Chapter 52
52. Treasure Hunt
2023.06.21.
So-eun and Kim Tae-joon stood facing each other for a long time.
“Where are you going?”
Kim Tae-joon hesitated before asking. It was an unusually cautious tone for him.
“……I was going to buy something, but I don’t need it anymore. What brings you here, Director Kim?”
She couldn’t reveal that she wanted to drink beer but couldn’t have alcohol, so she was going to buy non-alcoholic beer.
Han So-eun, hiding her flustered feelings, quickly answered and then asked about his business. Kim Tae-joon unfolded what he was holding in his hand.
“I found this at home.”
It was the candy that Han So-eun had secretly put inside the moon jar. Seeing the moon jar, pieced back together but having lost its original purpose, she felt a sense of melancholy and had put the candy in to soothe her heart. The candy she had hidden, hoping that one day he would casually look inside the jar and find her trace, like a treasure hunt.
“I found this. And I missed you.”
She felt a bit awkward that he had found it sooner than she had expected, but she loved that he had come to find her using that trivial trace as an excuse. Han So-eun’s feet moved on their own. Taking a step, Han So-eun reached out and hugged Kim Tae-joon.
It was the first time she had hugged him first. Kim Tae-joon also lowered his shoulders and pulled her even closer.
The worries and resentments that had been tormenting her all day melted away like snow in his arms.
Han So-eun led Kim Tae-joon into her house. Because Kim Tae-joon, uncharacteristically, had been standing in front of her door for a long time. She had visited his house several times, and she couldn’t push away the person who had been hesitating in front of her house for so long.
She was glad she had cleaned the house yesterday. Although that didn’t mean her small studio apartment looked spacious.
“I’m sorry the place is so small.”
A house that would feel full with just the two of them sitting on the floor. It was smaller than Kim Tae-joon’s walk-in closet, and she felt unnecessarily sorry, wondering if he would be uncomfortable.
Kim Tae-joon smiled as if he had found an opening in Han So-eun’s apology.
“Stay right there. Come here.”
Ah. She had promised not to say sorry. He had said a flick on the forehead.
Recalling the memory from a while ago, Han So-eun squinted and approached Kim Tae-joon. Her eyes naturally closed tightly, wondering how much the flick on the forehead would hurt.
But no matter how long she waited, there was no stinging impact. Han So-eun slyly opened one eye. Before her was a handsome man, quietly gazing at her face as if admiring it. If they were still, their eyes would naturally meet, but as she opened her eyes, he quickly looked away as if his hidden feelings had been discovered.
Why did that expression look so pitiful?
Han So-eun somehow felt that he hadn’t come just because he had found the candy.
Was there some difficult problem he was dealing with? Was it related to the work he was doing now?
If so, she hoped that she could be his comfort, even for a little while.
Han So-eun, who obediently closed her eyes, bracing herself for the flick on the forehead, was incredibly lovely. Kim Tae-joon, whose eyes stung with the feeling that she was too pretty to even flick, eventually turned his head away.
What should he say?
It was the first time he had hesitated, unable to find the words to say.
Kim Tae-joon made an effort to appear nonchalant and looked around the house, which could be seen at a glance.
“It’s perfect.”
It was a house that resembled the small Han So-eun in every way.
He could smell Han So-eun everywhere. Damn it, he would get excited just by being still.
Kim Tae-joon thought he was trash for getting hot even in this stifling situation.
“Are you feeling any better?”
Han So-eun, who couldn’t even guess his lewd thoughts, sat next to him and asked with a worried voice.
“Yeah.”
“Have you had dinner?”
“I’m okay.”
“If you haven’t, should I make you ramen or something?”
“If I eat ramen, I’m going to sleep here.”
Han So-eun, whose face quickly flushed at his provocation, hesitated before answering bravely.
“That’s okay too.”
She had an expression that knew what kind of resolve that was.
“If it’s okay with you, Director Kim, then it’s okay with me.”
She trusts people again. You do.
Her eyes, shaking like a candle in the wind, looked precarious, but she was still lovely.
He had thought lightly of the candle. He had ridiculed the candle that thought it could light up the world with just one burning wick, that was constantly shaking precariously without even seeing what was under the lamp, that would disappear with a gust of wind, and yet called itself a light.
But that small, tiny light was capable of pushing back any darkness.
“There’s no such thing.”
Afraid of being caught having already been captured by that small light, he hid his expression and retorted.
He didn’t want to torment her, but he wanted to be with her.
“I’m okay with the food, just let me sleep for a bit.”
“……”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
Kim Tae-joon made a clumsy excuse and lay down, using Han So-eun’s lap as a pillow.
Han So-eun was startled. The man who had suddenly laid down, using her lap as a pillow, quickly closed his eyes comfortably as if he was really going to fall asleep. Suddenly, she thought he was cute. On the other hand, his unfamiliar grumbling also made her feel sorry for him. Han So-eun adjusted her position so that he could lean on her a little more comfortably.
“If you do this, Han So-eun won’t be able to sleep.”
“I’m okay.”
