Chapter 66
- I Hate You, But I Like You
2023.07.05.
Han So-eun rose from her seat with a blank expression.
"Should I stop talking?"
"No!"
Tae-joon's voice boomed. Startled by his roar, So-eun froze in place. Realizing his mistake, Tae-joon squeezed his eyes shut, then sighed deeply, stood up, and sat So-eun back down.
"Sit."
He knew well that there was no need to get emotional.
That wasn't what he should be saying.
He should be thanking her for coming, apologizing for not understanding her feelings.
The truth was, even amidst the shock of seeing Choi Hyun-ji come all the way to the company and then you barging into his office, he found you incredibly endearing.
He wanted to say those things, but he couldn't understand why his emotions were so out of sync.
He couldn't control himself.
On the one hand, even in this frustrating moment, just looking at her made him want to ignore his pride and everything else and pull her into his arms.
"Talk. I'll listen quietly."
Tae-joon suppressed himself and returned to his seat.
"...I'm struggling and desperate, but I hated that you, Director, can easily overcome and choose everything."
"......"
"I know I don't have the right to resent you because I deceived you too, but that doesn't make the shock any less, and I feel disappointed."
So-eun's fragile voice echoed softly in the living room. Still unable to accept her claims, Tae-joon's brow furrowed like curtain pleats.
"I was upset that you found out what I was hiding, and I was ashamed that you covered it up, so I didn't know how to bring it up. And..."
And.
The lament stopped again at 'and'. He felt a thirst to urge her to continue. His Adam's apple bobbed as he waited for her to continue.
She hesitated, as if debating whether to say it or not, repeatedly parting and closing her lips, taking even breaths, then lowered her head. Her trembling fingertips were pitiful.
Finally, her lips parted cautiously.
"...I don't want you to pity me."
It was a confession filled with tears.
She didn't want him to pity her, the woman said in a pitiful voice.
Tae-joon paused.
In fact, Tae-joon thought he hadn't done anything wrong. Because So-eun breaking up with Yang Hee-wook and meeting him was the best thing that could have happened.
He was so sure of that, but he was very upset that So-eun was so shocked to learn the truth, and he was angry that she hadn't contacted him since. And then, after four days, she came to him and confessed that she resented him because she felt like she was in the palm of his hand, which also displeased Tae-joon.
Frankly, he hadn't done much as he pleased in his relationship with So-eun. He often suppressed his desires and impulses because he knew that if he acted greedily and as he pleased, she would reject him.
So, he didn't think he needed to reflect on himself. He just thought it was something that could be resolved through conversation.
He had been so busy putting up a front that he hadn't looked back on his own expressions. How he had treated her after being shocked by her surgery.
Recalling the feelings she must have felt as she revisited the past alone after learning all the facts made his heart heavy.
More than 10 years ago, Tae-joon had decided to study abroad at a young age because of the pitying glances from those who knew him well. The uncomfortable looks his friends gave him whenever they saw his shortcomings, the friends he used to play and laugh with. That look that made him realize that you and I are different.
Tae-joon had experienced that feeling before, but he had forgotten it. He wondered how much of that look she, who had lived in a much more difficult environment than him, had received and how she had endured it.
He belatedly felt sorry for So-eun when he thought about how shocking it must have been for her to realize that even at the base of his heart, which he had believed to be pure love, there was pity.
"...It's not just that feeling. It's just one of the many emotions I pour out on Han So-eun."
"I know. It's not your fault, Director."
So-eun smiled serenely at Tae-joon's narrow excuse.
"I understand the shock you received, the pity you felt. I really do."
So-eun also knew that she shouldn't be complaining. She actually knew everything.
"I also know that you've been considerate. Honestly, I should be thanking you."
She should have said such pretty words, thanking him for pretending not to know for her sake, even though he knew everything.
But she couldn't help the frustration that was sprouting separately from that feeling, so she told the truth.
"...That's why I hate you, Director. Because you make me so helpless."
"......"
"...I hate you, but I like you."
To reach that conclusion.
"That's all. For me."
Tears welled up in her eyes. It was a confession and surrender of all her heart.
For whatever reason, I can't give up on this feeling, because I like you too much.
Because the feeling of liking you just doesn't seem to collapse, the answer was determined from the beginning.
I am just a weakling.
While her voice continued, Tae-joon, who had risen from his seat and approached step by step, was already sitting close, narrowing the distance. Startled, So-eun stopped the approaching thick arm.
"No. I'm not finished yet."
"I know. Keep going. I'll listen to everything."
There was no way he could resist when such a pretty woman was saying such pretty things.
