Chapter 3
#003. If Only It Weren't For You
Everything changed. The nanny didn't come back, and she always ate bread and meat, fresh vegetables, and fruit. Her closet was full of bright dresses. But what changed the most was…
“Sis…ter?”
Little Esella, smelling of milk, was by her side. She had never seen such a lovely being in the world. She was a girl with pretty silver hair neatly combed. The Duchess gently touched her apple-red cheeks and said kindly.
“Yes. This is Olivia, your older sister. This is Esella.”
Esella, who was three years old, was so pretty that she looked like an angel who would melt away if touched.
“Like an an…gel.”
“Esella. Olivia says you're an angel.”
Esella smiled brightly. Olivia, who was watching the scene in awe, murmured blankly.
“Esella, Milady.”
“Hmm?”
The Duchess frowned slightly.
“Call her Esella. After all, you two will be sisters.”
“But, the nanny told me to call her Milady.”
“That nanny gave you the wrong information.”
How dare she call such a pretty child by her name? But the Duchess was nodding sincerely. Olivia called her name very softly.
“E…sella.”
Esella smiled brightly as if she understood her name. She felt strange. Just a few days ago, she thought she shouldn't have come here, but now she was so happy. The Duchess also showed her a portrait. It was a portrait of two angelic boys standing side by side.
“The older one is 11-year-old Conrad. The younger one is 8-year-old Jade. You can call them 'older brother' like Esella does. Conrad is at the academy, and Jade will be back soon.”
No sooner had the Duchess finished speaking than a clear boy's voice rang out in the mansion.
“Mom!”
“Jade?”
The Duchess, still holding Esella, jumped up and left the room. Olivia hesitated for a moment and followed her. A boy who had run up the stairs hugged the Duchess's skirt tightly.
“Jade. My baby. Did you have fun?”
“Tch. You suddenly sent me to Grandma's house. I hate you, Mom.”
“I'm sorry, baby. But you missed Mom, didn't you?”
“……Yeah.”
The silver-haired boy smiled bashfully. Olivia's heart fluttered. The Duchess and the boy looked just like her mother and her a few months ago.
“But who's that?”
The boy looked at Olivia. Ah, um. The Duchess hesitated for a moment, then smiled brightly.
“Jade. This is Olivia. …Your younger sister.”
“Younger sister? Besides Esella? But she's bigger than Esella?”
“Yes. She's six years old.”
Jade smiled brightly at Olivia without any suspicion. Olivia thought that was only natural. But Conrad was not. * * *
“She's not my sister.”
The 11-year-old boy, taller than his peers and with a cool gaze, said sharply. With one cold word, Olivia was pushed back outside the line.
“Conrad.”
“She's not my sister, she's a dirty…”
“Conrad!”
Olivia flinched at the strong voice. But Conrad glared at Olivia with eyes that didn't seem like a child's.
“……Olivia. Would you mind stepping out for a moment?”
“……Yes.”
When she came out of the Duchess's room, Jade asked curiously.
“Do you have something on you?”
“No…?”
“Then why did my brother call you dirty?”
Olivia couldn't answer. * * * It was one day. The Duchess said she was going out for the first time in a while. After kissing the cheeks of the children lined up from Conrad to Esella, the Duchess hesitated for a moment when she saw Olivia. Olivia had sparkling expectations. Maybe. But the Duchess stroked Olivia's hair. Jade, who was watching the scene, asked innocently.
“Why doesn't she kiss Olivia?”
“Yeah.”
Esella chimed in. Jade tilted his head.
“Olivia also calls Mom 'Duchess'. And you said she's my sister?”
The Duchess, who was smiling faintly, stroked Olivia's hair once more.
“……Because I'm not her mother.”
“Huh?”
“Never mind. Mom's going now.”
“Okay! Have a good trip!”
Conrad glared at her, but Olivia was still happy. . . .
“Ta-da! I wrote a fairy tale for you. It took me a whole week.”
It was the first day the Duchess had left the mansion. Jade, holding up a sketchbook, boasted. He had been secretly drawing something for days. Underneath the crooked letters were pretty princesses.
“This is Esella. The Amethyst Princess. And this is Olivia.”
