Chapter 48
- Look at Me
2023.06.17.
The brunch Tae-joon prepared eventually became dinner.
Korean beef bulgogi and doenjang jjigae. All the side dishes were her favorites, so So-eun enjoyed the meal. It was amazing that nothing Tae-joon gave her tasted bad.
With the delicious food in front of him, Tae-joon barely ate, instead watching So-eun again today. He didn't say anything, but his eyes seemed to say he was amazed at how well she ate. There was a time when that gaze bothered her, but So-eun was now more or less used to it. He was a man who tormented her all the time when they were alone, but he didn't bother her when she was eating, so it was the most comfortable time for her. A time when she could be guaranteed the freedom to eat.
"There's a swimming pool on the lower floor of the apartment. The facilities are good, and it's even better because there aren't many people."
He said casually as she was finishing her meal.
"Shall we go there sometime?"
At Tae-joon's suggestion, the heart-pumping excitement started again inside So-eun. She had never been to a swimming pool before.
She had lived as a nuisance at her aunt's house, and after becoming independent, she had been too busy worrying about making tuition and living expenses. Come to think of it, it seemed that the word "swimming pool" had never entered So-eun's life.
So-eun, feeling embarrassed for no reason, hid her flushed voice and said,
"But I don't have a swimsuit."
"We can buy one. There's a shopping mall next to the apartment."
I like that this man is so easygoing.
She liked that he made decisions quickly and decisively about things she would hesitate over several times, reluctantly decide on, or eventually give up on. She was also envious of that confidence.
Self-assurance that she would never have in her life.
So-eun suddenly wondered if this man had anything to fear, if he had any insecurities.
After their early dinner, the two went to a swimwear store in the shopping center next to the apartment. It didn't take So-eun long to choose a swimsuit.
"This is good."
So-eun chose a navy blue one-piece swimsuit with no pattern. It was a plain style of swimsuit that perfectly matched Han So-eun's personality. Tae-joon playfully picked up a swimsuit in front of him.
"I like this one."
It was a yellow bikini swimsuit that would reveal more than half of her chest line. So-eun couldn't hide her genuinely surprised face and shook her head.
"I can't wear that. I like this one."
So-eun quickly took the swimsuit she had chosen to the cashier, as if afraid of being persuaded by Tae-joon. Tae-joon quickly accepted So-eun's wishes, as he had no intention of forcing her to wear a swimsuit from the beginning. As Tae-joon stood next to So-eun and reached for his wallet, So-eun gently pushed him away.
"I'll buy this. Director."
"Then buy me one. I'll buy So-eun's."
"......"
"You can buy me a sexy one."
At the unexpected order, So-eun seemed to agree and stepped back. After paying for the swimsuit and turning around, he saw So-eun agonizing over something as if she were choosing a wedding dress. It was always fun to watch a woman who was always sincere. There was no time to get bored.
"How about this?"
After rummaging around seriously for a while, So-eun picked out a pair of navy blue plain swim trunks.
"Do you like navy blue?"
"I guess so."
So-eun, who had been serious the whole time, smiled awkwardly at Tae-joon's comment. Seeing that smile, he didn't care.
"I'll let it slide since it's a couple look. I'll wear it well."
When Tae-joon accepted, So-eun went to the cashier with a satisfied expression.
It was almost 8 p.m. The swimming pool was only open until 9 p.m., so they had to move diligently and play diligently. The two decided to change into their swimsuits at home and go downstairs.
So-eun didn't show any openings until the moment she changed into her swimsuit. She took the swimsuit into the bathroom and changed in a few minutes. In fact, that alone was enough stimulation for Tae-joon. As her lines, which he had only touched, were revealed, heat quickly boiled up in his stomach.
"Let's go quickly. It's too late."
He reached out to hug her once, but So-eun quickly left the bedroom as if she hadn't seen it. Tae-joon, suppressing his lust with a groan, followed So-eun and wrapped his beach gown around her. So-eun, with a flushed expression, opened the front door first.
