Chapter 51
River Ross’s ‘trip’ was stretching on longer than expected. A full week had already passed since the date he promised to return, yet he was still nowhere to be seen. Every morning, Vanessa asked Mary if any letters had arrived for her, or she paced restlessly in front of the telephone, or scoured the newspapers to see if any accidents involving the Navy had been reported.
At first, she was simply upset that he had broken his promise. After about three days, worry took precedence. Once a week had passed, she resolved to adapt to a life without him.
Perhaps River Ross had no intention of returning at all. Just as soldiers who forget their lovers often do.
Vanessa picked up Dahlia, who was tugging at her hem to play, and headed down to the Rose Garden. Shrouded in dawn mist, the garden felt desolate yet fresh with a strange, eerie vitality. The heath bushes, which had grown knee-high in the meantime, vied to bloom with beautiful purple flowers, and waterbirds from the nearby river perched on the branches, chirping away.
As she picked up a couple of late-summer roses drooping with morning dew, Dahlia poked her damp nose in to sniff them and let out a sneeze.
Vanessa sat on the old chair placed next to the shed. She wondered if she might miraculously feel a presence if she came here, but it was a futile hope.
“Shall I let you down?”
Dahlia was squirming with her neck stretched out, having caught an interesting scent. Vanessa carefully set her on the ground. Watching her romp through the weeds and roll around, Vanessa figured the pup would be a happy ball of mud by noon.
As she watched Dahlia with amusement, the smile gradually faded from Vanessa’s face.
‘If he’s truly gone, did he take all his things?’
There were plenty of ways to find out if she wanted to. She only had to open the door to the shed. That would tell her if he had left for good or if he intended to come back.
River Ross always left the key to the shed hanging in the key box as if for all to see. It was as if he wouldn’t care if someone opened the door and made off with everything he owned. Vanessa stared at the key box with conflicted eyes before shaking her head.
‘He might still come back.’
If there was nothing left but ruins, she wouldn’t hesitate, but the inside of this shed was still River Ross’s private space. She couldn’t just barge in and rummage through it while he wasn’t around. Even between close people, etiquette and respect were necessary.
‘Maybe I just want to ignore the possibility. That River Ross might have left without a word.’
Vanessa swallowed the self-mockery that threatened to surface. At any rate, this pathetic sentimentality and escapism would end today.
If no word came by this evening—or at the latest, by sunrise tomorrow… Vanessa let out a deep sigh.
‘Then I’ll have to respect his wishes. It will mean he doesn’t want to see me anymore.’
Vanessa rested her elbow on the armrest and propped her chin in her hand. At the end of her distant gaze sat the white-painted shed. That space, which had been abandoned for a very long time, had undergone several renovations at River Ross’s hands and was now transformed into a fairly cozy hideout.
Buildings that aren’t frequented by people tend to age quickly. And Vanessa hoped this place would remain a warm space for a long time.
‘Once he’s gone, how about I turn the inside into a writing room?’
Even if the ending wasn’t ideal, the place itself was innocent. Vanessa even felt confident that she could continue to love. River Ross, the memories of her twenties, and the May garden…
She intended to reminisce here to her heart’s content. Longing for and liking someone in solitude was an act that harmed no one.
Woof! Woof woof!
Dahlia, who had been chasing grasshoppers, suddenly pricked up her ears and barked, standing tall. Then, she caught sight of her running bravely as if to drive away an intruder.
Vanessa kept her eyes fixed on her lap, waiting for the presence to draw closer or disappear entirely.
The sound of crunching footsteps stopped when a familiar pair of shoe tips appeared at the edge of her vision. Above them, a man’s long shadow fell over her like an awning, blocking the sun.
“Vanessa.”
It was a slow voice that sounded almost like an exclamation. The way River Ross called her name was unique to him. Blinking vacantly at the instantaneous rush of joy, Vanessa soon bit her lip hard.
“What are you doing out here at this hour?”
There was a faint trace of laughter in his voice. Even then, Vanessa kept her gaze fixed on the ground. She feared that if she met River Ross’s eyes, she would forget her anger and welcome him like a waiting dog.
She remained stubbornly silent before suddenly standing up from the chair. She quickened her pace to pass by River Ross. Within a few steps, her wrist was firmly caught.
“…Let go.”
Vanessa mumbled, her ears turning red. She didn’t want to see him right now. Not in this vulnerable state, unprepared both emotionally and in appearance. Who could have expected it? That he would appear through the mist on foot at this dawn hour when no cars were even running.
The thought that it might not be him had been something of a defense mechanism. The iron gate opening, the sound of a man’s boots, the presence drawing closer…
It would be a lie to say she hadn’t expected it at all, but the moment she heard his voice, all her preparations became useless. She didn’t want to look unsightly in front of him.
“Where are you going?”
“To my room… I left something behind.”
“You’ve been waiting all this time, and now you’re going to leave without even looking at me?”
“That’s… well, it’s like that, but for now, later…”
Vanessa glanced anxiously toward the garden entrance. She felt shabby in her thin, pilled shawl thrown over her chemise nightgown, her hair tied up messily, and her thick-rimmed glasses.
The more handsome he looked, the more gentlemanly he appeared, the worse she felt.
“I thought it would be good to see you.”
“……”
“But it’s even better than I thought.”
Vanessa stopped pulling at the wrist held by River Ross. The tension drained from her stiff body. All because of the words that he hadn’t forgotten to think of her while they were apart.
As if to maintain her last bit of pride, Vanessa turned her head away from his touch.
“…Why did you have to come back today of all days? You should have just come much later.”
If he had come yesterday, she would have been happy; if he had come tomorrow, she would have forgotten him forever. River Ross, mulling over her words, let out a short laugh, sensing the sharp resentment she couldn’t quite swallow.
“I’m glad I wasn’t too late, then.”
The man who answered that he was glad he wasn’t so late that she had completely let go of him was ridiculously charming. It was the moment the strength left the eyes that had been stubbornly staring at the ground. Her cheek was caught in his large hand, and her head was tilted slightly so she had to look at him.
When she squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to follow his lead, a brief warmth touched her forehead and then pulled away, accompanied by a laugh. It touched her eyelids, swollen from lack of sleep, the bridge of her small nose, and her lips, which had parted in a daze.
“……”
The moment they intertwined was as brief as a flash, and even then, it wasn’t deep. River Ross let her go simply.
“Your lips are cold, Vanessa.”
He even offered a casual assessment.
“Don’t stay out here like this; wait inside from now on. Even in summer, the temperature drops before the sun comes up.”
“…What if I break something important of yours while doing that?”
“Whatever is inside, you can dispose of it as you wish.”
He unlocked the padlock with the key from the box and went inside. Standing there in intense conflict, Vanessa eventually followed after River Ross.
River Ross placed the briefcase he had brought on the desk and moved back and forth across the long shed, opening curtains and windows. In the meantime, the sun had fully risen, casting a warm light into the cool space.
“……”
Dust motes floating in the air sparkled like gold dust in the light. Vanessa sat on a wooden chair and watched his back as he moved. During the week they were apart, it seemed as if God had sculpted that man in an even more perfect way.
Beauty, cool elegance, and the freshness unique to a young man coexisted harmoniously on his graceful face.
His supple thighs and well-developed muscular lines, which couldn’t be hidden even by his neat gentleman’s attire, were wild even in their movements.
He was a commoner more aristocratic than any noble. Looking at that impossible sight, the rumors the maids whispered behind her back suddenly came to mind.