Jade smiled brightly and pointed to Olivia's eyes.
“Olivia is the Emerald Princess.”
At those words, Olivia's heart swelled and she cried. Jade was flustered, but she couldn't stop crying. Esella cried without knowing why.
“Sister, don't cry. Waaah.”
“Hey. Don't all cry. Waaah.”
When Jade hugged Olivia and Esella while sobbing. Olivia realized that she was no longer alone in the warm warmth. She thought everything would be fine if she had the prettiest Esella and Jade in the world, and the Duchess. But the happiness was only temporary.
“It's all, all because of you!”
It was when she was playing drawing games with Esella. Conrad, who suddenly ran over, pushed Olivia hard. Olivia, who was pushed off balance, fell. Esella burst into tears, but Conrad didn't comfort Esella. He couldn't comfort her. Because Conrad was also crying. Conrad, who still looked like a boy, cried and shouted.
“If only you hadn't come! If only you weren't here! Our mom!”
There was lightning. It was a rainy day. The Duchess's carriage, returning from her parents' home, the Marquess of Haelquin's residence, had overturned. The reason she went to her parents' house was because of her divorce from the Duke. * * * It was not long after the Duchess's funeral. Esella, who had been smiling brightly throughout the rainy funeral, seemed to notice something was wrong and looked for her mother. No matter how much the nanny and maids comforted Esella, it was no use.
“Where's Mom?”
Esella, blinking her big eyes anxiously, began to cry. Olivia, who was watching the scene through the open door, slipped in quietly.
“Sister!”
Tears welled up in Esella's big eyes when she found Olivia.
“Mommy's not coming. I miss Mommy.”
Looking at Esella crying, Olivia suddenly remembered herself from a few weeks ago. Even if she looked for her mother, her mother wouldn't come. Even though she knew that, Olivia herself missed her mother every night. Olivia didn't say anything and held Esella's hand tightly. Only then did Esella stop looking for her mother. The nanny and maids, who were trying to kick Olivia out quickly, couldn't say anything. After that, Esella often fell ill.
“Mommy, Mommy.”
Her angelic face was flushed with fever as she looked for her mother. But no matter how much she called, the Duchess didn't appear, saying, "Esella, my baby." Esella kept looking for her mother and eventually bit her lip and shed tears silently. Even six-year-old Olivia knew what it meant to have her heart ache. But she couldn't ask anyone for help. Jade had gone to the Duchess's parents' house, and Conrad had closed his door and wasn't talking to anyone. And the Duke was nowhere to be seen. On the large bed, Esella was breathing heavily. There was a sweet, milky smell mixed with the salty smell of tears. Esella, feeling her gaze, slowly met her eyes. Her pretty purple eyes were filled with tears.
“Sister, Mommy's, not coming.”
Her young voice was dejected. Olivia eventually bit her lip. What should she say to make this child smile? Looking at her face filled with tears, the only words that came to mind were the words Olivia had heard most often from her nanny.
“Your existence itself is tormenting the Madeleine family.”
“……I'm sorry.”
“Huh?”
Esella asked back as if she hadn't heard her small voice. Seeing her two eyes blinking weakly, Olivia kept tearing up.
“Sis…ter, I'm sor…”
It was then. The door burst open. Olivia, startled, looked at the door, and the Duke, with a fierce momentum, was striding in. She had never seen such a scary face. Olivia, frightened, unconsciously held Esella's hand tightly. The Duke, looking at Olivia with eyes that seemed to devour her, roughly grabbed Olivia.
“Ah!”
Esella, who was pulled along for a moment, made a painful sound. Olivia quickly let go of Esella's hand and looked back again. Esella, startled, began to cry loudly. Her wrist hurt as if it would fall off. Olivia looked at the maids and the butler as if asking for help, but no one stopped the Duke.
“Miss. Please don't cry.”
“Papa, Sister! Sister!”
The nanny tried to soothe Esella, who seemed flustered, but Esella didn't stop crying. Olivia reached out towards Esella, who was looking at her and crying sadly. She needed to go to Esella quickly. Olivia, who was dragged out of the room, struggled.