They moved so quickly to find the swimming pool, but.
- Maximum capacity exceeded. Early closing.
The two were frustrated in front of the swimming pool entrance with the sign posted. Tae-joon was stunned, and So-eun, who had been looking forward to it, was dejected.
"You said there weren't many people."
"I heard there were almost none a while ago."
"......"
"I forgot it was summer."
When Tae-joon first moved into the apartment and checked the swimming pool, there were no users because it had just opened, and now the swimming pool was quite popular, making it difficult to expect the initial tranquility. It was Tae-joon's fault for proceeding without properly checking the current situation. He couldn't just stand by when she was so disappointed.
"Just a moment."
Tae-joon put his hand on the swimming pool entrance.
"Why?"
"It's not difficult for the manager to let the two of us in."
"What are you going to do?"
"I'll bribe the person in charge."
"What are you talking about? No, Director!"
So-eun's voice grew louder, startled by Tae-joon's words. It was a voice that would have attracted attention if anyone had been nearby. So-eun pulled on Tae-joon's arm.
"It's okay today. Let's come again tomorrow."
Thanks to So-eun calming Tae-joon down, the apartment was able to avoid a small commotion.
The two got into the elevator. There were two more people in the elevator who had come up from the underground parking lot. One of the men pursed his lips at So-eun as if catcalling. Tae-joon's fist clenched at the blatant gaze that scanned her body up and down as if admiring her figure. But he couldn't start a fight in front of So-eun. Instead of punching, Tae-joon wrapped his arm around So-eun's waist, blocking the man's gaze.
"I can't breathe, Director."
So-eun, unaware of what was happening behind her back, was just innocent. It seemed that the arm holding her had tightened. The man who had been watching the two let out a dry laugh as if mocking them and got off with his friend around the 20th floor.
As soon as So-eun entered the house, she ran to the bathroom to change her clothes. There was no particular intention. She just wanted to take it off carefully today because she had to wear it again tomorrow.
Tae-joon, after confirming that So-eun had quickly changed and come out, went straight in to change his clothes. So-eun, looking around quietly, sat in front of the living room cabinet and traced the broken marks on the Moon Jar with her eyes.
It's night again, so will it be the same routine as yesterday?
Then should I confess today?
What will happen if I confess the truth? Will that man's affection fade away?
The more time passes, the more afraid I become to open my mouth.
Soon, footsteps were heard, and Tae-joon, who had changed his clothes, came out of the room. So-eun, who had been wearing a worried expression, turned her head to Tae-joon, smiled brightly, and got up from her seat. Tae-joon, who had come closer, hugged So-eun's waist.
"Why doesn't Han So-eun call me by my name?"
At Tae-joon's comment, So-eun's eyes rolled around. She had never said anything other than "Director." It had already become a habit, and she couldn't use any other title.
And... if I call him by his name, I feel like I'll want more.
So-eun hid her honest feelings well and replied,
"I like that you're the Director."
"I'll let you call me that as much as you want at the company, so call me by my name when we're alone. Or call me oppa."
"Yes."
"And drop the honorifics."
"Yes."
"Just in words."
Tae-joon was disappointed by So-eun's reaction, which seemed to be constantly distancing herself, but he didn't complain any further. However, the emotions he had suppressed in his heart were released in another form. Tae-joon held So-eun's waist tightly and sat on the sofa. So-eun also collapsed and sat on Tae-joon's lap. He liked her loose-fitting dress. As his hand crept up inside the dress, So-eun held his shoulders tightly as if struggling.
"...Looking at you, Director, I think you like it because you can torment me."
"That's right."
Tae-joon admitted it right away without denying it.
"But I cherish you much more than when I like to torment you, don't you know that?"
"Liking to torment and liking because you can torment are both wrong."
So-eun, who was arguing, leaned her head on Tae-joon's shoulder. Tae-joon lifted her face and kissed her. Every time his hand moved, it felt like popping candy was popping in her mouth. So-eun, anticipating what was to come, showed her intention to turn off the lights. Tae-joon blocked her hand.
