Chapter 67
Seo-ah often thought to herself.
How wonderful would it be if I had never been born?
It was a life she had never asked for, so why on earth was she born?
Some said that life itself was a gift, but to her, her life felt… like a disaster.
A disaster.
Something that simply strikes without warning. Something that, as if that weren’t enough, causes immense damage to everything around it.
And the one her disaster of a life had struck was…
“Child.”
There is something I am afraid of.
“Child, lift your head.”
Do you see the shadow of someone I don’t know in my face?
“I told you to lift your head and look at your father.”
I am so afraid of that, that I cannot bring myself to look up.
She felt a warm hand cup her cheek. A large, warm hand tilted her downward-facing head up. A face smiling gently, wise eyes looking down at her.
The one her disaster of a life had struck, the one swept away by the catastrophe of her existence.
“My beautiful daughter.”
Was it you?
She opened her eyes.
In a daze, she pushed herself up. She stood there awkwardly, like a weed that had sprouted where it wasn’t wanted. She remained still for a long time, staring blankly.
Her drifting consciousness only began to return when she heard the sound of rain.
When she pulled back the heavy curtains that covered every window, the landscape beyond rushed in along with a chill. The sky was so dark it was impossible to tell the time. A thick mist hung over the forest surrounding the mansion like a shroud of clouds, and the Annex in the distance looked much darker than usual.
As she cracked open the frost-covered window, the distant sound of rain instantly grew loud. The damp chill and the droplets of rain splashing against her face awakened her dulled senses.
“…….”
Then, like a tidal wave breaching a collapsed levee, the events of last night came rushing back.
The view beyond the window blurred, and her focus shifted to the water droplets clinging to the glass. It felt as if the world had shrunk to the size of those single drops. In a world where there was no room for her to fit, Seo-ah held her breath.
A world shaking in ruins, a pain she could never get used to.
And, those blue eyes that remained vivid even in the darkness.
Whenever their eyes met, she couldn’t help but think:
You, too, have been covered by the disaster that is me.
The disaster that is me has swallowed you as well.
Where did it all go wrong?
The answer to that question eventually led back to the very beginning of her life. And that thought, as it always did, touched upon the one thing she wanted to hide most.
Just then, another sound filtered through the white noise of the rain.
Her blurred vision snapped into focus. Seo-ah’s gaze turned toward the garden of the mansion, where the rain was pouring down relentlessly.
From beyond the mist-shrouded forest, a black carriage appeared.
Her heart dropped.
Standing frozen, Seo-ah bit her dry lip, only to flinch at a sharp sting. She traced her lip with her fingertip. The spot she touched felt cold.
Her wounded lip was swollen. It was the result of biting down to endure a pain that felt like being pierced through.
Around that time, men in black suits began to line up at the entrance of the Main Building. Heedless of the torrential rain, they bowed deeply as the carriage climbed the ramp and pulled up to the entrance.
The carriage came to a stop, and a black umbrella was held over the door. A moment later, the person hidden beneath the umbrella revealed himself.
Unlike the men standing in line, he wore only a shirt.
Seo-ah instinctively hid behind the curtain. The hand that had been touching her lip dropped to her side.
Deep within her chest, where her thoughts were as murky as the mist, her inner self whispered.
I want to run away.
Seo-ah asked back.
To where?
The voice that had finally surfaced went silent. The place where her soul pooled was empty.
She felt hollow inside, like a night that couldn’t be filled. She found herself wishing someone would hold her as if they were going to break her. Perhaps then, even if she were crushed and shriveled, this unbearable emptiness might vanish.
Hiding behind the curtain, Seo-ah closed the window and forced her heavy feet to move.
Oscar’s voice, telling her to go to Traun, remained in her mind like silt on a tidal flat. Having been unable to do anything last night except endure him, she had received no confirmation on whether she was allowed to stay here.
She hurriedly put on an outer garment and left the room. As she stepped out into the hallway, she sensed heavy footsteps approaching. Every step she took toward those heavy, hard sounds felt incredibly weighted.
Seo-ah forced her retreating feet forward, desperately trying to pull herself together. But the moment she reached the edge of the central staircase and saw him turning the landing to come up, she instinctively hid against the wall.
The thumping of her heart pierced through the sound of the rain and filled her ears.
Even as she held her ragged breath, he drew closer. His footsteps seemed to trample over the sound of her racing heart and her suppressed breathing.
But she couldn’t stay hidden. Seo-ah scraped together her courage, just as she had last night. She pulled herself away from the wall and turned toward Oscar as he ascended the stairs. At that moment, a shadow as vast as a mountain range passed her by.
There wasn’t even a chance to offer a greeting.
He seemed either unaware of her hiding like a ghost in the shadows of the wall, or he knew and was simply ignoring her. The same went for Mrs. Barbara and the several men following behind him.
A man like a reaper, leading a procession of stone-faced followers.
They looked like people existing in an entirely different world from her own.
She couldn’t summon the nerve to call out. She felt her gathered courage scatter like dust from dried sand. As her courage vanished, even her gaze grew heavy. Her eyes fell to the floor, staring at the dust that had once been her resolve, when the heavy footsteps suddenly stopped. Then, in a chain reaction, all the footsteps ceased, and the sound of the rain surrounding the mansion suddenly felt much closer.
Shhhhhhh.
The sound of millions of raindrops drumming against the earth felt as if it were pouring down directly on her.
Seo-ah cautiously lifted her eyes.
The noisy rain seemed to drift far away again the moment he looked back at her.
Oscar, who had stopped at the entrance to the hall, turned only his head to stare at her. The men following him also turned to look at Seo-ah, following their master’s lead.
It felt as if her vision were turning white, but fortunately, her mouth moved on its own.
“I heard you arrive…”
“…….”
“Welcome back.”
She half-expected a mocking voice to answer.
How very polite of you.
The man, whom she thought would either give an indifferent ‘Right’ before disappearing without a backward glance, simply watched her in silence for a moment. Then, without a word, he turned his head back forward.
“…….”
It seemed he didn’t intend to accept her greeting. Having felt she had to at least say something, Seo-ah felt a sense of hopelessness looking at his back. But just as she thought he was going to heartlessly walk away, Oscar looked back at her again.
To her, frozen and unsure of what to say next, he spoke in a low voice.
“Come see me for a moment.”
“…….”
Having dropped that single sentence, he resumed his indifferent stride as if nothing had happened.
However, those who had been following him did not move. This was because Mrs. Barbara, standing directly behind Oscar, had remained still.
While Oscar disappeared beyond the hall, Barbara turned to look at Seo-ah. Under the unspoken pressure to follow, Seo-ah began to walk as if possessed. As she did, the men standing behind the lady stepped back one by one, opening a path. The only ones who didn’t move were Mrs. Barbara and Simon, who stood beside her.
Seo-ah walked toward Mrs. Barbara, her pale hands clasped together. As she passed between the burly men, she instinctively held her breath. When she passed Simon, who was watching her intently, Mrs. Barbara turned toward the hall. She led Seo-ah into the Marquis’s private space—the place she had been told never to enter without permission.
The massive doors, at least twice the height of a person, opened without a sound.
“Please, go in.”
Beyond the ornate and beautiful doors, a familiar chill was seeping out. A desolate fear swirled in her chest, but that wasn’t a reason to refuse to cross the threshold.
Seo-ah stepped through the door Mrs. Barbara held open.
Her shoulders instinctively hunched at the chill that seemed to seep into her very bones. But it wasn’t just the cold that made her shrink.
It was impossible to stop the memories of last night from overlapping with the present.
