’s mass.”
“What does it matter? The bathhouse is right across the way anyway. There is no need to worry yourself.”
“Still….”
Sienna could roughly guess why she hesitated. Letting out a faint sigh, she spoke.
“What is your name, Priestess?”
“It is Jane, Your Highness.”
“Jane. I can manage a bath on my own, so do not fret needlessly and go on.”
Though she gave a clean answer, unease still lingered on Jane’s face.
In truth, it was not the first time the princess had bathed alone here. With no one to attend her other than Sir Theodore Monches, her personal knight, it was only natural.
So it was not simply a worry about bathing alone. It was more of an issue of survival. A noblewoman wandering alone in a deserted place late at night was, by any measure, an unwise choice.
Even if this was a monastery of holy orders, it was all the more so considering it was a haven for clerics who were virtually dismissed from the faith for their crimes. The priests staying here could not be called well-behaved by any stretch of the imagination.
“Shall I inform Sir Monches, then?”
“You want me to have a man attend my bath?”
That would be far worse than having no one at all.
Muttering with an exhausted face, Sienna waved one hand as if telling her to get back to work and started down the stairs. Left with no further way to stop her, Jane let out a sigh and followed behind Sienna.
The bathhouse was located at the very outer edge of the quarters, adjoining the corridor that connected to the central sector.
Perhaps because it was late at night, not a single sign of presence could be felt. Even upon arriving outside the bathhouse, Jane seemed unable to set her mind at ease until the very end, but she soon gave up and took her leave.
Sienna briefly set her clothes on the shelf beside the door, then poured the heated water into the tub with practiced motions.
Theo surely would have had plenty to say had he been there, but moving without servants was nothing to Sienna—she had already hit every rock bottom imaginable. She had even been locked in a prison while being pointed at and jeered by the crowd.
After coming here, the things that had always been natural to her had turned into luxuries: a bedchamber untouched by drafts, quality meals, and the fine fragrant oils she had once used so casually whenever she bathed.
In Lopawell, she had to be content simply with being able to soak in hot water.
Only when the properly heated water had almost filled the wooden tub did Sienna finally shed the garments she wore and step inside.
As she immersed her whole body in the warm water, her heavy limbs felt noticeably lighter, yet her mood showed no sign of improving.
The lingering traces of her dream still tormented her in silence. But now, she did not even feel the need to deliberately redirect her thoughts.
She was already so exhausted, and the pain remained. Because of that, everything was simply a chore. Hugging both knees to her chest, Sienna drifted blankly amid an endless expanse of thought.
She endlessly revisited the past—how small Soliet’s frame had been, how it had felt to hold the child in her arms.
She only came to her senses when the bathwater had nearly grown cold. Turning her back to step out of the tub, Sienna only then remembered that she had left her fresh clothes and towel on the shelf outside the door.
Deep dismay swept across her face. Tilted slightly, her head peered through the crack of the ajar door, but there was no one to be seen.
‘Now what do I do?’
Should she fetch them quickly while no one was around? Just as she was pondering this—
All at once, the shadow of a tall figure was cast through the gap in the door. Relief washed over Sienna’s face.
The male priests at the monastery were not particularly tall. Furthermore, the soldiers were quartered in the building on the exact opposite side.
‘Did the priestess call him?’
Thus, from the shadow reflected on the door alone, the owner’s identity was unmistakable. Without a shred of doubt, Sienna hastily called out to him.
“Theo!”
The turning figure stopped. Fearing he might not have heard properly, Sienna called out urgently.
“Theodore. Are you there?”
* * *
A month passed swiftly. As expected, it was more than enough time for the wounded soldiers to receive proper care and gradually recover.
So thoroughly did Declan avoid encountering her that the resolute determination he had made upon first setting foot here seemed almost foolish.
It was clearly something he ought to consider fortunate, yet somehow he did not feel as pleased as he had thought he would.
Ever since arriving at the monastery, his eyes had unconsciously been searching for a familiar face. Whenever he crossed paths with the black-haired priestesses, stopping in his tracks without realizing it had become a common occurrence.
Even on his last day here, it was no different. Though he would finally be leaving this wretched place when the sun rose tomorrow, sleep simply would not come.
In the dawn hours when everyone had retired to bed, only the crisp rustle of his own footsteps over the dirt echoed in his ears. It was a noise that sounded somehow terribly empty.
The night sky stretched above, so clear that it was hard to believe a torrential rain had poured earlier. Gazing blankly up at the sky where the moon shone bright, Declan began walking without any clear destination.
Even as he wandered aimlessly, futile thoughts continued to churn in his head. Most of them concerned a past that could never be undone, making it foolish beyond doubt.
As he rounded a corner of the corridor framed by arched pillars, a faint, amber glow was leaking through the gap of a door set along the pitch-black path. The moment he noticed it, he stopped in his tracks.
Lifting his head slightly, he saw a red banner wedged high in a fissure of the stone wall. It was a marker signifying the quarters where the priestesses resided. Having walked wherever his feet led him without thought, he seemed to have ended up on the exact opposite side of his own lodgings.
‘I must be out of my mind.’
Declan shook his head, his face disgusted with himself. It was just as he was belatedly about to turn back.
“Theo.”
At the voice that faintly drifted out from within, he reflexively froze. The tone, not particularly high for a woman, was all too familiar.
Even before he could mull it over, the voice floated out once more.
“Theodore. Are you there?”
A familiar voice looking for Theodore Monches from the priestesses’ quarters. The moment he realized whose it was, the thoughts that had crowded his mind instantly turned blank.
Though he knew he ought to walk past, he remained rooted to the spot, stiff as a stone statue.
“I forgot and left my clean clothes on the shelf outside before coming in. If you are there, please bring them to me.”
Only when he saw the sultry steam seeping through the gap in the door did Declan realize it was a bathhouse. His gaze flicked toward the wooden shelf beside the entrance.
Seeing the clothes and towel stacked neatly on the shelf, they seemed to be what she was looking for. Right then, an ominous, intermittent cough broke out from inside the bathhouse.
Only then did Declan recall that she had suffered from a severe fever until recently. Swearing under his breath, he picked up the towel and clothes from the shelf.
Opening the door, a wave of warm heat washed over him. The first thing that caught his eye in the thick, humid air was a shadow cast against the screen. Though it was merely a silhouette rather than her actual form, he froze stiff on the spot.
Was it because of the stiflingly damp air? Breathing proved difficult. As he stood frozen like a stone, a slender arm reached out toward him from beside the screen.
“So sluggish. Bring it quickly, I said.”
She twitched her fingers as if growing impatient. As he handed over what he was holding with sluggish movements, she turned her head irritably.
She saw that the shadow beyond the screen was standing some distance away, unmoving. Furrowing her brow, Sienna peeked her head around the side of the screen.
“Why are you so la—”
Her blue eyes finally met his gaze. Only then did Declan look upon her full face. Her large eyes blinked a few times, and she drew in a short breath. Soon after, the color completely drained from her face.