Chapter 61
61
Charity Performance
Those peaceful days continued, making the memories of that strange night feel almost like a dream.
The Lindman Marquis had returned to his own territory, and Mathias no longer sent letters laced with coercive commands or showed up unannounced.
In the meantime, the seasons had changed.
Opening the window let in a rush of cold air carrying the crisp scent of winter. Leila forgot about the chill for a moment as she breathed it in. The forest of Arbis was filled with the silvery winter sunlight unique to the season.
It was only when her fingertips grew cold that Leila closed the window and turned away. Today was the day of the charity performance at the public hall in town, prepared by the village school children, so her morning routine took a bit longer than usual. Though the children were the ones performing, it was an event that would host the local upper-class notables, so she couldn’t afford to dress as casually as she normally would.
‘Let’s show them the dignified appearance of a teacher. Understood, Miss Llewellyn?’
At yesterday’s final meeting, the principal had pointed directly at Leila and made the request. He’d even added a joking remark that he trusted she wouldn’t show up on her bicycle tomorrow, too.
“What’s wrong with my bicycle anyway?”
Even as she muttered peevishly, Leila’s hands busily braided her hair. Thanks to practicing every day for a semester, she now had the knack for styling it prettily.
‘That hairstyle doesn’t suit you.’
Looking at her finished hair in the mirror, the duke’s absurd words from that autumn day on Platanus Avenue suddenly came to mind. Leila startled as if she’d just locked eyes with the man, unnecessarily averting her gaze from the mirror.
‘It’s pretty, your hair. Like wings.’
Even more disconcerting than the rude remark, those words followed in her thoughts. And even then, there hadn’t been any particular expression on his face.
After fiddling pointlessly with her hairbrush for a while, Leila finally faced the mirror again. The daze had faded, but the memories of that night remained vividly clear.
The duke had kept his promise.
That unfamiliar, strange moment when his lips had pressed against her wound hadn’t lasted long. After releasing her, he’d treated the injury as if nothing had happened. His hands were calm and deft as he applied the ointment and bandaged her shoulder, which ached with even the slightest movement—like a doctor tending to a patient.
And then…
As the memory of facing him again after dressing tried to surface, Leila hurriedly stood up. She slipped on the expensive dress she’d saved up for and found her heeled shoes to wear. What a day to have to endure in these. Her heels already throbbed in anticipation.
“You look pretty, Leila.”
Bill Lemmer chuckled when he saw her enter the kitchen.
“You’ll be the prettiest one at the public hall tonight.”
“There will be noble ladies and matrons there too.”
“What does that matter? No amount of gold or jewels could make any girl prettier than you.”
“Just in your eyes, Uncle.”
Leila giggled and sat across from Bill.
“By the way, Leila. What about that necklace…? How about wearing it?”
Bill Lemmer ventured, eyeing her bare neck, which felt strangely empty.
“The necklace? Oh! You mean the one you bought me?”
“Yeah. The one you wore to the duke’s residence party last year. It’d go decently with that dress, I think. I’m not insisting on it or anything, but it wouldn’t hurt to wear it.”
Bill Lemmer knew nothing about women’s adornments, but he clearly remembered how dazzlingly beautiful Leila had been that day. Even if just for one night, it had made her look like a princess—and that was a proud memory for him.
Leila readily agreed, retrieved the necklace from deep in her wardrobe, put it on, and stood before Bill Lemmer again.
“How do I look, Uncle?”
Bill Lemmer burst into another hearty laugh at Leila’s shy question, hands behind her back.
“Watch out for the crows, Leila. You’re sparkling so much, one might swoop down and snatch you away!”
Today, she seemed to be walking to work for some reason.
Mathias’s lips curved faintly as he spotted a lone figure approaching along the path beyond the vast rose garden behind the estate, leading toward the hunting grounds. Even as a tiny speck in the distance, Mathias knew. It could only be that woman—Leila.
Mathias took another step closer to the window. Leaning obliquely against the window frame draped with long damask curtains from ceiling to floor, he watched her draw nearer, savoring the sight. With a short whistle, a small bird flew to him and landed naturally on the hand he extended.
Mathias brought the hand with the canary perched on it close to the glass. As if introducing the woman walking along that path to his bird. But the canary showed no interest and soon fluttered back to its nest. Not long after, Leila vanished from view of his bedroom window. Yet Mathias lingered at that window for a long time afterward.
From some day on, it had become routine to start his mornings at this window.
Gazing from this west-facing window overlooking the path connecting the garden behind the grounds to the hunting grounds, at the one woman diligently heading to work in the sunlight.
Was it healed by now?
The image of her small body covered in wounds made his brows furrow unconsciously.
