Chapter 22
#022. Standing at a New Beginning After Everything Ends
Olivia didn't even know how she'd made it to the banquet hall. But as she entered, a new waltz was beginning.
Olivia impulsively took the Grand Duke's hand and stood in the middle of the hall.
She didn't care about the stares.
Olivia looked at the Grand Duke and nodded. At the signal that she was ready, the Grand Duke led the dance.
"Are you always this good at everything? You're dancing better than last time."
"I'm just good at memorizing things."
Olivia spoke extra cheerfully on purpose. She couldn't believe she'd walked away, ignoring her father, or rather, Duke Madeleine. Afraid her trembling hands would be noticed, Olivia danced even harder.
Olivia tried her best to enjoy the banquet. She couldn't let the Duke ruin her mood in the situation the Grand Duke had created for her.
But it seemed obvious that she couldn't genuinely enjoy it.
"Are you troubled?"
The Grand Duke's blunt question hit the mark. Olivia tried to pretend she was okay, but smiled a little bitterly.
"...It would be a lie if I said no, wouldn't it?"
"Not as much as you, but me too."
"Why, Your Highness?"
Olivia regretted asking as soon as the words left her mouth. Could it be that he was troubled because she was? As Olivia narrowed her eyes, the Grand Duke sighed softly.
"His Imperial Majesty left his seat."
"So?"
"I made a wish, but he left without approving it. I was ready to get married right away, even today."
His voice was genuinely regretful. Olivia smiled faintly without realizing it. A relaxed smile also appeared on the Grand Duke's face as he checked Olivia's expression.
"I don't want to get married tonight, though?"
"I'm just saying, just saying. Are you taking a joke so seriously?"
"It's because I'm so witty."
Olivia quoted the Grand Duke's words from last time. The Grand Duke, who had been shaking his head, smiled softly.
It was nothing special, but her heart felt a little lighter. As they turned, she spotted Leopold in the distance. Leopold, who always disappeared except when they were dancing, looked ready to pounce as soon as her dance ended.
"I wish the waltz wouldn't end."
"I was thinking the same thing."
The Grand Duke smiled, drawing out the end of his sentence.
"But then Winster answered that we had to change partners, so it couldn't be helped."
Knight Winster Calter was where the Grand Duke had gestured. The knight who had been laughing so hard a few days ago that he ran around the garden until evening. According to Hanna, he even ran to the training grounds.
Olivia looked at Winster. He had looked ridiculous in his outfit when she first saw him in the Garden of the Four Seasons, but dressed in full uniform like that, he looked like a completely different person. There would be a chance to talk to him sometime, but so far, it had been a miss.
Was she into knight uniforms with lace?
The Grand Duke, with his cheeks puffed out sullenly, cut into her view of Winster.
"Isn't there a pretty good-looking man right in front of you to be looking at Winster?"
"Pardon?"
"For example, me."
With those words, the Grand Duke grabbed Olivia's waist and lifted her up in the air to the waltz. Her hair fluttered a little as she floated in the air. As the full skirt of her dress spread out, Olivia smiled a little.
And when the waltz ended, Olivia nodded, her cheeks slightly flushed.
"...You're too good for me."
"It's me who should be saying that."
The Grand Duke smiled and whispered to Olivia.
"The Crown Prince is approaching from behind you, what should we do?"
Leopold was approaching. It would be better to go back to the Grand Duke's Residence now. But before Olivia could say anything, someone came before Leopold.
"Let's talk."
It was Jade. He glared at the Grand Duke with a fierce expression, as if out of nowhere.
"...I'd like to talk to Olivia for a moment. Please excuse us, Your Highness."
"...The Deputy Commander is always so brief. Did you throw away the greeting of 'long time no see' altogether?"
"I threw it away when I found out that the information about the Heferti remnants was false."
The word "false" was emphasized.
"I'm glad it wasn't true. Then, Miss, shall we head to the residence as planned?"
"Olivia!"
Jade's voice grew louder. But Olivia didn't want to see Jade. The moment she faced him, she felt the shape of the handprint on her shoulder throb.
"...I have nothing to say."
"I have a lot to say. You disappeared for a short time, where have you been until now? At the Grand Duke's Residence?"
