Chapter 39
- I Wanted to See Your Face
2023.06.08.
To Han So-eun's request to take care of him, Kim Tae-joon changed the subject instead of answering.
"I absolutely won't turn on the lights, as Han So-eun-ssi wants, so you should cut me some slack too."
"Pardon?"
"Please understand my situation. I won't be able to see anything."
So-eun's eyes flickered at the low, warning voice.
He changed his mind and decided to grant her just one wish. He wanted to devour her wavering eyes. Hiding his subtle impatience, he urged her to answer.
"Answer."
"Yes."
"Okay. Then."
The moment he revealed his ulterior motive, the elevator doors opened.
Tae-joon snatched So-eun's hand, which was fidgeting in the air. So-eun's hand was the perfect size to be completely engulfed in Tae-joon's palm. If that hand was gentle, it would be endlessly warm, and if it was fierce, it would be endlessly daunting, a hand that would inevitably leave a tremendous impression in either case. Led by that hand, So-eun took a step forward.
Tae-joon opened the front door and released So-eun's hand. So-eun entered the house first, as Tae-joon guided her.
The moment the door clicked shut, the large hand that had kindly led her inside pounced from behind. One hand wrapped around her slender waist, and the other cupped her neck and chin. There was enough space, but the force and grip were so strong that So-eun felt trapped inside a bronze statue.
The sensor light at the entrance went off. As darkness filled the space, he lowered his head from behind. His lips, tracing her profile, brushed against her forehead and cheeks, then settled on her earlobe.
"Ah..."
A gasp escaped her involuntarily. So-eun quickly covered her mouth. The moment So-eun moved, the sensor light flashed on again.
Even though the light was on, he didn't stop. Sounds, and things that weren't sounds, tormented her skin.
"J-just a moment! Let's go to the bedroom..."
"I'm going. Now."
His voice poured into one ear. Her trembling, rapid breaths burst out between her lips. As if imprinting himself on that breath, Tae-joon pulled her chin and kissed her, releasing his hold. It felt like squeezing her heart to death and then suddenly letting go.
Tae-joon, kneeling on one knee, grasped So-eun's ankle, then slid his hand down, taking off her shoes. The hand neatly arranging her shoes was almost elegant. So-eun felt a chilling shiver at the gap between what that hand had done to restrain her just moments ago and what it was doing now. In that instant, the light went off again.
When the light came back on, he had already risen to his feet.
"Let's go in a little later."
Beneath the soon-to-disappear light, Tae-joon's voice softly descended.
A face he could embrace to his heart's content but couldn't look at. He felt like he had to see it properly, to remember and imagine it clearly until the last moment when his mind became hazy.
So-eun's eyes were trembling like leaves facing the wind. Tae-joon kept sighing because her eyes, swollen with a transparent film, looked both worried and lovely.
She'd come this far. He was going to grant her everything. But that was still scary to her.
As if to soothe So-eun, Tae-joon's hand went up to her face. The delicate hand that wiped away the tears in So-eun's eyes caressed her cheeks before gently pressing her chin. As her lips parted, he lowered his head without hesitation.
Ha. Her breath burst out before their body heat could even touch. As if devouring that breath, Tae-joon covered her lips. Even in this vague moment, their breaths intertwined so honestly.
The stickiness was blatant, but there was no force, it was a kiss that swallowed her vague fears. As her eyelids closed, her eyes, which had lost their way, found stability.
The light went off.
Tae-joon pushed her further inside so that the light wouldn't turn on again.
The large hand that had been bracing against the wall paused for a moment on her nape, then moved up and down as if caressing her. The hand, with a different temperature than hers, was large enough to completely grasp So-eun's head, large enough to crush anything. But it moved delicately, as if it would feel good no matter where it touched. Was it really okay to feel good in this situation? Was I allowed to? Could there be such a hand in the world?
So-eun felt like she was becoming infinitely precious, and she kept feeling like she was going to cry. So-eun's arms wrapped around Tae-joon's neck. Gladly welcoming her clinging, Tae-joon lifted So-eun up in a flash.
Soon, Tae-joon, who had laid her down on the soft goose down comforter, asked.
"Is this enough?"
Truly complete darkness. At best, the night view outside the window was all there was, and even that was overshadowed by the high ceiling and desolate sky, a darkness scattered with starlight-like lights.
So-eun could rest assured with this much.
"...It's good."
The moment her small voice gave permission, the sensation came from her legs.
Because she couldn't see anything as if something had covered her eyes, her other senses were, as expected, a little more sensitive. The moments when she wasn't moving were filled with anxiety and trembling. Her fingertips felt like they were generating electricity, and goosebumps kept rising all over her body.
