Chapter 36
#036. It's Not Your Fault
It was her first time being alone in an unfamiliar room. Esella suppressed her uneasy feelings and clasped her hands together. The Pink Diamond Necklace she was clutching felt colder than usual today.
Her throat was parched. She wanted to drink some warm tea. The tea that the stern-looking butler had brought was already long cold.
It seemed like quite some time had passed since she arrived here, but the door showed no sign of opening.
Esella, who was unknowingly looking at the door with anticipation, suddenly recalled a cold voice in her head.
"I'll let you in if you're confident you won't expect anything."
That was right. Yet, Esella kept looking at the door. Esella lowered her head again.
Don't expect anything. Just being allowed to enter this place was more than she deserved. So, don't expect to see her sister.
Esella continued to mull over the Grand Duke's words.
As darkness began to settle, Esella, with the help of Veronia and Sally, escaped Madeleine Manor and arrived at Grand Duke Vikander's Residence. There was no way to enter the tightly closed Grand Duke's Residence. She could only wait for her sister, who was said to be out.
The dim sky was turning dark. When a carriage stopped in front of the gate, that cold voice poured down on Esella.
In the window of the carriage, which she looked up at absentmindedly, Grand Duke Bikander was reflected.
A breathtakingly beautiful man. At the same time, a man so chilling that it was hard to believe he was human.
If it were the usual Esella, she would have frozen stiff. But what courage was it? Esella gripped the Pink Diamond Necklace in her hand tightly and spoke to the Grand Duke.
"…E, Esella Madeleine greets the great hero, Grand Duke Bikander. Please just tell my sister that I've come."
Where had the education to always maintain elegance and composure gone? The voice coming from Esella's mouth trembled terribly.
No sooner had Esella finished speaking than the Grand Duke twisted one corner of his lips into a smile. The red eyes looking at her flashed eerily. The energy that pressed down on her fiercely made Esella step back involuntarily.
"If you're going to keep saying such foolish things, just kick her out."
That was the end of it. Before Esella could say anything more, the gate opened and the carriage drove away. A nonchalant voice was heard from behind.
"What would you like to do?"
A brown-haired Knight who had dismounted from his horse looked at her and asked. Esella, feeling much more comfortable with the energy of the Knight than with the Grand Duke who had made her freeze, spoke cautiously.
"I came to see my sister. Could you please tell her that I've come?"
Today might be her last chance. Since she had come out like this secretly, she might have to stay at home from now on. She had to see her sister and tell her everything.
But contrary to Esella's firm heart, the brown-haired Knight stared at her intently and said bluntly.
"Is it really necessary to inform Miss Olivia that the Duchess has arrived?"
"Yes? What do you mean…"
Miss? Her sister was Duchess Madeleine.
Before she could point out the incorrect title, the brown-haired Knight continued in a monotone voice.
"If Miss knew that the Duchess had come, she would surely try to meet her."
"Then why!"
"Because Miss is kind. Knowing that, the Duchess came without considering Miss and barged in."
For a moment, Esella felt as if she had been struck in the back of the head. What did he know to be so rude when he was a stranger? Esella wanted to burst out in anger right away, but her lips trembled.
Esella just wanted to apologize to her sister. Because she had really done so many things wrong until now. She wanted to cry and beg her sister for forgiveness.
"Just the fact that the Duchess has come here narrows Miss's options. Apart from deciding whether to see her or not, she has to decide whether to see her 'right now'."
But she didn't know that even coming to see her sister without asking if she wanted to see her would be wrong. There was not even a hint of reproach in the Knight's voice, which spoke only the facts calmly.
It was a part she had never even considered while coming to apologize. Whether her sister wanted to see her or not. Whether it was right now or not. Things like that.
How could a stranger think more about her sister? More than her, who was family.
Esella's head drooped. The Knight, who was watching her, slowly asked again.
"…Don't even expect Miss to come out. If you don't, you can at least have some tea before you leave. What would you like to do?"
There was only one answer Esella could give. Esella nodded weakly.
"…I will."
.
.
.
Esella looked at the door several times. The tightly closed door remained as if it had never been opened in the first place. Disappointment piled up, but every time, Esella muttered to herself.
You came in deciding not to expect anything. Your sister might not come.
The assumption that had weighed heavily on her heart was gradually becoming a reality.
Esella gently wrapped her palm around the cold teacup. The cold feeling rather soothed her heart. That's right. After all, even if she had met her sister now, she wouldn't have been able to say anything properly.
She would have only been able to say she was sorry.
She was sorry for saying things she shouldn't have said to her sister, she was sorry for blaming her sister for their mother's death, she was sorry for not stopping her father and brothers from treating her sister carelessly.
Even for going to play with her sister every day, knowing that her sister would be scolded afterward.
Even for waiting for her sister below the attic on the fourth floor.
Suddenly, Esella's eyes widened. The strength left the hand holding the teacup.
At that time, her sister was only eight years old. Old enough to be afraid of ghosts. Even she was uneasy in this unfamiliar room now. Why hadn't she ever thought that her sister would be afraid of ghosts?
Her sister's face came to her mind. The face that was always smiling from a step back.
How could her sister always have a smiling face? If it was because she was used to not showing her hardship…
How many things that she had carelessly overlooked had hurt her sister?