"Lower your voice. There are a lot of eyes watching."
Olivia said softly. Jade, who had been huffing and puffing, stopped for a moment as if he was about to say something. The eyes that glared at Olivia were complicated. Despite the confusion in his eyes, Olivia steeled her heart.
It hadn't changed for fourteen long years. If they were people who would have looked back at her just because she decided to cut ties, they would have looked back at her a long time ago.
Jade slowly parted his lips.
"...Rebel in moderation."
The Grand Duke next to her tried to step in front of Olivia, but Olivia grabbed him and shook her head.
"Rebel?"
Olivia slowly mulled over Jade's words. Jade didn't seem to realize the seriousness in her quiet voice as he spoke.
"Yes, rebel. The atmosphere hasn't been good since Esella collapsed anyway. So don't make things difficult and come back with me now."
"Go back where?"
"Olivia, don't act stupid,"
Jade stopped speaking, annoyed. Olivia's expression was strange. Olivia looked up at Jade with a truly clueless face.
Her green eyes, which were always smiling, looked particularly blank.
"I'm asking, go back where?"
"Well...!"
He should have said the Madeleine Residence as a matter of course. Strangely, Jade couldn't answer. Olivia smiled faintly.
"...Is what I'm doing now rebelling?"
Olivia thought carefully. Then, suddenly, her throat tightened. The inside of her throat tingled as if she couldn't speak anymore.
Olivia had thought her feelings were "desperate." When Esella rejected her, and her father, Conrad, and Jade pushed her away in turn, it felt like she was being pushed off a cliff.
She had always smiled and brushed it off, even as she was hurt every time, but she couldn't breathe anymore. That's why she came out.
It seemed that all of that looked like rebellion in Jade's eyes.
How ridiculous must she have looked?
She was speechless with a sense of futility. Olivia bit her lip. She had always prioritized her family first. But in reality, her position in her family was only this much.
"...I have nothing more to say. Lady Madeleine."
"What? Hey, what are you saying right now."
Jade, flustered, was about to go on a rampage, but she wasn't worried. Her worries should now be directed at herself. Jade, as if choosing his words, spoke with a flushed face.
"You're a Madeleine too."
In Jade's perception, she wasn't a Madeleine. She was just Olivia, claiming to be a Madeleine. That terrible fact made her head spin.
Really...
I was the only one who didn't know.
Olivia ignored the aching feeling in her heart. It was a feeling she didn't want to feel anymore.
"I told the Duke. From now on, I. No. It was always like this, but."
Olivia smiled palely. When Jade, facing her deathly pale face, seemed to realize something and his eyes widened.
"...I'm going to erase Madeleine from my life."
Madeleine, which had been everything in her life.
The family she loved.
She was going to erase them now.
With her back to Jade, Olivia gently tugged on the Grand Duke's arm.
"Let's go to the residence now."
The Grand Duke's hand carefully wrapped around Olivia's shoulder. It was very pleasant and tearfully tender to have someone supporting her.
Olivia was twenty years old, and she was only realizing that now.
* * *
"You're already back?"
When they entered the Grand Duke's Residence, Hanna greeted Olivia and the Grand Duke with wide eyes. Olivia smiled secretly, like those who shared a secret.
"I told you, I don't really like banquets."
"But you looked so beautiful today."
Hanna said regretfully. As if to cut off those words, the butler Sobel bowed politely.
"Welcome back, Your Highness, Miss. Did anything particular happen?"
The young-faced butler Sobel had been like that since the first day. He was blunt, but not skilled enough to hide his concern.
"Did anything happen? Oh, just a little hungry?"
The Grand Duke smiled languidly and nodded. Come to think of it, she hadn't seen the Grand Duke eat anything at the banquet. She was used to eating little, so it was okay for her, but it would be different for the Grand Duke.
"I will prepare some suitable soup and bread for the night."
Sobel nodded seriously. It must be all over now. Olivia was about to turn towards the stairs as usual.
"How about you, Miss?"
Olivia's eyes widened. Sobel spoke steadily.
"Personally, looking at your diet, Miss, I'd still like to offer you a steak, but it might upset your stomach if you eat it at night, so how about a stew with meat?"