He paused several times, as if exploring her reaction to his torment, before raising his upper body. Even though he clearly couldn't see anything, So-eun somehow felt like he was constantly staring at her face. It was as if he was drawing a picture in the black void with his slow breaths.
In the silence like a spread-out blanket, Tae-joon finally lowered his shoulders. The scent that had made So-eun's heart flutter covered her eyes along with a large shadow.
She was terrified of the darkness that was even greater than the darkness, but on the other hand, she was looking forward to it.
He was trembling.
Even though he was tightly holding her hands, legs, and waist to keep her from running away, she felt a slight tremor, as if he was afraid of something. That feeling was strangely endearing. So, even though she was afraid because she couldn't see an inch ahead, she wanted to hug this man.
It felt like paint was spreading everywhere his lips touched her skin, everywhere his fingertips brushed against her skin. It was ticklish, stinging, and sometimes unbearable, but she wanted to be urged on more and more. She wanted to know herself changing because of this man. When she reached out again into the void and caressed his face, he raised his head and kissed her lips hotly.
At the same moment that her lips parted, a new sensation awakened inside her body. A huge wave formed in her chest, overflowing and swelling tears in her eyes as well.
Every time she moved, her lovely moans tormented him. He wanted to do everything slowly, but the stimulation she gave him was so dizzying that it was difficult to maintain a clear mind. It sounded like something was popping somewhere, like bursting a fire-roasted cherry tomato in your mouth.
I know.
That I'm going to ruin you a lot.
That the current me is consumed by ugly jealousy.
But he couldn't stop. The intense desire to have her completely as his own dominated him. It felt like blood was boiling and overflowing from his core. Every time he imprinted his existence on her, there was a brief burst of sound, as if sparks were flying somewhere.
At some point, he felt her sobbing. If he could see her face, he would have read her expression, he would have tried to understand her heart even a little, but because he couldn't see, he was anxious. Something hot welled up in his throat as well.
Is she thinking about that bastard? Inevitably, there would be comparisons. She must have loved him a lot.
So he didn't want to ask. Because he couldn't let her go even if she cried. He put aside making allowances for her. He wanted to erase the traces of that bastard that remained in her head. He wanted to completely cover her memories with bigger memories.
Before long, her sobs subsided, and her cute struggles turned into whining. As if bewitched by that sound, Tae-joon kept getting more and more fierce. It was she who kept holding on and not letting go every time.
He wanted to see her for just a moment. He thought about turning on the lights recklessly, but Tae-joon kept enduring and persevering, checking her expression by caressing her face with his fingertips. While he was drawing the expression he had felt with his hands in his head, his heart was racing wildly somewhere, and even though his heart was full, he kept feeling thirsty, and he thought that he might really die like this.
"...I'm crazy."
In a situation where he couldn't be in his right mind, a short curse and a hoarse voice popped out without him realizing it. He was surprised himself, but he had given up to some extent.
I'm crazy. Kim Tae-joon.
As if all the surrounding air had turned into water, as if he was submerged in water, he was suffocated at some point and then overwhelmed. Tae-joon thought that he might as well be submerged and die like that.
*
So-eun hurriedly put on her clothes before even washing. Tae-joon was upset by that and tormented her again. It was after midnight when So-eun finally lost consciousness. He couldn't bring himself to bother her any more as she washed up quickly as if running away, picked up her clothes again, lay down on the bed.
Lying next to her, Tae-joon couldn't fall asleep for a long time even after she fell asleep.
The second time he pounced on her, she whined that he was doing whatever he wanted, but in fact, it seemed like nothing was as Kim Tae-joon wanted. All he could do now was to stare intently at her sleeping face. So he kept getting more greedy. He felt lust for a sleeping woman.
You're trying to drive me crazy.
He traced her lips with his fingertips without touching them deeply and fell into thought.
Is insisting on darkness your own technique, or is it an abnormal desire to not feel anything unless it's dark?
Or is there a black spot somewhere?
Anyway, you succeeded. Because I've surrendered like this.
He didn't believe her words that she had no experience from the beginning. But now he just decided to believe it. He thought it would be difficult to pretend not to know to this extent.
If her words were true, then Yang Hee-wook had an unexpectedly saintly side. The expression "saintly" on that face of a pathetic glutton was so terrible that Tae-joon shuddered for a moment.
If only I had returned home a year earlier.
Now, he only regretted that. It took too long to get her back.
"You left. You were mine."
Tae-joon quietly and gently chattered as if knocking on her dreams before closing his eyes.
