Chapter 43
“…….”
Beyond the door leading to the study.
Things you can’t afford to lose are better kept where they can be seen. That was Barbara’s habit, and it had inadvertently become Oscar’s as well.
Staring quietly at the door submerged in black silence, Oscar strolled toward it, hands tucked into the pockets of his loosely worn robe. Not a single sign of presence could be felt from the other side.
The woman who had turned Abel’s flamboyant report into a piece of worthless trash appeared to be holed up in her room.
Starting from the Central Market to Palpien. And then a cemetery, of all places.
Sitting on the edge of his bed for the first time in a long while, Oscar let out a laugh that was half-scoff, half-amusement. Following the inexplicable dark salt grinder, the image of the woman staring at him with tear-rimmed eyes surfaced, and an odd question seemed to echo like a thorn caught in his throat.
“…Are you coming?”
In one sense it sounded suspicious; in another, it seemed like an outburst of anxiety; and if he thought about it differently….
For someone who had asked if he was coming so many times with such heavy eyes, her reaction was quite funny. He could almost feel the way her face had turned deathly pale as she looked down to avoid him, as if she were trying to flee.
The smile lingering on Oscar’s lips vanished.
He found it absurd that he was stopping to dwell on this. Oscar clicked his tongue sharply, pushing away the idle thoughts.
The night had come after finishing a rather long job. That was enough of these trivial reflections. He was about to pull back the covers and lie down.
His gaze drifted back toward the silent door.
I don’t know how I made it back to my room.
It wasn’t just getting back.
Washing up, changing into pajamas, drawing the curtains, and taking out my notebook and fountain pen to sit at the table—throughout the entire sequence of actions, I couldn’t shake a hazy feeling, as if I were fumbling through a dream. It felt as though my mind had gone completely blank.
“…….”
Seo-ah sat dazed for a moment, then opened her eyes wide to snap out of it.
This was no time for this. She had to record the day’s events.
She opened the notebook and gripped the heavy fountain pen. But as she slowly tried to rewind today from the beginning, her mind went blank again.
The strength left her rigid back, and a groan escaped her lips.
“Ah….”
It was just… a foolish day from start to finish.
A day without purpose, where instead of being helpful to anyone, she had been nothing but a nuisance.
If she could turn back time to this morning, she wouldn’t have gone to Palpien. Abel was right. She shouldn’t have gone there.
Her eyes felt dry and stiff.
Since the tears, once started, wouldn’t stop, she had been rubbing her eyes all day.
Self-loathing began to crawl up within her, making her shoulders hunch and her head drop instinctively. As she buried her face in her palms and exhaled a hot breath, she suddenly seemed to hear a low laugh.
A laugh with a cool resonance.
She followed the sound of the laughter in her mind for a moment before quickly shaking her head. She pulled her consciousness away from the pull of that laugh. Seo-ah straightened her hunched posture and tightened her grip on the pen.
“Get it together.”
But only a few seconds later, she slumped over the table with a sigh.
“Ah….”
She couldn’t even remember the day clearly.
Why did I buy the flowers? I had a feeling it wasn’t right.
As she thought of the armful of flowers she had held, time folded without warning. Her memory suddenly reached the entrance of the mansion where night had fallen once again.
Was it because that moment was the only vivid thing in a blurred day?
When the cold wind swirled around her and she shuddered with self-loathing.
The moment that laugh, which sounded like it was being scraped from the depths, struck her ears, her heart dropped. She turned her head blankly.
The entrance of the mansion, like a temple of death.
The man who brought wolves to mind whenever their eyes met was leaning against the massive doorframe, laughing. Standing before a backdrop of men who looked like totem poles, he laughed and laughed for a long time. She should have greeted him, but her mind and body felt hollow. In the midst of that, the thought that occurred to her was, ridiculously, relief.
Why? Was it because it was the first time she had seen him since coming to Luxen? Or was it because of a presence that seemed to erase her incredibly stupid day? She didn’t know. Just that the moment her eyes met his, her racing heart seemed to stop in its tracks.
Ah, that man really came.
This really is his house.
He swept back his disheveled hair, the tip of his cigarette glowing red, revealing eyes that looked blue even in the darkness.
“Have you been well?”
He tossed the greeting out casually.
‘Did you have a safe trip?’
