Chapter 60
Vanessa did not immediately yield to the temptation as she usually did. Her cheeks were flushed a frantic crimson and she gnawed at her reddened lips, but the eyes gazing straight at him were clearer than ever.
“River Ross.”
The corners of his mouth quirked upward. Even without her addressing him so formally, he knew she wanted to call out to him.
“Are you angry?”
The sudden, piercing question left Theodore momentarily speechless. Then, he couldn’t help but let out a low chuckle. She was a woman who showed unexpected depth and insight at every turn. By now, it was almost admirable.
And yet, was he? Was he angry? He wasn’t sure. He was simply a little frustrated with the situation. According to his original plan, he hadn’t intended to appear before Vanessa today at all.
Had he not prepared all sorts of safeguards to act in his stead? The necklace, the sailors following at a fixed distance, the crew members stationed everywhere her gaze might fall, and the minor effort of moving her to a spacious, comfortable cabin….
That should have been enough. It was more than enough preparation for just one woman, especially since he was attending this event as a mere sailor.
The invitation sent to the Duke of Battenberg had been officially and politely declined. Naturally, his name wasn’t even on the passenger list, which meant the King didn’t even have to bother participating in the departure ceremony—clinging to the strange bit of etiquette that the King could not attend an event where the Duke had declined.
Considering how much the King had looked forward to boarding the Bellus, the largest ship on the continent, it was a staggering display of stubbornness. However, considering the trouble and discomfort the King’s presence would have caused, it was actually for the best as far as Theodore was concerned.
The reason he had boarded this ship under a hidden identity was neither for Vanessa nor for a display of honor; it was solely for business and political purposes.
It was a gathering of all the influential families in Ingram. The opportunity to handle all the business that had been restricted while he was stuck in Gloucester in one place did not come easily. He had to use every second as if it were an hour, and if everything had gone according to plan, he should have been in a private room with the Prime Minister right now.
And yet, as if he had accidentally let go of a lifeline, he had been unable to turn away from that face, which had turned white with fear.
‘Ridiculous.’
Sometimes, his gaze drifted toward her without him even realizing it. He watched her wandering around the third-class deck, unaware she could be seen from the upper deck; he saw her refusing all sorts of fine delicacies in favor of some random snacks; he watched her crouching on the dirty floor to help a maid.
Every time he checked on her between conversations with members of Parliament, she was that busy. Considering she hadn’t even known he was watching her, her mention of Logan Dawson suggested she was remarkably quick-witted in her own way.
“Perhaps.”
At his affirmation, which came after a long silence and deep thought, the woman’s cheeks flushed even deeper. Not a single gas lamp was lit; the only light in the dark room was the moonlight streaming through the open porthole. That pale light slanted across their shoulders.
“Was it because you were worried about me?”
“Worried?”
He slowly bent down to gather the crumpled papers scattered on the floor. After glancing at the will for a moment, he slowly folded the paper along its original creases. His movements as he placed it on the console were clean and efficient.
The woman, watching him as if etching the sight into her memory, suddenly blushed.
“If not, then never mind. It’s just that you’ve been acting so strange lately, it makes me misunderstand.”
“Strange?”
“I mean… because you keep looking at me with those eyes….”
“What kind of eyes?”
Vanessa didn’t answer right away. He took her chin in his large hand and tilted it up. Her light gray eyes, trembling like a pinned butterfly, stared blankly at him.
“To me, it feels like…”
Her voice was as soft as a whisper. As he leaned down to hear her better, their breaths drew close. Every time she opened her lips, the air vibrated softly. His every sense was focused entirely on this small woman.
Theodore’s right hand, which had been stroking Vanessa’s pale cheek, moved to wrap slowly around her neck, applying a light pressure. The delicate pulse thrumming against his palm was, as always, frantically fast. Just like every time he touched her, she couldn’t hide a single thing.
She was a woman who wouldn’t be able to put up a proper fight even if he crushed her throat right now. With such fragility, she fearlessly trusted people and placed no price on doing what she believed was right.
If he was angry, he was angry at that. Not because of some absurd rumor involving Logan Dawson. He was angry at her recklessness in risking her life over nothing, her naivety in sending letters to companies involved with gangs without knowing the danger, and her weakness—like a soft-born cub that didn’t even know how to show its claws.
“Ah….”
Vanessa’s breath hitched. It was as if she were remembering the time she had been pinned down by his entire body. The tips of her ears, peeking through her hair, were red. Even her trembling breaths were pretty and lovely. She was a woman who looked precious even to his eyes, which had grown up seeing all sorts of valuable things. Would it be any different in the eyes of others?
“Marriage is a bit much.”
There had been no bravado or exaggeration in those words he had spat in front of his cousin. That was an issue on which he could not compromise, even in moments when Vanessa felt just right.
The only time the Duke of Battenberg could acknowledge the existence of a mistress was when her name would not become a fatal weakness. He could not place a single person on the same level as his family line.
That was why this knowledge was all the more unnecessary. He wanted Vanessa to remain untarnished and clean, even after the tedious process and the inevitable finger-pointing of the world had passed. He wanted her to continue shining her curious eyes at everything in the world with that clear, innocent face. And he wanted her to be in that spot, unchanged, whenever he needed her.
Always, in that May garden.
“Tell me, Vanessa.”
“I feel like you’re starting to take our relationship… seriously now….”
He let out a low laugh. She was still a recklessly brave and romantic woman. Theodore slowly lowered his head and buried his forehead against the nape of Vanessa’s slender neck.
Was this love? He still didn’t know. He suspected it wasn’t. The love he knew, and the marriage that stemmed from it, was like stubbornly swallowing shards of broken glass. It was nothing short of a form of madness. All those destructive moments—the hatred and curses spat at each other like poison, the shattered furniture and mockery, the hysterical laughter and weeping, and the animalistic lust that followed some desperate plea.
Love was something that obsessed one so hideously. Even if it started out noble, the end was always similar. Either hating each other or being so sick of one another that they recoiled in disgust.
He could hardly imagine Vanessa doing such things to him. If so, then naturally, this wasn’t such a grand emotion for either of them, was it?
“I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”
His world was always divided by easy and simple logic: things that caught his interest and things that didn’t need it. Vanessa was both the former and the latter.
He was interested because she was unique, and she was gentle enough that he didn’t need to pour extraordinary attention into her. She was upright and fairly kind, like a tree that wouldn’t easily break. That was why he occasionally needed confirmation. Even though she was right before his eyes, within his reach.
He admitted it readily. He wanted all of this woman, so much so that it was hard to dress it up in any other words. Right here, right now.
“I want to, Vanessa.”
He kissed her white nape as if checking the collar he had placed on her. In truth, thought had been unnecessary from the start.
Summer wasn’t over yet, and the woman before him was captivating.
