Chapter 51
- A Pathetic Ex-Boyfriend
2023.06.20.
I tried not to think about it. I hoped it wasn't true.
From the beginning, all the clues clearly pointed to one fact, but Kim Tae-joon intentionally tried not to believe it. It was too terrible to even think about, so I didn't want to believe it until I found accurate evidence.
That there are those who use love as a weapon to prolong a fading life. That there are those who use any means necessary to exploit innocent people for their own gain.
Ugh. I felt nauseous at the atrocities of those who were worse than beasts.
Looking back, there were plenty of clues.
Han So-eun, who I heard liked to drink but always refused offers to drink with me, came to mind. Han So-eun, who collapsed after two nights of overtime, and didn't wake up easily even while I carried her around.
And, on a humid summer night, Han So-eun, who sobbed that she wanted to be loved. Han So-eun, who couldn't say anything when I pressed her about whether Yang Hee-wook had a weakness of hers. Han So-eun, who defended Yang Hee-wook, saying he was like family when I spoke ill of him...
Why is she so obsessed with a relationship with a guy like Yang Hee-wook? Why is she enduring being treated like a maid by that bastard's family? I should have been suspicious from the start, but I never tried to understand her.
What on earth did I do to you?
I just foolishly tormented her because I was frustrated. I only thought of her as an idiot.
I should have listened to her stifled screams from the beginning, her cries of anguish because she couldn't do anything, because she couldn't do anything.
I don't know how I got home in such a state of confusion. Darkness had fallen in the living room with the blinds drawn.
Amidst the shock and anger, last night came to mind. It wasn't a joke that I kept thinking of Han So-eun when my vision darkened. Every reaction of hers, who ultimately refused to show me her beautiful body and tried so hard to hide the truth, flashed through my mind, and my eyes grew hot.
I held you, who was in such a state, all night long and made childish jealousies. Mad with lust, even when you tried to avoid me to put on your clothes, I pulled you back, kissed you, and held you in my arms. Why won't you show me your face? I was so obsessed with such ridiculous things. I really couldn't see anything.
Why didn't I notice it sooner?
No, why did I only find you now?
Could I have changed your fate if I had found you just three months earlier?
I felt helpless that I couldn't do anything until she became like that. I hated myself.
Without even thinking of turning on the light, Tae-joon's feet walked heavily and stopped in front of the Moon Jar. Tae-joon, who hated everything, pushed the Moon Jar with his fingertips. The Moon Jar, which had been in its place, fell sideways and wobbled precariously before finally cracking open again, revealing its belly in the same shape as it had been broken before.
Something so easy to understand. Something so weak.
As I smiled emptily at the thought that I couldn't put something that was already broken back together, I saw something sparkling in the darkness. His eyes were stained with light.
So-eun, who heard from Song Mun-gyeong that Tae-joon hadn't come to work, immediately sent Tae-joon a text message. She quickly received a reply to her question about whether he was okay, but there was no answer to the subsequent questions. So-eun regretted sending the text message, feeling like she had bothered Tae-joon.
'Come to think of it, he didn't look good since yesterday.'
He was working when I woke up, his expression looked heavy the whole time, and he seemed anxious at the swimming pool.
Kim Tae-joon from the day before yesterday and Kim Tae-joon from yesterday were definitely the same person, but they seemed somehow different. Kim Tae-joon from the day before yesterday had his desire for me clearly visible in his eyes, but Kim Tae-joon from yesterday seemed somehow cold and distant from me. Even though his kind attitude was the same, it felt like his body temperature was different.
I'm very worried, but I'm stuck at work, so I can only fret in my place. No, even fretting was a luxury. So-eun reflected on herself for being distracted during work hours and greeted the next customer.
"Hello, customer..."
But the voice that was about to greet them faded away. The corners of her neatly raised lips quickly lost strength.
"So-eun. Long time no see."
Yang Hee-wook greeted her, handing over a number ticket.
So-eun, who had asked the team leader for understanding, quietly took Hee-wook out of the company. She couldn't cause a commotion at work during work hours.
As soon as they broke up, she became deeply involved with Tae-joon, and she had hardly thought of this man since then. At best, it was just the fact that this guy was such a pathetic man that it was even embarrassing to compare him to Tae-joon. So, I thought that even if I happened to meet him again, I wouldn't care.
But unexpectedly, my wrist trembled violently, as if I had a cramp. It was a shock that he had invaded my stable workspace. He had never come here once during our relationship.
"You seem a bit thinner?"
Hee-wook said slyly.
So-eun grabbed her trembling arm and hugged herself tightly, trying not to reveal her emotional turmoil.
"Why did you come here?"
"I came to see you. Did you block my number?"
"Isn't that obvious?"
"How long has it been since we broke up that you blocked it? Your organs probably haven't even healed yet."
Hee-wook lowered his gaze as if pointing to So-eun's right upper abdomen and gestured with his chin. Throb. The pain briefly became vivid at his shameless mention of the terrible scar. I have to endure it. So-eun gritted her teeth and asked coldly again.
"What's the matter?"
"Is this really over for you?"
"..."
"You know how busy I am, right? I took the time to come see you, So-eun."
"What's the matter?"
So-eun's voice grew louder as Hee-wook kept changing the subject.
Hee-wook, who realized that So-eun's affection was not the same as before, suddenly grabbed So-eun's hand. So-eun was horrified and shook off his hand.
"I can't forget you, So-eun."
Hee-wook confessed urgently, like a person being chased. So-eun couldn't close her gaping mouth.
