Ch#103
Chapter 103"Do you think this could have been possible through my efforts alone? It was all thanks to Barbara, of course, and everyone in House Criserus helping out."
"Such humility. But in front of Count Criserus, show a bit of your hard work. He won't notice otherwise—he's that oblivious."
Edel let out a soft chuckle at those words.
"It's the opposite, actually. Count Criserus keeps shoving excessive rewards on me, leaving me at a loss."
"Excessive rewards? You're not undervaluing yourself, are you, Edel?"
"No, really."
To the skeptical Barbara, Edel recounted everything Laslo had given her so far—and tried to give her.
Things like the blank check thrust upon her out of nowhere, the overflowing salary, the preferential treatment, and the excessively expensive earrings.
But Barbara's furrowed brow, which had gradually relaxed, tightened sharply again at the mention of the earrings.
"Earrings, you say? So he gave you jewelry?"
"He said he bought it as a substitute since I wouldn't take the money. I was so shocked..."
".........Let me see that item. Make sure he didn't get it cheap from somewhere."
To dispel Barbara's persistent distrust of Laslo to the end, Edel gladly fetched and showed her the earrings.
And Barbara quickly realized they were no ordinary pieces.
"Honestly, I have no idea when he expected me to wear such large diamond earrings."
As Edel shook her head with a laugh, Barbara's expression grew somewhat serious.
"This is too much to call mere compensation for hard work..."
"That's why I told you. He overestimates me."
"Hmm. To be frank...... it feels a bit different from that."
"Pardon? What do you mean...?"
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Barbara tore her gaze from the sparkling diamond earrings and looked at the innocently tilting Edel.
"Edel. Suppose this happened to someone else. If a female servant received expensive jewelry from the male head of the house, what would you think?"
Edel's face gradually hardened at those words.
"W-well, but Count Criserus wouldn't have given it with those intentions. He was probably buying something for Miss Linia and it caught his eye... Ah, and he said if I didn't need it, I could sell it! He must have chosen something liquid. Since he kept trying to give me money."
Barbara nodded with a faint smile, not pressing the flustered Edel further.
"Right, that could be. It's not public knowledge, so no strange rumors will spread...... Anyway, you weren't displeased when you received this gift?"
"Of course not. I was just grateful that he thought so highly of me. And sorry too."
Edel seemed not to suspect Laslo at all, but honestly, Barbara believed there was some meaning behind the gift from Laslo. Even if Laslo himself was unaware.
*They say a man gifting jewelry to a woman usually reveals possessiveness.
Still, there was no need to confuse Edel with such talk now. Having broached the topic this far, Edel could judge for herself going forward.
More than that, another worry came to mind.
"Edel. This is a bit of a different matter, but..."
"Yes, go ahead."
"You're still young. Frankly, I still haven't found a girl in society more beautiful or wise than you."
"You're too kind. I'm already twenty-five."
Twenty-five, yet she had eyes far deeper than her age, exuding a mature aura. But her still-white, soft skin, impeccable poise, straight back, and slender figure made her look even younger.
Barbara gazed at the still-radiantly shining Edel and said,
"Don't talk like an eighty-year-old. Twenty-five is an age where you can try anything. I want you to enjoy your life more from now on. Fall in love, travel, dance, sing..."
Edel knew Barbara was sincere. But in her current situation, all those things were difficult.
Nicely put, she was House Criserus's steward, but in reality, her status was that of a captive under Laslo. Edel had never forgotten that fact for a single moment.
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She didn't want to argue with Barbara's words, but nor did she want to give a meaningless response just to satisfy her right now.
"From my position, these aren't easy things. Not that I'm unhappy. Truthfully, I couldn't ask for more than living like this."
"I'll make sure that 'captive' status of yours disappears. So don't worry."
"Thank you even for saying so. If that happens, I could probably sing and dance. And maybe even travel someday."
Edel answered with a dreamy expression, but Barbara wasn't satisfied.
"Why stop there? You can fall in love too! If you want, you could even marry."
"Pardon? Me?"
Edel blinked in slight surprise, then smiled as if at a bland joke, lowering her brows.
"That's impossible for me, as you know."
"Why is it impossible? Because you've already married once?"
"Because that one time happened to be...... Duke Lancaster."
Edel's smile grew as desolate as a late autumn evening glow. Thus, Barbara pressed harder.
"None of that was your fault. A man who understands and embraces that fact will surely appear, and if you wish, you can build a happy family."
Barbara's gaze was unwavering, as if declaring faith in God.
Yet Edel couldn't help averting her eyes from that gaze.
*My happiness couldn't possibly be that great.*
Being loved wholly. And giving such love in return.
She had longed for such a relationship since childhood. She hadn't even dared dream of romance novel tales. She just hoped for it within a family, for at least one place to attach her heart.
"Edel."
Barbara tightly grasped Edel's hand, lost in thought.
.
"Believe me. Your situation will get much better than now."
True to Laslo's promise, once the day came to receive Edel formally, Barbara intended to restore her status by any means. And she'd already prepared to bequeath part of her own fortune to Edel, so her voice brimmed with confidence.
The only不安 one was Edel herself.
"So, Edel, don't close the door to your heart. Don't block happiness from entering. I know you're scared and weary from past wounds, but turning away from happiness out of fear is foolish."
Only then did Edel realize she feared happiness itself.
On reflection, she'd felt anxiety at every thread of potential happiness.
She hadn't fully opened her heart to those approaching warmly, and even with savings piling up, she hadn't bought better clothes or shoes.
She was simply living within her small sphere, just working. As if that were more comfortable.
"Barbara. For me...... this is fine."
"Edel!"
"I'm scared. Scared that if I greedily reach for happiness beyond my station, I'll lose even this hard-won peace. That's my true fear."
Edel squeezed her eyes shut.
She understood Barbara's words, but Edel—barely saved from hell's doorstep—knew well how miraculous this peace she now enjoyed was.
Thus, she didn't want to lose this.
"This is...... my final greed. I won't ask for more, so please let me live like this...... I pray to Para every night."
"Of course, even this position has no guarantee of eternity. But that's fine. I just want to...... breathe quietly, as if present yet absent, and vanish someday."
Edel's face, upon reopening her eyes, had lost all prior agitation. Only a serene smile remained.
Then, Barbara's face—filled with pity until then—twisted frighteningly.
"Edel! Get a grip!"
Her voice was firmer than ever before.
"You're drowning in self-pity right now. Acting like you're some tragic heroine?"
"Barbara......? No, that's not it......!"
"If not, then why treat your own life so half-heartedly, like someone else's? You are the greatest responsible party in your life! How can you be so irresponsible?"
Edel was quite flustered by Barbara's outburst. It was the first time she'd seen her like this.
But no rebuttal or excuse came to mind against Barbara's words.
"Count Criserus praised you as someone with a sense of responsibility he could entrust his house to, someone he could give his secret safe to—all empty words! How can someone who's given up on their own life take responsibility for another's house? You're thinking 'if I die, oh well' anyway, right?"
Each of Barbara's words stabbed painfully at Edel.
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