"I..."
The voice that came out was a little shaky. It was as if cracks were about to appear on her cheerful face. The inside of her throat felt hot and constricted.
It was the first time. The first time someone had worried about her meal after a banquet. The end of the banquets, which she always hated to attend, had always been difficult.
Suddenly, the Grand Duke subtly nudged Olivia's back towards the stairs. Olivia climbed the stairs with surprised eyes.
"Miss was dancing so hard today that she needs to rest first. Just send up the food later."
"Dancing! Then shall I send up a massage or a bath as well?"
"That too, later. Then, shall we have the Miss go upstairs with my escort?"
The Grand Duke, playfully retracting everything, took Olivia's hand. He pulled her along as if helping her, and she was able to climb the stairs without her legs giving way.
The Grand Duke, who had led Olivia to her door without a word, stopped in front of it. Turning around, he said kindly.
"Do you want to be alone? Or shall I stay with you?"
"...Alone."
"Oh, what a shame."
The Grand Duke, with a face that didn't look disappointed at all, opened the door for her instead. At his gesture to hurry inside, Olivia briefly looked at him.
"Do you have something to say? Are you hungry?"
"No. Just... thank you."
It was sincere. For not letting her go to the banquet alone, for adorning her in beautiful clothes, for coming out with her, and for creating a place for her to go like this.
Olivia only smiled, as if she couldn't express everything she wanted to say with her low, cracked voice.
"...Suddenly, with a face that looks like you're about to cry?"
The Grand Duke jokingly pointed at Olivia's face. She knew best what her face looked like right now. Because she had always suppressed it while looking in the mirror alone. So, Olivia smiled even more brazenly.
"Yes. It's a face that's about to cry, but being grateful is being grateful."
"I'm grateful too."
"What for, Your Highness?"
"For saying let's go to the residence."
The residence? Olivia tilted her head, not understanding what the Grand Duke meant.
"If the Grand Duke's Residence has become familiar to you, Miss, then it's something I should be grateful for. I was worried that if you said you had nowhere to go, I would really..."
The Grand Duke paused for a moment. Only when his light smile disappeared could Olivia see his face properly. His raw face, without a mask, met Olivia's. The face that had firmly supported Olivia slowly curved.
"...I think I would be really sad."
His low voice scattered like a sigh. Olivia's eyes, meeting his deeply sunken red eyes, curved as if she was about to cry.
* * *
"Then rest well."
Olivia looked at the closed door, repeating the Grand Duke's words. And once again, she looked at the room where she was alone.
After banquets, she always felt empty inside. The inside of her back always ached as if she were starving. But not today.
She had clearly finished everything, but the emptiness she felt every time was not sadness, but a greater sense of futility.
Her fingertips tingled, and her skin prickled.
It was a strange sensation.
Esella, who was physically weak, complained that she felt like she was going to get sick whenever her skin prickled. Every time, Olivia prepared Esella's medicine without even understanding what it meant for her skin to prickle.
Because that was Olivia's role.
But now it was different.
It seemed like this small change was the beginning. Olivia looked at her fingertips with a happy heart. She felt a little dizzy.
Olivia, who was smiling faintly, walked towards the bed. When her staggering steps headed towards the table instead of directly to the bed, Olivia found the diary placed on the table. Her diary, which she had been writing in at the Duke's Residence for over ten years. It seemed like Hanna had bought it right away.
This was truly an impulse. Olivia sat down on the chair instead of going to bed. She didn't care that she seemed to be breathing heavily.
When her slender, trembling hand opened the diary, there was, of course, nothing written on the pure white paper. The words that had always confined Olivia were gone.
So, for the first time, Olivia wrote to herself.
I didn't do anything.
The handwriting was more crooked than usual. But with that one line in her diary, Olivia burst into tears. She cried like a child, without worrying about who would hear her or fearing that she would lose her dignity.
Now, everything that had been binding Olivia had truly disappeared.
The erased Madeleine and her family. Leopold.
All of this was unfamiliar and new. And also welcome.
Olivia cried and laughed at the same time. Thick tears fell on the letters, smearing them haphazardly. Like the sentence in her first diary, which she had written a long time ago.
