Chapter 89
- Migeum
2023.07.28.
What must it have been like, putting on a smile for a commemorative photo with the daughter of the enemy who killed my son?
Watching Kim Jae-pil's face finally crumble, So-eun thought.
I must be a chilling presence to him, and I touched his grandson, so how agonizing must that be? And how appalling and detestable must it be for me to brazenly insist on continuing the relationship?
Only when faced with that expression of utter despair was So-eun able to understand Kim Jae-pil's feelings.
"There's nothing I begrudge giving to Han So-eun. If you need more money, I can give you more. If you need something else, I can provide it. So, you can tell me everything you need."
I just want you to stay away from my Tae-joon. That's all I want.
How could that cruel message sound so plaintive?
I don't want to understand this terrifying grandfather, but I feel like I might, and my eyes quickly grew hot.
"I'm just, desperately, begging you. If Han So-eun is next to our Tae-joon, he can never escape the past."
"......"
"If you want me to kneel, I will kneel. If you want me to pretend to die, I will pretend. If you want an arm, I can give it to you."
A long explanation that even if a knife were at his throat, Han So-eun was absolutely out of the question. Hearing those terrible words one after another, strangely, I didn't feel like resisting. It could be. It had to be.
The emotions welling up beneath my eyes burst forth without resistance. Tears fell in drops on So-eun's hand on her lap. Her hand hurt as if the tears were hailstones.
Kim Jae-pil wasn't being selfish. He was just trying to protect his grandson in this miserable reality.
"Shall we talk about what we should do now?"
Kim Jae-pil, who politely handed her a tissue, said in a composed voice again.
My aunt and uncle fought every single day. My aunt would yell at my uncle to bring some money, and my uncle would say every time, "If you hadn't taken her in," pointing at So-eun. Whenever my uncle happened to lay a hand on her, my aunt would sit in front of So-eun and encourage her, saying, "You're pretty, so you can earn money." We fight because of money, and because of you, so the best way is for you to earn money. I first heard that when I was nine years old.
I just endured doggedly because there was no other way to survive back then. If I endured, some days would pass by okay. As a reward for enduring, So-eun gradually became an adult. So-eun was proud of herself for enduring so well.
Patience was So-eun's asset. However, I wasn't sure if I could control my expression at will.
So-eun stretched her lips long in front of the mirror. Her eyes looked expressionless, so she half-closed them. If she focused on her eyes, her mouth looked awkward, and if she focused on her mouth, her eyes looked awkward. Her pupils also didn't feel alive.
You could die and be reborn and still not be an actress.
So-eun didn't want to see her ugly face anymore, so she turned away and lay down on the bed. As soon as her head touched the pillow, her phone rang. Tae-joon's name appeared, and her heart reacted first.
"Hello."
[I came early.]
"To Korea?"
[Yeah.]
His voice reporting to her sounded as cheerful as a song. Tae-joon, who was supposed to return on Monday, finished his work a day earlier and returned on Sunday morning. He didn't tell her separately when he departed from the Philippines airport, wanting to surprise So-eun.
Trying not to reveal her flustered feelings, So-eun asked.
"......Is all the work done?"
[Yeah. Where are you?]
"Home."
[Then I'll go there.]
"No! No! Don't come."
So-eun's heart raced at his habit of notifying her.
[Why? Do you have plans?]
"No. I'm not feeling well. I want to rest today."
[Ah... Can't I come and take care of you?]
"No. I prefer to be alone when I'm sick."
So-eun coldly cut off his disappointed voice.
[Okay, then. Rest.]
Hearing his somewhat disappointed reply, So-eun hung up first.
She remembered the day she made a clumsy confession to him in the department store parking lot. That day, Tae-joon didn't let go of her hand even while driving. It was only when they arrived at the apartment parking lot that their hands separated. At the same time, his aunt arrived at the apartment parking lot.
Realizing the reality of his attitude of hiding her, So-eun returned home alone.
But, there was a reason for that, wasn't there. That's why he hid me in a hurry. Because he couldn't let his aunt see me.
His attitude of sometimes hiding something had made her uneasy, but the fact that the reason was all about her was comforting even amidst the pain.
I'm being terribly loved. I won't die of love starvation.
Come to think of it, everything was as she wanted.
He accepted her past without any qualms, and gave her ordinary love, not caring about family, school, wealth, or job, just liking her because he liked her. He was a very, very handsome man who wanted just 'Han So-eun' herself, with no background.
Thanks to that, she had a happy love. Wasn't that enough?
Only after Tae-joon, who had gone on a long overseas business trip, returned to Korea was So-eun able to fall into a deep sleep as if running away.