It felt like the inside of her throat was being scratched by something sharp. The tip of her nose tingled and felt stuffy. She couldn't cry here alone in the Grand Duke's Residence like a fool.
Esella hurriedly got up from her seat. She didn't have the face to see her sister today.
Later, she had to come again later. She had to write a letter that truly thought of her sister, instead of the shallow apology she had thought of.
It was the moment Esella approached the door. At the same time as the door opened, a familiar face came in.
"O, Olivia."
"…Esella."
The person who widened her pretty green eyes as if she couldn't believe it was Olivia. The thought that this might be her last chance flashed through her mind, and Esella's mouth opened.
"Sister, I, you know. I have so many things I'm sorry for. Even coming here like this."
Her voice trembled so much that it was unsightly. It was so disorganized that she herself didn't even know what she was saying.
Olivia looked at her without saying anything. It was the first time she had seen such an unreadable expression, and Esella was suddenly frightened.
As if her sister would turn around and leave at any moment. Esella's heart sank. So, without even organizing her thoughts, she started saying what she wanted to say.
"…I came to apologize to you, sister. I'm sorry for coming so suddenly. But no matter how I think about it, I shouldn't have said those things to you."
Esella squeezed her eyes shut. The words she had said were jumbled in her head.
"Was it really because of you, sister…? That our mother died?"
"Don't touch me! You're dirty!"
"It was because of you, sister. That Mom suddenly disappeared. It was all because of you!"
She had criticized her carelessly, judged her carelessly. How could she say such things to her sister?
"…I shouldn't have overlooked what Father and my brothers were doing to you."
What if she had taken her sister's side even once? What if she had gone to Veronia's tea party with her sister? What if she had taken the juice to her father instead every time her father pretended not to see her sister's juice?
The past events shattered like glass shards and pierced her heart. Irreversible things surged up.
"…It shouldn't have been you who had a hard time in the Imperial Palace instead of me."
"…"
"…It shouldn't have been only you who was in the scary attic on the fourth floor."
The more she spoke, the less she could open her eyes and look at her sister's face. Esella's voice became increasingly weak.
She shouldn't cry. She still had so much to say.
Suddenly, Esella opened her eyes. If this was the last time, she wanted to see her sister's face at least. The moment she raised her head and faced Olivia, Esella couldn't think of anything.
The last time she saw her sister's face, it was pale white. But now, her sister was sparkling the most beautifully she had ever seen her.
As if being here was the most comfortable thing.
And as soon as she realized that fact, Esella bit her lip. She bit it really hard, but it didn't hurt. Esella muttered.
"…Ah, what do I do."
It was a sigh full of trembling, as if she didn't know what to do. Esella's nose turned red, and soon, transparent tears began to well up in her purple amethyst eyes.
"I'm sorry, sister. I'm really, really sorry."
Esella sobbed and pulled at the sleeve of her dress to wipe her face. Olivia, who had been staring blankly at Esella, grabbing Esella's arm was not just an impulse.
When Esella looked at Olivia with a surprised face, Olivia's confused heart was finally a little organized.
She couldn't understand everything Esella was saying.
Olivia slowly raised her finger. And flicked Esella's round, pretty forehead.
"Ah!"
The sudden flick stopped Esella from crying, and she looked up at Olivia. Olivia deliberately made a stern face.
"That's really your fault, Esella."
She was very, very upset. Esella's words had been bothering her for a long time, but Olivia tried hard to suppress them. Even Esella's attitude of not listening to her.
It seemed Esella was reminded of that time as well. Tears welled up in Esella's eyes again.
"But, the other things."
Olivia paused. Besides what Esella had said to her, the things Esella had apologized for.
"The other things, they're not your fault, Esella."
"No. That's all..."
Esella shook her head and spoke again. Olivia gently took Esella's shoulders. Esella's body was hot, perhaps from crying. Just like when she was little. That's why Olivia could say it even more clearly.
"Esella, it's not your fault."
"This isn't your fault, kid."
The Duke Madeleine's wife came to Olivia's mind over Esella's face.
A kind, good, and endlessly elegant person. Even with a face full of tears, she never blamed Olivia.
Growing up, she realized how difficult it must have been to blame her husband, Duke Madeleine, instead of her, whom she could have blamed most easily.
It would be a lie to say that she didn't resent Esella. But at least, she didn't want to put all the blame on Esella.
Because the Duchess had taught her that way.
So, the Duke hating her, Conrad and Jade despising her, being in the scary attic on the fourth floor.
"You apologized for what you said, so it's okay."
Everything was the Duke's fault, and Conrad and Jade's fault.
"So don't cry."
She told her not to cry. As soon as she heard those words, Esella started crying even harder. Tears continued to flow down her round face. Her head would hurt if she cried like that.
Olivia reflexively reached out to wipe away the tears but stopped. She hadn't embraced Esella in a very long time. She thought she shouldn't approach Esella.
But not anymore. Olivia awkwardly patted her shoulder. Once, twice. Esella's eyes widened.
Suddenly, Esella hugged Olivia. An unfamiliar warmth enveloped Olivia, and at the same time, Esella, who was crying, patted her back.
She always thought of her as just a child, but Esella's embrace was warm.
This touch that patted her was awkward.
Olivia unknowingly hugged Esella back. When the warm heat spread from the center of her palm to the outside for the first time in a long time.
Olivia's face began to get as wet as Esella's.