He hadn’t seen Leila since that night. If he was curious, he could simply go and check with his own eyes—but he didn’t feel like it. It was a strange, unfamiliar emotion, hard even for him to understand.
Leaving the window, Mathias sat in the wing chair by the fireplace and picked up the unfinished newspaper. But the words entering his eyes scattered meaninglessly, never reaching his mind.
That night, Leila had cried. Tears he’d seen countless times, yet for some reason, that sobbing felt as unfamiliar as the first, lingering in his thoughts endlessly.
‘Wait.’
As Leila tried to rise from the bed, Mathias calmly blocked her path.
‘Painkiller.’
Even as he offered the small vial in his hand, Leila just stared up at him blankly. Her face was like that of someone who’d lost their senses.
Mathias opened the vial and stepped closer. Gripping her chin to part her lips, Leila finally twitched like she’d come to her senses, but Mathias ignored it and fed her the medicine himself. It was quite bitter, yet Leila only gazed at him with her clear face.
Letting out a small chuckle, Mathias fetched a handkerchief and wiped the medicine that had dribbled from her lips. Then he took a candy from the box in his medicine kit and placed it in her mouth. It was only after the candy had begun to melt a little that tears suddenly streamed from Leila’s slowly blinking eyes.
The crying was so unexpected that Mathias felt a twinge of bewilderment. Leila couldn’t even sob properly, just shedding thick teardrops one after another. What was so heartbreaking? She stared at him with the candy in her mouth, unable to spit it out or swallow it.
With somewhat stiff hands, Mathias cupped the face of the crying woman. Even after wiping and wiping, her tears wouldn’t stop, soaking his hands thoroughly.
‘Does it still hurt?’
At the question born of helpless uncertainty, Leila nodded.
Unable to find the right words, Mathias pulled the crying Leila into his arms. She struggled briefly to push him away but soon went limp, as if resigned.
He held her like that for a long while—the woman sobbing messily around the crunching candy. That hot, heartbreaking cry only stopped after thoroughly soaking the front of his sweater. Even just recalling that memory filled Mathias with the same sense of helpless impasse as that night. Just like now.
Setting down the unread newspaper, Mathias leaned back deeply into the chair and lifted his head. The face of that woman crying again floated up toward the ceiling he faced.
When Leila cried, he was generally pleased.
He enjoyed making her cry, seeing that pretty face drenched in tears. Of course, there were times when those tears annoyed him. It wasn’t pleasant when something other than him was the cause. In those moments, he wished those unwelcome tears would stop.
It had always been that clear. Not just her tears, but everything about Leila—no, everything in life. It had to be.
Mathias slowly retraced that day’s Leila, like replaying a lost game.
It had been somewhat strange tears.
Leila usually cried from anger she couldn’t contain, or from shame and fear. And Mathias could calmly savor that familiar crying. That was certain.
But those final tears…
At that moment, Leila had seemed like someone unaware she was even crying. Her eyes held no anger or fear—empty, yet somehow filled with something unknowable.
He’d wanted to stop those tears. But it wasn’t the same as the rage he’d felt before Kyle Etman, that urge to strangle her until the tears ceased.
It was profoundly unfamiliar and uncomfortable, yet not unpleasant. Like being intoxicated by fragrant liquor—languid on one hand, anxious and restless on the other, as if chased by something. It was utter confusion, and at the same time, overwhelming joy.
Joy. Yes, joy.
A joy incomparable to what he’d gained from making her cry and cornering her. Perhaps that was why he’d lingered around this woman he could have taken whenever he wanted. To know this joy. To have it.
He recalled the moment he’d gazed at Leila’s exhausted face after her tears stopped.
As he wiped her wet face and brushed back her hair, she’d meekly surrendered to him. But the faintly glimmering light had finally gone out, leaving only the same fear and resignation as before in its place. No matter how long he looked, nothing changed.
Mathias wanted to reclaim that joy. But no matter how much he pondered, it led back to square one. The sensation of grasping something only for it to slip through his fingers like sand made him grimace suddenly. It was then that a polite knock sounded.
“Master, it’s Hessen.”
“Come in.”
Mathias lowered his gaze from the ceiling and replied evenly. Hessen approached the chair where he sat and stood straight.
“Madam asked about your evening schedule today.”
“My mother?”
“Yes. She was to attend the charity performance at the public hall this evening with Lady Norma, but Madam has a cold coming on and says she likely won’t be able to go out. If you have no other evening plans, she hopes you might accompany Lady Norma instead. What do you think?”
“Charity performance?”
“It’s a performance prepared jointly by several schools from Kalsvar, and the village school children are participating as well.”
Only then did Mathias understand why Leila had walked to work. Come to think of it, she’d seemed more put-together than usual.
“Yes.”
Mathias accepted readily.
“I’ll do that.”