If I just endure the time, tomorrow will come. I'll become a little more of an adult while sleeping.
That was how I planned to get through the weekend.
A few hours later, her ears opened before her eyes. Awakened by the sound of a thief moving, So-eun was startled to find Tae-joon standing awkwardly in front of her and gasped.
"Why are you here, why!"
"Sorry, sorry."
Tae-joon, who had been tiptoeing, lowered his heels to the floor.
"But if you hate it that much, I'll be very sad."
"Of course I hate it, you're here when I didn't open the door for you!"
So-eun retorted with a wronged expression at his brazen reply.
"Didn't you tell me? You opened it so openly in front of me that I thought you wanted me to memorize it."
So-eun said, "No. I didn't tell you..."
"Then change it now. I won't look."
What's the point of changing it now? You're already here.
She glared and pouted, and he reached out to soothe So-eun. His large hand cupped her cheek.
"Are you in a lot of pain?"
I must be crazy. I must be really crazy.
This man killed someone. He might have killed someone.
I should resent him, I should hate him. But for some reason, I didn't hate him at all. I wasn't even scared.
"I get so nervous when Han So-eun says she's sick."
No, how can I hate him? Someone like this.
So-eun regretted scolding Tae-joon just now.
"I don't like being alone when I'm sick."
"......"
"We'll be together from now on, so get used to things like this."
Even in his serious voice, as if he were reasoning with her, there was a softness like down feathers.
There was no other word to call it but love.
Love is invisible.
But sometimes it's visible.
When he was next to her, it always felt like she was covered in a cozy blanket.
"You have a bad fever."
It wasn't a fever, but her insides were burning, but he naively believed So-eun's lie.
So-eun lay down on the bed as Tae-joon supported her. While So-eun was lying on the bed, Tae-joon warmed up the porridge he had packed from the restaurant. He could have just warmed it up in the microwave, but he took out a pot and transferred the contents, which was pitiful and funny at the same time.
So-eun raised the body Tae-joon had laid down and leaned against the head of the bed.
Our peaceful Sunday afternoon, which didn't suit our fate at all, our last.
Sunlight came straight in through the square window. Clear dust like gold powder danced in the slanting lines created by the sunlight.
"Why are you staring blankly like that?"
"I'm not. I was looking at the dust."
So-eun replied sulkily to Tae-joon's teasing. Following So-eun's gaze, Tae-joon also turned his head.
So-eun suddenly wanted to show off her knowledge to him. She wanted to forget her sadness with ordinary conversation.
"Do you know what these gold dust-like particles are called?"
"Migeum."
"Oh."
But her pretense became an unattainable thing. But she didn't feel particularly bad.
Migeum. I knew the form, but I had never met anyone who knew the name. It was a word that felt like only I knew in the world. It was just an overlap of trivial knowledge, but I felt like soulmates for no reason.
Perhaps her expression was funny, he added an explanation.
"It's my grandmother's name."
"Really?"
"Yeah. She's passed away now."
In a hazy memory like murky water, a wide garden where they played tag came to mind.
"This is called 'Migeum'. Dust like gold powder."
And. The pretty older brother who taught her new words.
It was such a shocking weekend in many ways that I hadn't even thought that far.
It was you. It was all you.
That pretty older brother who played tag with me when I was young was you.
You really haven't changed at all.
As if an unhealed wound was exposed in the sunlight, everything melting into it hurt.
Tae-joon, who noticed that her eyes were filled with tears, smirked nonchalantly.
"She passed away 22 years ago, so don't overreact."
So-eun couldn't make a sound, afraid that he would hear the tears in her throat.
I thought that life was like dust. Dust that usually floats in the air as if it doesn't exist, but can sparkle like gold powder under the sunlight.
Tae-joon was cooling the porridge he had warmed up in the pot with cold water, saying it was too hot this time. The scene was so dazzling that her eyes stung.
Okay. Let's just think about me.
This week-long limited-time romance will be a lifetime of happiness for me.
Let's smile happily for me. I'm passing through a brilliant moment where gold powder is falling.
Then I felt like I could do it. I felt like I could smile happily even in front of him.
So-eun picked up her phone and took a picture of him acting uncharacteristically silly.
Perhaps the shutter sound was too loud, Tae-joon came sauntering over. He took the phone and checked the photo, then turned the lens to selfie mode as if he didn't like it. And he stretched out his arm so that So-eun and he were in the same frame.
This was the first time this had happened, so So-eun was embarrassed and couldn't lift her head. Tae-joon wrapped his other arm around So-eun's chin and turned her chin towards him in time with the shooting timer.
Click. The sound effect and the two people's kiss were saved as a photo.