That was how she should have greeted him, but her throat felt blocked and she couldn’t say a word. She just blinked her mouth open and shut. The man watched her foolish display and murmured lowly.
“Well, you don’t look like it.”
It seemed Oscar could see the day full of disillusionment and self-reproach written on her face.
He turned away indifferently and walked off, and the men guarding the entrance vanished as if melting into their respective posts. Seo-ah was left there alone.
How pathetic she must have looked. When she remembered the moment she’d been caught stealing glances at him on the train, a cold sweat broke out.
Lying face down, Seo-ah hunched her body further and groaned.
If she hadn’t heard the sound of Madame Barbara’s cart outside the door, she would have stayed like that for much longer.
“My lady, I am coming in.”
Startled, she jumped up just as the door opened unceremoniously.
“Madame Barbara.”
Seo-ah hurried toward the door. She held it open for the woman pushing the cart. Madame Barbara’s cart was laden with food.
Why was the amount of food constantly increasing?
The words spilled out before she could stop them.
“It’s too much, Madame.”
At that, Barbara, who was about to enter the room, stopped at the doorway and looked back at her.
“I was told you haven’t had dinner yet.”
“Yes, that’s true, but…”
Barbara stared at Seo-ah for a moment, then nodded. She began to pull the cart back out of the room.
“Then I shall take it back.”
There was a limit to disregarding someone’s sincerity. Seo-ah quickly grabbed the cart and shook her head.
“No, Madame. I didn’t mean for you to just take it all away.”
“…Then I shall put it back in.”
There seemed to be no middle ground for this noblewoman who seemed to stand at the very edge of human boundaries. Facing the cold gaze of the lady, Seo-ah quickly picked up a single small plate.
“I’m sorry. I think this one will be enough for today.”
“…Will you be alright with just that?”
“I’m really fine, thank you.”
She quickly set the plate down inside the room, but Barbara was already pulling the cart out. She couldn’t let the person who had brought a cart full of food just walk away like that.
She ran over and held the door where it met the corner of the cart. Barbara quirked an eyebrow once and skillfully turned the cart. She walked across the study toward the hallway door as if nothing had happened. Seo-ah went ahead of her and opened the hallway door.
For a brief moment, her eyes met those dispassionate navy-blue ones, and as Barbara pushed the cart out, she said softly,
“I will clear the dishes when I bring breakfast tomorrow morning. Get some rest.”
And with that, she was gone before Seo-ah could even offer her thanks. Seo-ah stared at the spot where she had disappeared for a moment. She listened to the steady footsteps of the cart fading away, then closed the door quietly.
She was a grateful person. Thinking she should somehow finish the food she’d received before sleeping, Seo-ah turned around, but suddenly felt strange. It was like a sense of crisis, or perhaps déjà vu, or like a cold draft of wind stroking her body.
And before she could even identify what that strange feeling was, Seo-ah turned and froze in place.
“……!”
Someone was standing in the dim study, which was thick with the scent of books.
Would it feel like this to encounter a great tiger on a dark mountainside? It felt as if a shadow as large as a craggy mountain had reached her feet and was pulling at her ankles.
Under the dim lamplight, Oscar stood there in a loosely tied, smooth robe, watching her quietly. It hit her anew that this was his space.
Did he come to read? I should leave quickly. She wished she could just open the door behind her and walk out.
Even though the room wasn’t small, Oscar dominated the space with ease. Seo-ah tried to keep her head from shrinking back like a turtle, maintaining it at a proper level as she carefully broke the oppressive silence.
“I couldn’t greet you properly earlier because I was flustered.”
She lifted her eyes slightly to look at him, then bowed her head.
“Did you have a safe trip?”
A laugh like a soft breeze and a mutter that sounded like he was talking to himself drifted down over her bowed head.
“You certainly are polite.”
“…….”
“Yes. Have you been well?”
“While you were away, the people of the mansion looked after me, so I was able to stay comfortably.”
“You didn’t look very comfortable to me.”
Faced with a difficult question, Seo-ah chose her words carefully.
“I made a bit of a mistake today.”
“What mistake?”
“I bought some flowers, but I bought them without knowing what kind they were…”
“…….”
Oscar was silent for a moment. But she didn’t dare look up to see what kind of expression he was making. Just as she was thinking he might be speechless from sheer absurdity, he asked casually again.
“But why did you sprinkle the salt?”