“Let me go! I need to go to Esella,”
Bang— The large door closed. Esella, who was reaching out to her while crying, was hidden by the door. She had to go. Olivia was about to look up at the Duke with resentful eyes.
“How dare you.”
The Duke's voice, coming through his teeth, was chillingly scary. In an instant, Olivia froze like ice.
“How dare you call my daughter by her name?”
Sparks flew from the Duke's eyes. It felt like standing in front of a terrifying wild animal. Olivia trembled, forgetting even the pain in her arm, which was being held tightly enough to break. Her legs felt like they would give way at any moment. It was something she was experiencing for the first time. It was strange. This person was her father. Why was he looking at her as if she were the most hated thing in the world?
“F, Father.”
“Who. Who is your father?”
It was a voice as cold as if it would freeze everything. The Duke's words were as sharp as his voice. Olivia blinked at the line that was drawn in an instant. And she lowered her head. The Duke spoke quietly, as if suppressing his emotions.
“Listen carefully.”
“……”
“Until I allow it, never again.”
“……”
“Speak to Esella.”
“B, but.”
The Duchess told her to call her sister. Esella's sister. The fear of the Duke subsided when she thought of the word 'sister'. Olivia raised her head and looked at the Duke. She hadn't done anything. She was about to say the words that filled her mouth.
“……If it weren't for you.”
The Duke said in a strained, painful voice. Olivia's breath caught in her throat at that moment. The Duke's expression, which had been holding her arm as if to break it, collapsed. His purple eyes trembled as if he was genuinely sad.
“……Hazel would have been alive.”
The impossible hypothetical struck Olivia's heart with a thud. The words that had filled her mouth disappeared in an instant.
“Your misfortune has made me, my house, like this.”
“……”
“Don't pass that misfortune on to Esella.”
The Duke, who had been holding her arm as if to crush it, slowly let go. And he turned his indifferent gaze away and went into the room. When the door opened, Esella's crying could be heard.
“Papa, why did you kick my sister out?”
“Esella. Don't cry.”
Before the door closed, she heard the Duke's voice soothing Esella. It was completely different from when he treated her. With the sound of the door closing, Olivia collapsed on the spot. It was partly because the tension had been released, and partly because her arm hurt. Only then did the cool air of the hallway touch her cheeks. It felt completely different from the warm room inside. The passing maids and servants glanced at Olivia. But no one comforted or helped Olivia up. Olivia lowered her head and looked down at her arm. The sleeve of the dress that the Duchess had bought her was terribly crumpled. She had been so happy when she received this dress. She had even asked if she was allowed to receive such a precious thing, and the Duchess had smiled very slightly.
“……Hic, sob.”
A burst of sorrowful crying erupted. Her arm hurt, Esella's crying hurt, and the Duke's words hurt.
“……I didn't do any, anything.”
Only belatedly did the words that had disappeared come out as sobs. She hadn't done anything. The Duchess had said that she wasn't at fault.
“If it weren't for you.”
The Duke's face, distorted as if in pain, was vivid. The Duke was misunderstanding. She hadn't done anything, she had just come to this mansion. But the Duke's words continued to torment Olivia. What if it was true? A sudden fear overwhelmed her. Olivia cried and cried because she missed her mother, the Duchess. Until her eyes were swollen and her throat was dry. Until then, there was really no one to comfort Olivia. * * *
“……Lady, Princess.”
Olivia slowly blinked at the voice calling her. The Imperial Palace was visible beyond the carriage. Sally chuckled softly.
“We've arrived. What are you thinking about so much?”
“……I don't know.”
Olivia muttered. It felt like she had a dream. The memories of when the Duchess was in the mansion, when everyone was harmonious and peaceful, what would it have been like? Even the Duke's words, hypothesizing, "If it weren't for you..." Would the Duchess really have been alive if she hadn't entered Madeleine? That impossible hypothesis left a scar on Olivia's heart. But now, no matter what anyone said, Olivia was the eldest daughter of Madeleine. She was also the fiancée of the Crown Prince Leopold Franz. Although her family and Leopold still didn't treat her sincerely, Olivia loved them with all her heart. Her mother's words that it would come true if she did her best couldn't be wrong.