Tae-joon pulled her waist close to him and hugged her tightly. He couldn't kiss her lips because she said she had more to say, but he wanted to put his lips on anything and quench this long thirst.
"So, is that why you were so surprised when I drank? Is that why you slept at my house that day?"
"......"
"And that's why you're so concerned about my health? And why you don't let me stay in the pool for long?"
Let me talk, but don't make me talk. I'm busy.
Tae-joon slid his lips across her jawline, earlobe, and neck, wherever they touched. As if wanting his heart to be conveyed to her skin.
"And you cook for me?"
"......"
"And... you don't do that?"
"I regret that. Definitely."
He, who had been carrying traces of his lips on her body at random, suddenly raised his head and answered seriously.
"I won't disappoint you in the future. I promise."
"Selective answer."
"Yeah."
With quick acknowledgment, he bit her lips this time. When she, who had been tensing her whole body, released the breath she had been holding in and relaxed, Tae-joon was finally relieved. He wanted to give her everything as she accepted it. He wanted to put his heart inside her if he could.
"I've never cared about someone this much before."
"......"
"It's just, you're special."
It's because you're special. My life is at a point where I can't separate it from you.
"Someday, there will be a time when Han So-eun will feel sorry for me too. Because I'm weak."
Tae-joon confessed carefully, as if taking out a breath he had been holding in. Acknowledging his own limitations was embarrassing and shameful, so he didn't want to show this side of himself to anyone but Han So-eun.
He had let himself down like that.
"Wow. That's not true."
So-eun, who had been listening quietly, snorted as if it didn't make sense.
"How are you weak?"
"I'm the subordinate, so of course I'm weak."
"How are you the subordinate, Director? You're the boss."
"How am I the boss? The person who doesn't contact me is the boss."
"......"
"The person who can choose is the boss."
"Wow. Holding a grudge."
"Yeah."
Tae-joon quickly acknowledged So-eun's nagging.
It wasn't always the case that Tae-joon could easily overcome and choose everything. Of course, So-eun might be right when it came to work. But his relationship with So-eun was different from everything he was involved in. It was always difficult and daunting.
The one thing that someone who has everything doesn't have. It's not that kind of dimension. That one thing could now shake his entire being at any time.
Just look at what happened today.
I was lingering in front of that door all day like a dog waiting for its owner to return. Excited by the fact that you could come to me at any time, and also afraid of the fact that you could leave me at any time.
That's my destiny. I'll be in this state all the time in the future.
"So, don't hate me. I last a long time."
It'll probably last about 20 years. If you hurt me.
So-eun, who didn't know all of his inner thoughts, smiled brightly and asked.
"Don't you have anything else to hide from me?"
"No."
"Really nothing?"
"Nothing. Really."
"Really?"
"Really."
Tae-joon answered So-eun, who asked repeatedly as if she was interrogating him, as calmly as possible.
"What else would I have to hide from Han So-eun?"
The only secret he would carry forever was something he didn't need to say. Because he would bury it forever.
But he felt guilty about continuing to lie to those pretty eyes, so Tae-joon immediately changed the subject.
"Is there anything you want to do when you're fully recovered?"
"Alcohol!"
Fortunately, she quickly responded to his question.
"I want to drink."
"I'll get it for you. Something really expensive and delicious."
Tae-joon calmly promised a future someday.
*
Heejin, who borrowed 1 billion won each from a private moneylender with Mal-hee using their houses as collateral, took turns guarding the PC monitor with Mal-hee every day. They had promised to return 1.1 billion won to the moneylender in a month, so they had to make at least 1.1 billion won, but the coin was approaching 1.3 billion won, so they had already earned 200 million won. These days, Heejin was living for the fun of watching the coin chart.
Meanwhile, Mal-hee made dying sounds every time Heejin called. It was because of Hee-wook. Whenever she thought of Hee-wook, even though she couldn't help but laugh when she looked at the chart, Heejin also felt like she was going to die of frustration. She was also worried that her mother, who had barely overcome the crisis, would get sick again because of Hee-wook.
[What am I going to do with Hee-wook? He comes home drunk every day, and now he calls So-eun's name while he sleeps. What are you going to do when you get married?]
"What a joke, what a joke. Ugh, that's enough, Mom. Just wait a little longer. That bitch Han So-eun will get what's coming to her now. I'm going to make her sick and tired of it."
In the meantime, Heejin was busy trying to get an account for the anonymous community that only K Electronic Service employees could join. After much effort, she finally got a secret account from a friend of a friend for a premium and was finally able to use it.
Heejin quickly scribbled a novel on the community bulletin board.