Just your face. I just want to see your face.
As her clear, watery eyes repeatedly tried to escape from him, his voice deepened.
"Look."
It's not just that I want to see your face.
"You look at my face too."
"......"
"Look at me."
I want you to look at me too.
So-eun, who had been lost in the sensations he offered, finally looked properly at Tae-joon's face. The heart that had been averted finally reached the truth.
What kind of eyes he had been longing for her with. What he had wanted so much.
There were hearts that could be seen with the eyes in the world.
I'm being properly loved right now.
So-eun couldn't help but cry at the look that gave her confidence.
I tried so hard to protect myself. Afraid of being hurt again, I drew a line even in happy moments. I wanted to meet you while only filling my own desires.
I like you so much.
I like you so much that I want to give back as much as I receive.
I know it's foolish of me, but I can't abandon this me.
There is a whining voice when you can't let go because the lingering feelings remain. At first, the relationship was so good that he pushed forward, but now he wanted to hear that voice, so he became even more persistent. In the end, Tae-joon made her sleep late again. As soon as he let her go after a long torment, So-eun ran to the bathroom, quickly washed up, and fell asleep as she was.
He had vowed to himself not to overdo it today, but he had given up in the face of absolute temptation. His satisfaction was great, so his guilt towards her was also great. It was a time when he wanted to engrave each and every one of her expressions, which he had seen for the first time with his eyes, in his head.
After being captivated by the illusion-like ecstasy and then released, a question remained.
Was the guy who left you like this next to him an idiot? Or was he impotent?
He trusted Han So-eun's words 100%, but he honestly couldn't understand that Yang Hee-wook hadn't touched her. Unless he was a guy with a problem with his libido, it was impossible. To have such a beautiful woman as a lover, who anyone could see.
Tae-joon brushed off the unpleasant thought that had briefly surfaced and gently stroked So-eun's head, who was fast asleep.
Was it the second time? He wasn't as resentful as before when she turned off the lights as soon as he reached out to unbutton her dress to take off her outer garment. Since she refused to this extent, he could guess that there was a secret on her body that could be seen with the eyes. Maybe she has an ugly spot somewhere. Or maybe her skin color is strangely different. Or maybe there are traces of tanning left on her bikini line. Or maybe even a ridiculous tattoo.
Since she's a shy woman, she might be sensitive to something trivial. Someday, he will tell her that it's okay too. That he doesn't care what that secret is.
Tae-joon's gaze suddenly stopped as he stroked her cheek for a long time. He saw beads of sweat on her forehead. He had only thought of himself and covered her warmly with a blanket, but it seemed stuffy because of the hot weather. When he lifted the blanket, he saw that her thin pajamas were also wet.
Does she have a fever? Was she too tired because he pushed her too hard?
Feeling a belated pang of conscience, Tae-joon immediately brought a towel and wiped the sweat from her forehead.
He couldn't leave her wet body alone either. With a clear conscience, Tae-joon squinted and lifted her pajamas, wiping the sweat from her back, trying not to wake So-eun.
Han So-eun, it's because you're like this that I had no choice but to see it. I was afraid you'd catch a cold.
Tae-joon carefully unbuttoned her pajamas. Fair skin was revealed under the yellow lamp. Of course, his heart moved again when he saw her white skin, but he wouldn't torment her any more today. With a firm resolution, Tae-joon moved his hand.
As he gently pressed her skin and wiped away the sweat, his hand suddenly stopped.
'What... is this?'
There were strange scars all over her white body.
Appendectomy scar?
No. Appendectomy scars aren't this big.
Besides, there are quite a few of these.
The scars that could be seen with the eyes were one, two, three, four, five above her navel and below her right breast.
Also, below her navel was a large surgical scar like a cesarean section scar.
Did she have a car accident or something?
Tae-joon, who had been overwhelmed by the unexpected discovery, dropped the towel a moment later.
No. It's not a car accident.
His heart was pounding. His eyes widened.
The knife marks were too neat to be traces of an accident.