He's dressed properly and doesn't seem drunk, so why is he coming here and acting like this?
"There was no woman who loved me as much as you did."
Hee-wook, with tears welling up in his eyes, seemed quite sincere. That's why it was even more creepy.
"Should we run away and live somewhere? Somewhere where there's no mom, no sister, no one. It must be so hard for you because of me too."
"What are you talking about? Who said it's hard? And I have a boyfriend."
So-eun was so embarrassed that she blurted out a precious secret.
"...What? You?"
So-eun's face turned pale as soon as she realized her mistake.
"That's impossible. You, a boyfriend?"
"Does Choi Hyun-ji know that you're acting like this right now? Should I tell her?"
Should I be relieved that he doesn't believe it? So-eun thought that there was no need to have any more meaningless arguments with him and immediately turned her head.
"Don't ever come back. If you come back again, I'll report you to the police."
"Hey, I'm a lawyer. Do you think reporting an ex-boyfriend out of the blue is against the law?"
"I warned you."
"So-eun. Let's talk a little more."
Hee-wook grabbed So-eun's arm again as she tried to leave. It was a grip that was too much for So-eun to shake off with her own strength.
"Let go!"
As So-eun twisted her arm and struggled, someone else approached and stopped Hee-wook.
"Let go. What are you doing right now?"
It was Chief Jang Eun-pyo.
"Is this the guy? Your boyfriend?"
Hee-wook glared and demanded, retracting his arm.
"Hey, who are you to interfere? Do you even know who I am?"
"Who are you?"
Eun-pyo was bigger than Hee-wook, so Hee-wook's struggles seemed pathetic.
"It's okay. There's no need to deal with him. Chief, let's go."
So-eun, who had been freed from Hee-wook, grabbed Eun-pyo's arm and led him away.
Eun-pyo, who had separated So-eun from Hee-wook, took So-eun to a convenience store, using the excuse that he was hungry. He thought he should help her calm down from the unexpected commotion.
"Please drink it while it's warm."
"Thank you."
So-eun accepted the drink that Eun-pyo handed her. It was chamomile tea, which was said to bring stability to the mind and body.
After taking a sip of the warm tea, So-eun seemed to feel a little better.
Eun-pyo asked So-eun, who had let out a long sigh, cautiously.
"Is he your ex-boyfriend?"
"Yes."
"It must be very difficult for you."
"No. I'm not having a hard time because of him. I'm just embarrassed."
Only embarrassment remained in the place where the commotion had passed. She felt ridiculous for being so obsessed with that pathetic man, and she was embarrassed that her flaws had been exposed. So-eun carefully asked Eun-pyo.
"Um, could you please not tell anyone about this?"
"Of course. I don't have anyone to tell."
"Thank you, really."
Chief Jang Eun-pyo was a quiet person, so he would naturally not show any reaction. So-eun smiled gently, relieved. Eun-pyo, who was staring blankly at her smile, continued to speak.
"If something like this happens again, please contact me anytime. If I'm nearby, I'll come running."
It was unexpected because it was a long speech that was unlike Chief Jang Eun-pyo.
"Yes. Thank you for just saying that."
"I mean it."
"Yes."
So-eun smiled even bigger.
As it was time to leave work, So-eun's mind was filled with Tae-joon again.
I wanted to go and see how much Tae-joon was hurting, but I hesitated because it seemed rude to suddenly visit.
And why did Yang Hee-wook suddenly come to the company?
So-eun was bothered by the fact that she had told Yang Hee-wook that she had a boyfriend. Yang Hee-wook was a persistent person. She was worried that Yang Hee-wook would do some background investigation because of her rash remarks.
I'm okay, but what if Yang Hee-wook harms the director? Besides, I said he was my boyfriend.
I still couldn't define the relationship between Tae-joon and me. When we were physically apart, and there was no contact like this, it felt like our hearts were also growing apart.
'I'm still worried, but he should at least contact me.'
So-eun, who was upset with Tae-joon for not contacting her, left work with a heavy heart.
No, I don't have the right to resent him.
Wasn't I also selfish in my relationship with him?
I liked that he was a man who had everything. I liked that I didn't have anything to give, that I could just fill my own desires.
Kim Tae-joon was a burden-free person for me, who found love so heavy. I thought we could have fun, shake it off, and turn back lightly. In order to fill the unfilled parts of my life, without assuming marriage, without promising a heavy future, without calculating anything, I tried to use him and be happy only for myself.
Therefore, even in happy moments, I always kept separation in mind. I desperately defended myself to avoid getting hurt.
I took a step with such a selfish heart, but I was somehow absurdly caught up in it. Kim Tae-joon was such an attractive man that I couldn't help it.
I've become like this, but where is his heart now?
I felt like my insides were burning as I thought about whether he was in a lot of pain and what he was feeling right now. But my body kept feeling tired.
"I wish I could just have a sip of cold beer."
So-eun lamented her fate of not being able to drink a sip of beer and jumped up from her seat.
There's non-alcoholic beer in the world!
If I can't drink beer, I should at least get in the mood. Let's not be pathetic and cheer up!
So-eun grabbed her wallet and put on her shoes, then vigorously opened the front door. But as soon as she opened the door wide, she stopped in her tracks.
"Director."
She discovered Tae-joon standing blankly in front of her, unable to even press the doorbell.
Tae-joon's expression, with his eyes bloodshot as if he hadn't been able to sleep, looked somehow so sad that So-eun couldn't say anything.