“What’s okay?”
“I’ve been sleeping a lot.”
“……”
“Now that I think about it, I’ve been sleeping a lot lately, but I’ve never seen you sleep, Director Kim.”
Kim Tae-joon couldn’t open his closed eyes. If he opened his eyes, if he opened his eyes and faced her face, he felt like he would distort his face.
What should he do with this harmless and lovely woman now?
“Director Kim. Didn’t you have difficult times? Who was the person who gave you strength back then?"Was it the day she had witnessed Yang Hee-wook and Choi Hyun-ji’s affectionate appearance at the airport?" She had asked that with a listless voice. Kim Tae-joon now properly understood the meaning of that question. His heart ached.
He had heard that she had grown up receiving a lot of mistreatment from her aunt’s family. You, who grew up without receiving love, must have been thirstier for affection than anyone else. You wouldn’t have been able to pass by the people who had shown you affection. You wouldn’t have been able to leave your body still, wanting to do as much as you had received, or even more than you had received. You, who accepted the world as it was, without filtering it, must have sincerely believed in the goodness of others every time.
“Tell me something.”
He forced out a sound to Han So-eun, even as his voice was choking up.
“What should I talk about?”
“Anything.”
“Just, like, stories from when you were young.”
“……”
“How did you live?”
How did you live?
How hard was it for you?
He now asks for answers about your past days, which he should have asked about in the first place.
What did you overcome alone, and how did you flow here, you?
“Han So-eun must have had a childhood too.”
He wanted to embrace those intangible times, even now.
Han So-eun smiled with a listless voice and answered.
“I don’t really remember anything.”
“Nothing at all?”
As he repeatedly asked, Han So-eun tilted her head and let out a faint breath, as if something had come to mind.
“When I was young, I think there was an older brother I liked.”
“Older brother?”
“No, no. I think it was an older sister.”
Conscious of him showing jealousy even over trivial things, Han So-eun quickly changed her words.
“There was a really pretty older brother, no, older sister, but anyway, I don’t remember their face at all. I think they were the son, no, daughter of a really rich family? Because we played tag in a really big house.”
Kim Tae-joon closed his eyes even tighter. His heart was pounding violently even though he was still. His eyes were so hot that he felt dizzy.
Her excited voice calmed down a little.
“……I found out later when my aunt told me, that my dad had caused an accident due to drowsy driving, and that older brother’s parents were injured.”
That is the story of you and me.
It was clearly our story, but a story of those powerless days when we couldn’t do anything.
“I didn’t have a mom, so my dad must have had a hard time. Working during the day, taking care of his daughter at night. He must have been really tired. If I had been a daughter who listened a little better, if I had been a daughter who didn’t pester my dad every day and just slept well, my dad wouldn’t have been tired, and he wouldn’t have caused that accident. Then that older brother’s parents wouldn’t have been hurt either.”
No.
It’s not your fault.
He wanted to shout it out, but Kim Tae-joon couldn’t move. If he made a sound, he felt like tears would burst out before words.
“Anyway, that older brother, no, older sister, played with me even though they had such a painful thing happen. So I still feel bad about that. I don’t remember their face or name, and I can’t find them again, but anyway, I hope that kind older brother lives a healthy and happy life without getting hurt anymore.”
In the end, a stream of water that couldn’t withstand the emotional surge flowed down. Kim Tae-joon quickly turned his head to hide his face.
“I don’t know if that incident influenced my frustrating personality. When I see someone who’s hurting, I keep thinking that I have to do something. It would be great if I could save someone who’s hurting, and if there’s something I can give, I want to give anything. So I think that’s why I became a person who fixes machines.”
So that’s how you arrived here.
Your fingerprints were attached to your tragedy that crossed over.
A more beautiful me than the truth was living.
What do I do now?
“Director Kim. Didn’t you have difficult times? Who was the person who gave you strength back then?”
You asked me that on that day. I couldn’t answer.
You don’t know. That the person in front of me back then was you. That the small and insignificant you was my only comfort, you will never know.
The biggest mistake I made back then was relying on the small and young you without permission.
Tormenting, hitting, and making the young you cry, and feeling satisfaction from that, gaining peace.
I shouldn’t be a good memory for you.
How should I compensate for my mistake that you don’t remember?
As Kim Tae-joon turned his head away, Han So-eun changed her voice to a lighter tone, as if the heavy atmosphere was burdensome, and finished her old story.
“Anyway, I remember the tag I played with that older brother, no, older sister. I think we played tag for like, two or three hours, and I was amazed that that older brother found me every time.”
Kim Tae-joon laboriously lifted his eyelids. He briefly looked up at Han So-eun, who was smiling so beautifully, and then closed his eyes again. That moment remained like an eternity, and her clear eyes were embedded like jewels on the inside of his eyelids. Kim Tae-joon hugged Han So-eun’s waist.
Those who do not cry for themselves cry for each other instead.
That game we played wasn’t tag, it was a treasure hunt.
It was a treasure-like memory that had burrowed into the cracks of tragedy.
