Translator: Nox

Chapter 32

“Don’t be angry.”

“…….”

“It’s a rare day out for us to enjoy ourselves. Even if we have to talk about this later, let’s not stay upset right now.”

Theodore slowly regulated his breathing. The sensation that had felt as heavy and tedious as a lead weight vanished without a trace the moment he looked at her face. It left him feeling almost hollow. Vanessa clearly had no idea what kind of expression she was wearing as she looked at him. Or perhaps she simply didn’t know her own face when she was in love.

The women he had known were always desperate to hide their emotions—whether through their expressions, actions, or words. They feared their love would become a weakness, or that he might think of them as ‘easy.’ Even if they were eventually found out, they tried to extract the highest price possible until then. To him, love was something that vulgar. And yet.

“Please? Hold my hand….”

As if holding hands were some great feat. Despite the various things they had already done together, the hand clutching his sleeve was trembling awkwardly.

If this entire display was a deception, a lie, then purity surely did not exist in this world.

“…….”

Half on impulse, he took her small hand in his. As he spread her slender fingers and interlaced his own larger ones between them, Vanessa slowly exhaled the breath she had been holding. Only then did a faint, relieved smile settle on the edges of her soft lips.

Vanessa’s quickened heartbeat was transmitted directly through their touching skin. It seemed she no longer had any intention of hiding her feelings. Theodore swallowed a laugh that rose ticklishly in his throat, not even realizing he was smiling. At this rate, the bet they had made at the start of summer was as good as won. Now, what should he demand as his prize…?

“Oh.”

As he indulged in idle thoughts for a moment, a short gasp came from beside him. Vanessa’s head was tilted back, her eyes sparkling with pure excitement.

The night sky was filled with sky lanterns released to promote the circus, the meager sparks of cheap firecrackers, and the scent of greasy food from street stalls. She wore a full smile on her flushed face, delighted by such trivial things.

“River, did you see? A butterfly-shaped firework just went off in the sky.”

“…Yes. I saw it.”

“Liar. You were just looking at my face.”

When he gave a noncommittal agreement, she shot back a cheeky response he hadn’t expected. He let out a soft chuckle. She was certainly a woman who revealed unexpected sides the longer he stayed by her side.

She would walk on eggshells if he so much as stiffened his expression, yet in some ways, she was stubbornly persistent to the point of foolishness. It was annoying yet endearing how she craved love and constantly read his cues.

She was poor but never lost her dignity; she believed justice still existed in the world; and though she appeared fragile, her inner spirit was not easily broken. Thus, he thought it would be better to focus on making her body accustomed to him rather than trying to persuade or understand her….

At the end of his usual train of thought, a strange sense of dissonance struck him. His feet, which had been walking forward out of habit, came to a complete stop.

‘What exactly am I hoping for?’

This summer was a fleeting dream that would never return. He couldn’t even hope for a future. Their relationship had been entangled in deception from the very beginning. Even if they were to meet again in society someday, they would both be in positions where they couldn’t even speak of this time.

“River?”

When her companion stopped, Vanessa, who had been walking half a step ahead, turned around. She stepped toward him and tilted her head. As she drew closer, the clean scent of soap wafted from her.

“What’s wrong?”

“…Just a moment.”

“Are you hurt?”

The moment he met those eyes looking up at him expectantly, all thoughts of dissonance vanished, replaced instantly by a dull, throbbing ache in his groin. He swallowed a groan and rubbed his face with a dry palm. This was the consequence of living without much restraint lately.

The past where he had mocked men who brought gold to their lovers just to get them back into bed came back to haunt him. His act of buying out an entire dress shop for Vanessa was likely no better than that….

It was while he was floundering in a swamp of self-loathing that the grip on her hand loosened.

“Oh my goodness, River. Look over there.”

Her voice was innocent, as if his internal turmoil had nothing to do with her.

“Kittens. Oh, the poor things, they brought such tiny ones to sell….”

Her voice was already half-enchanted. Vanessa let go of his hand and hurried toward a vendor who had a box full of kittens. Forgetting she was wearing new clothes, she abruptly crouched down and picked up a scrawny white kitten.

While she lamented that the kitten had been separated from its mother, her face looked ready to melt because the creature was so cute.

For a moment, he thought about taking her to the nearest hotel and making her cry wretchedly.

“…….”

He covered his mouth with his large hand and slowly steadied his tangled breath. He needed to calm down. This outing had been his suggestion to change the mood. They were civilized people, and no matter how much their relationship was based on physical intimacy without emotion, they couldn’t just spend the entire summer mating like animals in a warehouse.

Nevertheless, he regretted not doing just that. Unaware of the base thoughts swirling within him, Vanessa turned back to him with a bright smile, cradling the scruffy kitten.

“…….”

As he stared at her blankly for a moment, a group of people moving long iron ladders and stage equipment for the play blocked her from his sight. His throat went dry the instant she disappeared. Just as he was about to hurry toward her, someone called out to him from the crowd.

“Captain?”

Theodore turned his head reflexively before realizing his mistake. A well-dressed gentleman in a fedora was hesitating a few steps away. The man’s uncertain face turned into one of conviction upon seeing him clearly. He snapped to attention and offered a sharp salute.

“Good heavens! I heard you were spending your leave in the south, but I never expected to run into you here! It is an honor to meet you!”

“Do you know me?”

“I-I am Second Lieutenant Campbell of the 4th Battalion. Please, sir, there’s no need for such formalities with me!”

“I’m afraid you have me confused with someone else.”

Theodore cut off the man’s rambling greeting. Even without this, the subtle glances he had been receiving from all directions had become more blatant with the man’s appearance.

The man now looked utterly confused. Theodore felt the need to settle the situation more firmly.

“I am Sergeant Ross.”

“Pardon?”

The man tilted his head, bewildered. Theodore glanced anxiously toward where Vanessa had been crouching. He could see nothing through the crowd of people flocking toward the circus announcement.

“I must be going.”

With those words, Theodore gave a hand signal: ‘Maintain course without lights.’ It was a signal more commonly used to mean ‘keep what happened here a secret’ than its original nautical meaning.

“Ah!”

At that moment, the man let out an awkward groan as if he had realized something and clumsily lowered his salute. He then began to mutter stiffly in an unnatural voice, as if reading from a script.

“Oh dear, I… it seems I made… a grave mistake. I was confused.”

“I understand.”

“Then… I shall, uh… be on my way.”

The man turned pale and began to sweat profusely, eventually leaning on his companion’s arm as he hurried away. Theodore narrowed his eyes, watching them go for a moment. Then, he heard Vanessa’s startled gasp.

He immediately pushed through the crowd and hurried toward her. The kitten vendor was nowhere to be seen, and the woman, left standing alone in his place, lowered the hand that had been covering her mouth when she saw him.

“River….”

Her small face was deathly pale and contorted with distress.